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Yeah, I think it's easier if they don't even know you have money. STOP telling them about it. Why would they even know about the inheritance?!
Stop giving them money. Stop flaunting it, stop telling them what you make and what you have. Hell, I'd even say there was a mistake or with the inheritance there were some back taxes or funeral expenses or something came up, make yourself look more broke than you are.
Then STOP thinking about it, and move on. If I were them, I'd get sick of hearing about how well off you are doing.
They think it is only fair that my husband and I send them money help them out on a regular basis because we hit the jackpot with our successful careers and good investment choices, and they didn't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HumanNature
Interesting replies so far but let me clarify my question:
My brothers and sisters think we should share out wealth and basically send them a supplemental income based on the fact that we are doing so well and they are not.
If you are saying they are looking for a handout then my answer would be "no."
However if the money were a loan or gift to help fund a legitmate business it would be worth considering.
Are they continuing to make bad choices or are they just in a hole they can't get out of due to lack of skills? Two totally different things here.
If you are inclined to help what about paying their utilities or maybe send them gift cards of the grocery store? Stuff that covers the necessities and not the general Visa gift card or cash that can be used for unnecessary/wrong things?
What about offering to pay for night school so they can better themselves?? Or classes at a community college?
It is your complete call but it is wrong for them to EXPECT you to do these things. They made their own choices in their lives and chose not to go down a fulfilling path...
I think himain makes several good points. The OP says they are comfortable, NOT rich in millionaire category. To me, those two situations would have separate responses. If I fell into, or even earned, multimillions, I would be very generous with my immediate family. I would happily pay off their mortgages, buy the cars, and send their kids to college. But even then I don't think I'd cut them a check every month. People have to take care of themselves day to day. No one has an obligation to share the fruit of their labors with others solely because they are related by blood. And relatives who expect that kind of treatment are out of line.
What kind of cash would you give to charity if you had NO siblings?
I would consider directing that amount to your relatives, but only carefully planned. First of all, himain's initial question is key. What is the REASON they're making $10/hr? Did they fail to go to school for a basic education or some kind of job training? Did they make poor choices that made them unable to get better jobs (drinking, recklessness, too many children to support, etc.)? Do they engage in magical thinking ("I'll just do the minimum now because someday my ship is going to come in.") I've known people like that. SOMEDAY they're going to be fashion designers, or their band will hit the big time, or they're going to be actors, or some such nonsense. I'd never support that kind of behavior.
I also wouldn't support people who were in financial trouble because they had failed to live within their means. If someone came to me and said they had made mistakes and now wanted to go on the straight and narrow ... sell the big house and get a small one, trade the big truck for a modest car, live on a budget ... I'd knock myself out to help them. But unless there are behavior changes that are obvious, they will just be in another jackpot in the future.
I'd be inclined to help the children of your greedy siblings in there are any. They didn't ask to be born to people who thought kids could be raised on $10 an hour. Pay for lessons for the kids, pay their expenses on a trip WITH YOU, take them to the dentist, buy them books, send them to some camp where they'll learn something, help pay for post-high school education IF they have earned a place in a college. But as for the adults ... unless they have fallen on some bad luck like their home got swept away by a tornado, the pipes failed in their house and they got flooded, or their car was totaled through no fault of theirs, I'd pretty much leave them to the bed they made for themselves. Give them a generous gift card for Christmas and call it a day. Concentrate on the ones who could be the next generation of success stories.
They think it is only fair that my husband and I send them money help them out on a regular basis because we hit the jackpot with our successful careers and good investment choices, and they didn't.......
If i was ever told that my checkbook would be closed.
My husband and I are doing quite well financially. We both make a very large income and have lots of money left over after we pay our bills. We also have been doing quite well with our investments. Getting great jobs and making lots of money was a combination of luck, good fortune based on some gambles, and committing ourselves to education and professional development.
My brothers and sisters (all are working class folks making less than $10 an hour) are not doing so well financially. All of them are hard workers and most of them work 2-3 jobs. They are always working but can't get their heads above water due to expenses in our inflationary times.
They think it is only fair that my husband and I send them money help them out on a regular basis because we hit the jackpot with our successful careers and good investment choices, and they didn't.
Do you help support less successful members of your family due to a very successful career and investments? Should you?
* Should someone like a Bill Gates (a Billionaire) see that his working class family all live well because he has more money than he can ever spend? (As long as they don't waste the money and continue to work full time)
** Sorry to report I am not Bill Gates but we are doing fine.
The short answer is no, never, for any reason. IF they were living within their means they would not be struggling. They need to learn to make better choices to live within their means and handle their finances better.
Whatever Bill Gates does with his money is his choice and his business. I don't think anyone is obligated to pay for the financial disasters other's get themselves into.
Interesting replies so far but let me clarify my question:
My brothers and sisters think we should share out wealth and basically send them a supplemental income based on the fact that we are doing so well and they are not.
While we are not millionaires, should the hard working but working class low paid brother and sister live a life of struggle if their brother or sister was wealthy? Or should the wealthy sister help support financially their poor brothers and sisters because they are family? (I am not talking about a full support but if the working class brothers and sisters are working full time and just getting by, should the rich family member send them a regular check because they are family?)
If you found out one of Bill Gates's brothers or sisters were living near the poverty line but working full time, would you think less of Bill Gates?
Yes, I would think much less of Bill Gates, because of how vastly rich he is.
I am not sure that I think anyone should help a grown adult, who should be independent and helping themselves (I mean I don't think it is good to be an enabler - and some people just expect others to hand them things, that honestly, they should be working for themselves, that builds strength of character and self independence, imo)....but I guess a lot of it depends on the circumstances and the people involved.
I think family is extremely important, and you should love and support each other as much as you can...
but like I said, lots has to do with the circumstances and the people involved.
If you found out one of Bill Gates's brothers or sisters were living near the poverty line but working full time, would you think less of Bill Gates?
No. As it is, Bill Gates is from a wealthy family and was provided the ultimate education that money could buy. The same goes for his siblings. So if they couldn't make something of themselves, despite being from wealth and having world class education-- there's something wrong there with them. It's no fault of Gates and if he chose not to support his siblings, he shouldn't be looked down upon. We wouldn't know the whole story anyways.
OP's family made an "easy" choice and they're definitely paying for it now.
Do you help support less successful members of your family due to a very successful career and investments? Should you?
* Should someone like a Bill Gates (a Billionaire) see that his working class family all live well because he has more money than he can ever spend? (As long as they don't waste the money and continue to work full time)
Both my brother & I have good jobs. But he is wealthier than I & his job required far more years of study/training. Should he help me financially? No. Would he or would I if the circumstances were reversed? depends.
I think everyone makes choices. Some do not handle their money as wisely as others. Should those who are wise be guilted into bailing out those who are unwise? No.
Now, if those who are wise want to help a sibling, without any guilt trips, and without any prompting and of their free choice, then so be it.
Bill Gates is in a totally different category than most of us, and I can't speak for him.
Wow. First off, I would help my sister because she would do the same for me. We would also appreciate it a LOT and would never use each other or be greedy.
A friend of mine was just telling me how her sister had a rich friend who took care of so many things for her and was so good to her and she only became greedier with time and very entitlement-minded, he had to cut her off.
My opinion is, there is now "should" or "should not". Every situation is different, there is no law on it.
For me, I would NEVER just give over an allotment each month! WOW! How greedy is that? "Give me X amount of dollars every month because you made better choices!" is essentially what is being said.
Also, they have the opportunity to blow the money on stupid stuff, not pay bills, and expect you to bail them out further.
I would set up college funds for their kids, pay off a car loan, or pay for community college.
But handing over money every month like you are just giving them a paycheck because you are their sibling and are better off? Oh HELL no.
Esp because they seem to demand it. I've read your other threads btw. Your family does NOT deserve it.
If a family asked me or told me I should, then no way in hell would I do it!
After what they have said to you and how they live and treat you, then demand an allowance for you just "because"? I still can't believe you question it. NO, you should NOT support them. That's my answer for you plain and simple.
My sister has helped me when I needed it, so I would help her. She'd never ask. We appreciate and help each other. We would never feel entitled to the other giving us handouts on a monthly basis though, that's for damn sure. Wow, the nerve.
This post says everything I was going to say.
My brother and I have certainly helped each other out in the past. Sometimes he has been stupid and I have bailed him out. Other times I was the stupid one and he bailed ME out. He even helped me out from prison! He had money from oil royalties we inherited from our father. I had sold mine years before so I no longer had any monthly checks coming in but he'd held on to his, even though the monthlies were small. Being in prison, it just kind of built up and he had more than he needed. I was not getting child support from my sons father and Christmas rolled around, and my brother sent me about $400 to help! Sounds kind of crazy but it's true.
My brother has a lot of issues, pretty severe mental health problems and alcoholism and if I had a bunch of money I would probably buy him a house or a houseboat to make sure he always had a place to live and see to his bills and basic needs.
The thing is, he would never expect it, demand it, or ask for it, which is why I would be more inclined to do it.
He would also give me his last penny if he thought i needed it, and I wouldn't ever have to ask. He is the kind of person, despite his serious flaws, that if I called him late at night with a flat tire and no spare and no money, he'd clean out his bank account of the last $100 to buy me a tire and bring it. That's how our relationship is. We take care of each other but neither of us "expects" or demands anything.
If he had a sense of entitlement about any help I would tell him to kiss my ass.
Now, I had another family situation regarding money that lead to some resentment. My ex-inlaws do have a lot of money, they are affluent and have never wanted for anything. I happened to marry the "black sheep" of the two sons, you could say, and there was clear financial favoritism with the "other grandkids" in the family. The ex-ILs went on and on and on about how great my kids were (and we live about six hours from them) and how much better behaved and so forth, but they provided the 'other grandkids' with private swimming lessons, horseback riding lessons, and paid their fancy private school tuition that was more than my current college tuition.
I was told, one year, that they'd purchased savings bonds for the boys for college, but my eldest is 21 and the younger is 15 and I haven't heard a word about that since, and they were little at the time.
The thing about this was, the other parents (my ex husband's brother and wife) were upper middle class and didn't "need" this kind of help. I was working my butt off, literally, to put our kids in a low cost private school with no help while my husband, their son, sat on his butt at home drinking and playing video games. Maybe they felt like I was such a bad-ass mom that my kids would be fine even if they were scraping by? lol.
I certainly had no desires for them to do anything for ME but with the kids, it did kind of bug me. Grandkid situations are different and can be tricky. I know they don't "have" to do anything but when my kids were there visiting it was hard for them not to notice the differences. But whatever. I just know that when I have grandkids I will not be so blatantly unfair, assuming my 1st born ever has kids anyway. Of course, I never SAID anything about any of this to them. I was raised better!
My husband and I are doing quite well financially. We both make a very large income and have lots of money left over after we pay our bills. We also have been doing quite well with our investments. Getting great jobs and making lots of money was a combination of luck, good fortune based on some gambles, and committing ourselves to education and professional development.
My brothers and sisters (all are working class folks making less than $10 an hour) are not doing so well financially. All of them are hard workers and most of them work 2-3 jobs. They are always working but can't get their heads above water due to expenses in our inflationary times.
They think it is only fair that my husband and I send them money help them out on a regular basis because we hit the jackpot with our successful careers and good investment choices, and they didn't.
Do you help support less successful members of your family due to a very successful career and investments? Should you?
* Should someone like a Bill Gates (a Billionaire) see that his working class family all live well because he has more money than he can ever spend? (As long as they don't waste the money and continue to work full time)
** Sorry to report I am not Bill Gates but we are doing fine.
Support them? No. Occasionally help? Right Off the bat, I would say yes. You claim they are hard-working (which makes all the difference in the world vs. someone whos too lazy to work and demands a hand-out).It also seems you have a relatively good (or maybe very good?) relationship with them. You also claim your doing very well while they are making near minimum wage. Why not be be generous and occasionally slip them an envelope of cash OR treat them to a nice meal and concert or take them with you on a vacation? These are things they'd probably love to do but seldom do because they don't have the discretionary income.
Lifes short, you can't take your cash and investments with you. Why not spread it around a little?
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lol. 
