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Include her in meal planning & ask her to contribute.
Make sure there are enough chairs at a TABLE for anyone & everyone who might show up, no matter what time.
Either make place cards or don't expect to sit anywhere specific.
I have to ask.....for everyone who thought it so awful that I didn't have ONE table with enough chairs for everyone (even those who were late), do YOU have one table that sits 10-12 people? If not, what do you do? Who decides who sits where? Do you make place cards?
ike I said earlier, my dining room table will accommodate 8. That would've still left 2 people who would have to sit in the kitchen. Who should those 2 have been? (I asked this earlier but don't think I got an answer)[/quote]
That's a smart idea. Maybe invite your new daughter over to help you cook and set up holiday dinners. Then without any words, she will know how to be a host. Learn to have enough and extra chairs onhand, and how to set up tables. Ask your daughter how to set up the tables when it it is hard to accomodate that many people at once. Good luck to you
If anyone had shown up with Taco Bell at Christmas dinner, we'd have teased them mercilessly and then let it go (but it would probably have re-emerged as a running joke at the next holiday). And if being rude is a pattern with her, why would you expect anything different or let it bother you?
And the chair issue is on you. You had guests over and expected them to hold a chair for you (the hostess) rather than having enough chairs set out? C'mon now.
Sounds like it was a plenty stressful holiday without taking offense where you didn't necessarily have to.
And if it's the husband's house then it is also his daughter's house as well, in a way at least as it is the "family home" for the Dad's side anyway. Most families tend to act more casually when at home together. Or at least most families that I know. All this talk about proper etiquette doesn't make much sense in the context of a casual family get together at home. At least not to me.
No, my family doesn't refer to Emily Post for holiday dinners, either, lol. I don't think that's the concern so much as the OP's perception of being disrespected. She is having the family dinner at her house, and this little twit shows up with a bag of fast-food. That's a straight-up insult meant to send a message that whatever the food is that the OP's serving, it probably won't be good enough. And she probably knows how much it irked the OP and is probably having a good laugh about it!
Include her in meal planning & ask her to contribute.
Make sure there are enough chairs at a TABLE for anyone & everyone who might show up, no matter what time.
Either make place cards or don't expect to sit anywhere specific.
I have to ask.....for everyone who thought it so awful that I didn't have ONE table with enough chairs for everyone (even those who were late), do YOU have one table that sits 10-12 people? If not, what do you do? Who decides who sits where? Do you make place cards?
Like I said earlier, my dining room table will accommodate 8. That would've still left 2 people who would have to sit in the kitchen. Who should those 2 have been? (I asked this earlier but don't think I got an answer)
Why didn't the six adults sit together at the kitchen island, which is bigger? What were you planning to do before you knew she would be late?
My dining room table seats eight, or 10 if the two youngest kids are squished awkwardly at the ends. We use a card table. What we don't do is take the best things for ourselves and make our guests fend for themselves.
And more importantly, how are you going to manage holiday dinners at your house in the future? You need a plan so you can prevent ending up pissed off.
I answered that a few posts above.
Include her in meal planning & ask her to contribute.
Make sure there are enough chairs at a TABLE for anyone & everyone who might show up, no matter what time.
Either make place cards or don't expect to sit anywhere specific.
I have to ask.....for everyone who thought it so awful that I didn't have ONE table with enough chairs for everyone (even those who were late), do YOU have one table that sits 10-12 people? If not, what do you do? Who decides who sits where? Do you make place cards?
Like I said earlier, my dining room table will accommodate 8. That would've still left 2 people who would have to sit in the kitchen. Who should those 2 have been? (I asked this earlier but don't think I got an answer)[/quote]
I happen to be wife #3 and I have 2 grown step children, their Mother and her family that I have dealt with for 15+ years.
I have never had so much trouble in all of these years that you had at one dinner.
As far as seating, we have a dining room table that will seat 8 with both of the table leafs put in, the same as the rest of the family. When everyone is together we have no less than 30 at any given moment.
Other smaller tables are set up where there is room, otherwise everyone sits where there is an open chair or they sit in the living room if some are watching sports.
People move around with their plates, they visit with others, it is very informal and buffet style serving is always set up.
All you have to do is be welcoming and try to pretend the best you can that you are happy they are sharing their timee with you in the home you and your husband invited them to.
No, my family doesn't refer to Emily Post for holiday dinners, either, lol. I don't think that's the concern so much as the OP's perception of being disrespected. She is having the family dinner at her house, and this little twit shows up with a bag of fast-food.
She is their daughter not a little twit. It is her house, she can eat Taco Bell if she wishes.
Quote:
That's a straight-up insult meant to send a message that whatever the food is that the OP's serving, it probably won't be good enough. And she probably knows how much it irked the OP and is probably having a good laugh about it!
You seem to have very vindictive outlook, almost kiniving...and are trying to put that on the daughter. She is 17, my guess is she just wanted something different than the OP served. IF so, she has the right to bring it to her own house.
[quote=TN2HSV;42425680]And more importantly, how are you going to manage holiday dinners at your house in the future? You need a plan so you can prevent ending up pissed off.
Quote:
I answered that a few posts above.
Include her in meal planning & ask her to contribute.
Make sure there are enough chairs at a TABLE for anyone & everyone who might show up, no matter what time.
Either make place cards or don't expect to sit anywhere specific.
I have to ask.....for everyone who thought it so awful that I didn't have ONE table with enough chairs for everyone (even those who were late), do YOU have one table that sits 10-12 people? If not, what do you do? Who decides who sits where? Do you make place cards?
Like I said earlier, my dining room table will accommodate 8. That would've still left 2 people who would have to sit in the kitchen. Who should those 2 have been? (I asked this earlier but don't think I got an answer)
I don't think it was so awful that you didn't have one table with enough chairs for everyone. I think your expectations regarding the seating arrangement in the kitchen for the casual meal were not realistic due to you being upset over SD sitting at the table instead of the counter.
Our Dining table is small. If we put in the leaf it seats 6 comfortably but we can squeeze in 8 chairs if we try. When we have had family gatherings we add a card table to the end of the dining table and put a large tablecloth over all of it. We have managed to fit a lot of people at that table.
If your dining table comfortably fits 8 then squeezing in two extra chairs in does not seem difficult. If 8 is already a squeeze then the card table at the end or even two TV trays at the end would work fine.
She could be hurt because her stepmom does not seem to care for her. Who knows? However, the wife, who supposedly is older, has to set the tone by letting things go. Yes, the stepdaughter needs to use better manners, but the stepmom needs to quit letting small things get under her skin so much.
Yes, I agree. In the post you quoted, I said the OP needs to take the high road. Stooping to the girl's level is not the answer.
No, my family doesn't refer to Emily Post for holiday dinners, either, lol. I don't think that's the concern so much as the OP's perception of being disrespected. She is having the family dinner at her house, and this little twit shows up with a bag of fast-food. That's a straight-up insult meant to send a message that whatever the food is that the OP's serving, it probably won't be good enough. And she probably knows how much it irked the OP and is probably having a good laugh about it!
That little twit is family. More specifically, that little twit is the op's husband's daughter who is home for the holiday. I totally agree that brining Taco Bell to a holiday meal was dumb but also not something worth getting that upset over. The op aired her feelings about it to her SD, which was appropriate. Holding a grudge over it is not healthy for anyone.
She is their daughter not a little twit. It is her house, she can eat Taco Bell if she wishes.
You seem to have very vindictive outlook, almost kiniving...and are trying to put that on the daughter. She is 17, my guess is she just wanted something different than the OP served. IF so, she has the right to bring it to her own house.
??? Did you actually read this thread? She is not 17, she is 22 years old. College-educated and engaged to be married.
It is her father's house, but her stepmother is the woman of that house, and so she should be respected. She doesn't live there.
And sorry, but I continue to disagree. If my own mother was making me Christmas dinner, I wouldn't show up with a bag of fast-food and turn my nose up at what she cooked. It is disrespectful. I wouldn't do that to ANYONE who invited me over for dinner.
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