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Yes OP. While it doesn't sound as though anything you said was rude, it's the responsibility of the restaurant to see to the comfort of all their patrons. You should have let the manager know, and at the very least, requested to be reseated away from the loud kids.
You do see the problem there? "All their patrons" also includes oblivious mom and her kids. Is mgt supposed to sacrifice her experience in favor of (generic you) yours? Move you, sure, no need to comp you, it's not an error or fault on the restaurants part that the lady can't handle her kid to your satisfaction. If it gets to the point that several people complain then I think that's a different story and mgt should step in and say something to the parent, but other than that, no, it's not their place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin
I don't think the OP was overreacting, in fact if more people spoke up these days than tolerating bad behavior, there would be less of it.
And exactly how old were you when they did that? Three? Two? Maybe 18 months? I'm sure that would've made an impression at that age
Yes children need to be taught manners. However that 'teaching' implies time, and a lot of the behaviour really only comes with age. I'm talking about the under 3 crowd mainly. It is very difficult for a one or two year old to sit through a restaurant meal. Some can, most cannot. Yes for us restaurants were very very rare during those years because we knew it could go badly and it just wasn't worth it. But it's not like we went without a single dinner out for three years. still went out for one reason or another a few times, mainly for family occasions or to meet friends, when it was a good middle ground meeting spot without anyone having to be responsible for hosting and cooking. We also went out on vacation, because we had no other choice. I would bring a bag full of toys and activities and snacks to keep him occupied but there were some occasions where he would still get fed up and want nothing to do with any of it. Usually one of us would take him out for a bit and we would take turns eating as fast as we can, we apologized profusely if a toy was hurled across the restaurant floor (yes, that happened, mighty difficult thing to prevent), and we left a hefty tip as we hurried out. Once he was three or so it became a lot easier to reason with him and the 'talks' and verbal reprimands actually worked. But before then there was just no getting through to him.
It started when I was about 2, but I have siblings who are 5+ years younger than me. We received this warning every time we went out. And my parents were dead serious. Even to a 5 year old, 18 years old is like an eternity! We didn't have toys at the table. We could have a coloring book or color/draw on a placemat, but no toys whatsoever.
I've worked in restaurants and 3 year olds are hardly the age when the brattiness ends. I've seen plenty of 6-10 year olds acting like super brats. Why? They're allowed to.
I was 2 1/2 when I attended the wedding of my mom and step-dad. I sat there and behaved at the table. I wasn't around to run around. I didn't stay for the whole reception because it was close to my bedtime.
I was 5 years old the first time I went to Colonial Williamsburg. Even though I didn't touch everything in the buildings/houses. It amazes me how many adults do this when I tour these types of places. When I went to Poplar Forest (Jefferson's vacation home), the tour guide literally had just told us not to touch anything especially the walls and do not lean or sit on anything. She doesn't even finish her sentence and my eyes are bugging out. Some 40 year old special snowflake is flicking his finger at the 300+ year old plaster!! I wanted to punch him in the face. They've spent millions restoring the house because it was sooo dilapidated. They're kind enough to open it to the public and you can tour it, then you get idiots like this in there who ruin it for others.
btw I have very well behaved kids in public. But I am so sick of all these posts whining about kids. If you are bothered by them, stay home of find establishments who segregate them or ban them. Easy peasy. You cant decide how she parents and clearly doesnt know what she is up against. Moms dont have to stay home to make you happy. Get over it.
If your kids are so well behaved why are you sick of people whining about bad kids? Between this and your other post I'd venture to say that this type of thread hits fairly well home for you, regardless of what you say. Maybe you yourself have been the receiving end of someone like the op telling you to control your kids a few times?
I myself have a child who is very well behaved when we go out, because he knows if he isn't, we go home. If we are at a restaurant and he misbehaves, we leave. This has only happened once. I as a parent will not put anyone else through his bad behavior just because I want to eat out. It doesn't matter what age a child is, they should be at least decently well behaved. If they are playing that is one thing, if they are screaming, yelling, or running around amok that is another. When I go out to eat, I expect some level of peace and quiet while I am eating, unless I am at Chuck E Cheese or have for some reason sat myself in the play place of McD's or BK, and so does everyone else. Just because a place is considered a "family restaurant" does not give children permission to be overly loud, which seems to be a very common misconception these days. Mom might not have to stay home to make people happy, but she does need to "get over herself" and control her kids, or at least apologize properly for her kid's behavior if she was otherwise mentally occupied.
Actually I am frequently complimented on my children's behavior. They go to museums, nice restaurants, art studios, travel, etc. The week of thanksgiving break I got 4 random compliments on my kids behavior. They are 8 and 9.
But I have "been there" when it comes to kids having a bad day. Every honest parent has. And it took a lot of training to get my kids to be well behaved. There is so much anti kid crap on here, it's just beyond silly. I'm sure my kids have irritated people before. My job is to train them,care for them, not make everyone happy.
The only time I can recall getting any negative comment was on an air plane. Oh it was sweet revenge, though. We were traveling for medical reasons and my daughter had been such a trooper through three days of medical testing and long flights, little sleep. We were seated behind 2 men using foul and crude language the entire 3 hour flight. I'm not going to say anything cause I don't want a confrontation in an enclosed space with no exit. As we began to land, my little one just hit her limit. She started screaming and crying. Did I mention I was exhausted from the trip and days of seeing her through medical tests, many painful. I just needed to get her to the car and home. That was my only objective at that point (when she loses it, boy does she lose it). I attempted to comfort her, but there wasn't much I could do besides ride it out. I didn't have the reserves to think of any magic bullet. Heck there wasn't one. I'm her mom, been doing this a while, so I know she just hit her limit. The foul language guy made rude comments. I ignored him. I'm sure to him it seemed like I was doing nothing. But he knew nothing of our lives. So I just didn't care. She cried and screamed through the whole airport, getting our bags she threw herself on the floor and *gasp* people had to walk around her. I'm sure lots of people thought bad about me for not smacking some sense into her. Lol. That would have gone over well (not).
Anyways, I rarely see a situation that get my knickers in a knot like so many people. If it's a fancy restaurant, or a library, that's one thing. If it's the rest of the world...and it bothers you....stay home. You know nothing of the other persons life. Show some compassion or move yourself out of the situation. Stop thinking the world revolves around making you happy
ETA as angry and annoyed with the crude talking men, I made it my business to occupy my child so she was somewhat sheltered from it...because I don't assume I can control that guys behavior. If it was dangerous, well thats another story and momma bear would have come out.
Last edited by HighFlyingBird; 12-08-2014 at 03:35 AM..
Why do you think what you expected the mom to say was "more appropriate". It's totally inappropriate to interfere with someone else's parenting. As many have said, asking to be moved to a different table would have been a better approach than confronting the mom.
One time, a friend and I took our almost 3 year olds to "Disney on Ice". After a long drive down to Denver, and sitting still for a two hour show, we went to a McDonald's for some lunch. McDonald's mind you. By this time, the kids had quite a bit of pent up energy. We sat in the very back of the restaurant, but the kids did run back to the restrooms a few times. (This Mac's did not have a playground.) They were being pretty quiet, OTOH. Two older women were sitting near us. The kids did not go into their space, but these women were talking about how awful the kids were and predicting a life of crime for them. I told my mother about this and she said, "It's not that kids behaved any better when those women had their kids; it's just that people didn't take them out in public". I thought that was very perceptive, and I'd like all the people who are predicting these lives of crime and communism for misbehaving toddlers to remember that.
See above. How many kids have you raised?
Frankly, I don't believe you. Now I'm not saying you're not telling the truth, I think either your memory is impaired or you just don't notice such behavior from adults. NPR just did a story about office parties and alcohol last week: Mischief Under The Mistletoe: Office Partygoers Behaving Badly : NPR When alcohol is involved, things can get very loud and go very bad very quickly. In fact, since at my own office party someone has gotten drunk and obnoxious two years in a row, our boss has decided there will be no alcohol this year. At first, there was going to be no party at all.
See this is a huge issue. People's personal tolerance for children's behavior. I have a very high tolerance, because I don't pretend to know what people are up against. There are times I have been annoyed, but I call that my issue to handle. Was it a bad day. Does the child have autism. Is the mom ill. Was the parents raised differently then I was. Etc. Besides people playing on their phone ignoring the whole thing (I see rarely and do find annoying), it's just healthier for me to stay zen
I think mothers with small children develop the ability to "tune out" the background noise and they probably don't eat out much, so to them everything is just fine.
She is probably talking about you to her friends.
I understand your side too, worked in a restaurant all of my life and you feel bad for both sides. One wants to spend their hard earned money eating out in peace while the other is so excited to finally be getting out, it never crosses their mind that what they are oblivious to is disturbing to others.
Once I encountered people about to be seated near my family who scowled and immediately asked to be seated elsewhere as soon as they saw my kids, at a restaurant totally geared toward children. My husband and I just kind of giggled.
I actually have very well behaved children who put napkins in laps and color quietly, or engage in quiet, entertaining conversation among our family. Still, I know that if I go to a restaurant that offers a kids menu, there exists the possibility of unruly children. Just as I know that if there's alcohol served there may be loudmouths dropping f-bombs right next to my kids. But I'm not going to just hide from the world.
Confronting people serves no purpose, in my opinion, and opens you up to tense and possibly dangerous situations. You can always complain to a manager, or take your money and walk.
This is one of those no-win scenarios, like questioning the rhetoric surrounding feminism or white privilege; no matter how polite, well-thought-out, or well-intentioned your argument, you're going to get lumped in with the a**holes. There's just no way to avoid it.
Being a parent pretty much requires a person to adopt an attitude of knowing what's what, knowing what's best for everyone else, etc. Trying to puncture that will not only get you jumped on by them, but by every other parent in the room (and half the non-parents).
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