Should the wealthy family members help support poor working class brothers and sisters? (spouse, guilty)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have a divorced sister who dropped out of HS, ended up getting a GED, and has two kids. She lives in a house my parents bought her in an uppity suburb "Because of the kids". We don't have any kids and don't get any help. Not that we need it or that I would expect it but as someone who is dealing with the same exact thing I feel like poor choices are rewarded and good planning is punished.
I think taking them out to dinner every now and then or giving them a hand-me-down lawn mower or something will help them out without you having to write them a check. Once you give money they'll expect it.
I do see this side of the coin as well. I really like the idea of giving them a hand-me down appliance or occasionally treating them to dinner or a night on the town in lieu of writing a monthly check with no strings attached.
To answer your ? about bill gates- absolutely would think less of him if any of his relatives were living poorly. The guys a BILLIONAIRE richest man in the world. I DO think family members (and this is strictly my opinion so hopefully i dont get blasted for it) that are VERY well off (as in millions or even billions) SHOULD take care of their less well off brothers and sisters as well as parents. Blood is thicker than water. Just my 2.
The trouble with giving your working class siblings anything is in my experience it is never enough. Give them $X and they want $X and Y. They call me cheap behind my back because I don't give them the moon and the stars.
The trouble with giving your working class siblings anything is in my experience it is never enough. Give them $X and they want $X and Y. They call me cheap behind my back because I don't give them the moon and the stars.
Then WHY on earth would you give them anything? Like I said, my brother and I help each other out and NEITHER of us expects or demands or ever behaves in a greedy fashion, because we respect and love each other and are close.
If he was greedy/badmouthing towards me I'd tell him where to stick it.
I do see this side of the coin as well. I really like the idea of giving them a hand-me down appliance or occasionally treating them to dinner or a night on the town in lieu of writing a monthly check with no strings attached.
To answer your ? about bill gates- absolutely would think less of him if any of his relatives were living poorly. The guys a BILLIONAIRE richest man in the world. I DO think family members (and this is strictly my opinion so hopefully i dont get blasted for it) that are VERY well off (as in millions or even billions) SHOULD take care of their less well off brothers and sisters as well as parents. Blood is thicker than water. Just my 2.
Parents are one thing.
However, someone simply sending a check to someone who might not be doing anything to improve their living situation, might enable them to become dependent.
Well, on previous threads your husband inherited big bucks, plus now you also make bookoos of money, why not just send each family member 13K a year as a gift...then you can all be broke in several years...and you can stop bragging about all your moola....sounds like a plan to me.
LOL. Yeah, I can't help but sense a little bragging in your threads.
Discalimer - I only read the original post. I did not read any responses.
We are in a similar position. My wife and I are OK financially, not rich but have some extra $. We help family members, but not in the way your decribe. We don't just send them $ every month. We'll help fund an education or help if someone needs a car to get to work or buy someone a computer if they need one - things like that. I won't just automatically send them $ but if someone in my family wants to do something to better themselves, I'll help financially and support them emotionally.
$10/hr is pretty low though, that has to be a hard life. If you have the means to do it, I would let them know I would help with living expenses if they enroll in a vocational or whatever program that would lead to a better career. But that they have to work for something better for themselves, not just do what they do and get $ from you, that seems like they are taking advantage. Status quo = no (I just made that up myself!).
No, I wouldn't help support adults who had the same opportunity to apply themselves and yet either thought they were "too good" or "too smart" to work hard and now that strategy is taking regular chomps out of their backside, I am being pressured to aquiesce to what is tantamount to emotionally laden blackmail?? NO.
We have a choice over:
How many children to have (or to have any at all)
Continuing our education
How many and what kind of jobs we work at
How we spend, save and invest or waste (!) our money
Life is about CHOICES, then if we are mature, courageous and decent with a modicum of self-respect we LIVE WITH THEM.
I am so passionate about this because after the Professional Moocher in our family (high school dropout, unemployable, multiple marriages and divorces, lazy, heavy drinker) stopped speaking to me because I refuse to give handouts to a relative who considers himself superior to me, yet needs so much of my help.
I have a divorced sister who dropped out of HS, ended up getting a GED, and has two kids. She lives in a house my parents bought her in an uppity suburb "Because of the kids". We don't have any kids and don't get any help. Not that we need it or that I would expect it but as someone who is dealing with the same exact thing I feel like poor choices are rewarded and good planning is punished.
I think taking them out to dinner every now and then or giving them a hand-me-down lawn mower or something will help them out without you having to write them a check. Once you give money they'll expect it.
BINGO!
My husband has one sister who lives at home and doesn't work (29, divorced twice, dropout, no GED). His very wealthy parents bought a 3 bed house in a gated community for his other sister (36 yrs old and unable to work due to intellectual disability). They pay $2k/month for the disabled sister to take private horse lessons. Both sisters have 10 yr old girls, fathers are MIA. In-laws pay for everything from cars, electronics, high-end items, etc... The little girls carry Coach pocketbooks.
The adult children make no effort to be independent. In-laws give the adult children allowances, for gas and food. But when SILs get the money, they go out and buy clothes/makeup/drinks and forgo the gas/ food, knowing when their parents find out, they will just fill the tanks and fridge "for the grandkids". The 29yr old has left home only once for 2 years, during her last marriage, where her husband temporarily filled the handout role.
In-laws have never sent us any help or even any gifts on birthdays/holidays. Like you, we don't have kids or expect help or gifts, but it looks an awful lot like poor choices are rewarded, especially with the 29 year old. We are doing OK, but we can't afford a condo in our area or leisure vacations, for instance.
On my side, I have a very poor sister who is a single mom with 2. She does have a HS diploma, and earned a nursing aid certificate at night school after she was abandoned by her kid's father. But she can barely keep her head above water. I used to send her money pretty regularly, but after a while, she did come to expect I would/should help her out. And the problems never stop; sending money started looking like throwing donuts at a drowning man. It's sad, but unsustainable.
Because she thinks we're better off, she came to feel I owe her help, and has developed resentments toward me. She could never understand that the money I sent meant taking away from my "want" items, taking money out of our vacation pot, and even postponing semi-needs like dental work and eyeglasses. I send less money now, and more hand-me-downs. When I see her once a year, I do take her and the kids out for big day trips they otherwise would not afford, and I send the kids big presents on their birthdays.
I find it fascinating that my in-laws spend more a month on a horse than my sister earns in a month. It's also fascinating that the very poor can look at someone who can't afford a home and think they're "rich". Even more fascinating, though, is how my sister and sisters-in-law can develop similar entitlement complexes from two totally different environments.
Giving is the problem. If you give to anyone regularly they will come to expect it.
Discalimer - I only read the original post. I did not read any responses.
We are in a similar position. My wife and I are OK financially, not rich but have some extra $. We help family members, but not in the way your decribe. We don't just send them $ every month. We'll help fund an education or help if someone needs a car to get to work or buy someone a computer if they need one - things like that. I won't just automatically send them $ but if someone in my family wants to do something to better themselves, I'll help financially and support them emotionally.
$10/hr is pretty low though, that has to be a hard life. If you have the means to do it, I would let them know I would help with living expenses if they enroll in a vocational or whatever program that would lead to a better career. But that they have to work for something better for themselves, not just do what they do and get $ from you, that seems like they are taking advantage. Status quo = no (I just made that up myself!).
Depends on where they live and how many people are working. If it's 2 people making $10 an hour, here, it'd be okay to live off of as long as you weren't foolish.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
