I dont like my brother in law (husband, children, sister)
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I asked her an hour ago about it and her first answer was "would I get to keep my stamps?" :/
I couldn't really talk more with her about it she was putting her make up on.
Im gonna think more about all this. Im thinking maybe I could do this.
Don't be so simple. If you're going to take your nephew, then do it right. Which means, doing it LEGALLY. Given the Stamps response you got from your sister, she's not going to sign him over. If she's not going to sign him over, forget about taking him because otherwise that's asking for a whole bucket of troubles.
If you leave and take him with you w/o permission, or even with permission but without legal rights to him, you can be arrested for kidnapping. Do not do that!
I always have stuck by my mom bc I want her to love me. I try to please her and take care of her but she just doesnt like me. She used to be the best mom in the world but she changed now nothing I do is ever right and she gets drunk and screams at me. I have always taken care of her and made her good and did whatever she wanted. My sister likes me sometimes but my mom likes her best and they make fun of me and I just feel like they both dont like me. Im starting to think the right thing to do is to leave but I dont know if I could turn them in.
Heres the thing, if I leave then they won't take care of the kids. My siblings wont get fed or helped w/homework and nobody will wash their clothes or sheets. My baby nephew will sit in dirty diapers and go without eating or being held. That's what's gonna happen
Or if I turn them in my family will never forgive me. They might go to jail and the kids will go to foster care and be split up and I have been in foster care and I was better off with my mom then what I experienced. Like I still do not know what to do and I am still thinking about it but this is why its hard for me. This is my family I dont have anyone else.
It's not you, it's them. They are completely dysfunctional. It doesn't matter what you do, or how long you do it. Nothing will change if you just stay there and take care of them.
OP - getting out of that kind of a situation is extremely hard, but you're a smart woman and if anyone can do it, YOU CAN!
Sometimes we have to cut the cancer out of our lives so to speak and that's exactly what you need to do. It will be scary and there will be moments when you don't think you'll make it, but I promise you - YOU WILL.
You will make it because the dream of having a life of your own will become real for you and you won't be able to give it up. All of the heartache and self-doubt will be worth it. You've just gotta muster up the courage to take that first super scary step and that is believing you are worth more than being their doormat.
You don't need their approval or even their blessing. Only your own desire to have a better life. You can do it.
As for the child, that is not your responsibility. You are 22...you've gotta figure yourself out before you can ever think of caring for someone else. Put YOU first! You deserve nothing less.
My dear Miss Daisy, if you stay where you are, 20 years from now your kid will be posting this same thing on City Data. You will spend your entire life catering to these people and end up with exactly nothing. And you will most likely bring another generation into this world with no way out. If you want even a chance of doing well, you have to get away from these people and their disastrous life-style choices. You are not strong enough to save them but they are strong enough to make you their victim.
Get your own bank account in your name only and start saving money. Work as much as you can and don't ever bring paychecks or money back to the house. They will take it from you. Do anything you can to become more skilled and employable. Move out and do not let them know where you live. They WILL move in. Or better yet, leave the area.
My dear Miss Daisy, if you stay where you are, 20 years from now your kid will be posting this same thing on City Data. You will spend your entire life catering to these people and end up with exactly nothing. And you will most likely bring another generation into this world with no way out. If you want even a chance of doing well, you have to get away from these people and their disastrous life-style choices. You are not strong enough to save them but they are strong enough to make you their victim.
Get your own bank account in your name only and start saving money. Work as much as you can and don't ever bring paychecks or money back to the house. They will take it from you. Do anything you can to become more skilled and employable. Move out and do not let them know where you live. They WILL move in. Or better yet, leave the area.
You can save you. But you can't save them!
thank you for the advice. yes, I am saving as much money as I can. My hours have unfortunately been cut but I am looking for another job, its just hard bc a lot of retail isnt hiring since its slow. A lot of places are not hiring just taking applications but I am doing the best I can to find another job & save up money.
and germaine Im not going to take my nephew if i do do this. I want to but i know i couldnt which breaks my heart bc I love him so much and I have taken care of him since he was a newborn baby I think thats why Im so attached I think of him as my own even though Iknow hes not mine, I know I didnt give birth to him but its hard to break those feelings when i have cared for & bonded w/ him. I know thats hard for ppl here to understand. I do love him and wants whats best for him but im also selfish bc I love him and want him to be with me but i know thats not possible as you & every one else has said.
I really just asked her to see what she would say & to put it out there that I was thinking of maybe doing this, but she thinks its about this guy Ive been talking to online.
OP - getting out of that kind of a situation is extremely hard, but you're a smart woman and if anyone can do it, YOU CAN!
Sometimes we have to cut the cancer out of our lives so to speak and that's exactly what you need to do. It will be scary and there will be moments when you don't think you'll make it, but I promise you - YOU WILL.
You will make it because the dream of having a life of your own will become real for you and you won't be able to give it up. All of the heartache and self-doubt will be worth it. You've just gotta muster up the courage to take that first super scary step and that is believing you are worth more than being their doormat.
You don't need their approval or even their blessing. Only your own desire to have a better life. You can do it.
As for the child, that is not your responsibility. You are 22...you've gotta figure yourself out before you can ever think of caring for someone else. Put YOU first! You deserve nothing less.
Thank you for the kind words & to everyone who has given me advice i appreciate all of it
thank you for the advice. yes, I am saving as much money as I can. My hours have unfortunately been cut but I am looking for another job, its just hard bc a lot of retail isnt hiring since its slow. A lot of places are not hiring just taking applications but I am doing the best I can to find another job & save up money.
and germaine Im not going to take my nephew if i do do this. I want to but i know i couldnt which breaks my heart bc I love him so much and I have taken care of him since he was a newborn baby I think thats why Im so attached I think of him as my own even though Iknow hes not mine, I know I didnt give birth to him but its hard to break those feelings when i have cared for & bonded w/ him. I know thats hard for ppl here to understand. I do love him and wants whats best for him but im also selfish bc I love him and want him to be with me but i know thats not possible as you & every one else has said.
I really just asked her to see what she would say & to put it out there that I was thinking of maybe doing this, but she thinks its about this guy Ive been talking to online.
I am so happy to hear that you are not taking your nephew. Having a child severely, severely limits your options.
People do understand that you love and have bonded deeply with your nephew, they just know that it would be virtually impossible for you to be successful if you also have to be responsible for him, too.
You can still love your nephew and be a good role model to him. You can be someone who he really looks up to and respects. And, once you are out and successful you can help him become successful, too.
If you take your nephew with you... it is not legal.
The instant you don't give your sister something she wants, she can charge you with kidnapping if she wants and you will go to jail.
Please... please think rationally!
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but i know i couldnt which breaks my heart bc I love him so much and I have taken care of him since he was a newborn baby I think thats why Im so attached I think of him as my own even though Iknow hes not mine, I know I didnt give birth to him but its hard to break those feelings when i have cared for & bonded w/ him. I know thats hard for ppl here to understand. I do love him and wants whats best for him but im also selfish bc I love him and want him to be with me but i know thats not possible as you & every one else has said. 
