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1) There is 1 main reason why I don't want to go. If I go I know my family will have some fuss about me not being married yet. I don't really get the point of marriage. They want me married just like my brother. Plus they want my wife to be from a specific culture/ethnic background. I don't get it.
2) The one thing that's making me think twice about missing this wedding is my future nieces/nephews. I'm a HUGE fan of kids. They make me laugh, HARD. And from reading the comments it sounds like I could be shut out from their lives?
3) Reading through the posts I noticed a lot of propaganda about marriage. "It's bond between 2 families, they agree to stay together for life." I don't know how to respond to some of these posts.
4) One poster said he or she regrets going to her brother's marriage. I would be interested if that poster elaborated.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,758,476 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FreshFresh
1) There is 1 main reason why I don't want to go. If I go I know my family will have some fuss about me not being married yet. I don't really get the point of marriage. They want me married just like my brother. Plus they want my wife to be from a specific culture/ethnic background. I don't get it.
2) The one thing that's making me think twice about missing this wedding is my future nieces/nephews. I'm a HUGE fan of kids. They make me laugh, HARD. And from reading the comments it sounds like I could be shut out from their lives?
3) Reading through the posts I noticed a lot of propaganda about marriage. "It's bond between 2 families, they agree to stay together for life." I don't know how to respond to some of these posts.
4) One poster said he or she regrets going to her brother's marriage. I would be interested if that poster elaborated.
Did I skip any questions?
1. Personally if anyone got into that line of probing questioning, I'd pull a Drew Rosenhaus and say "Next Question!" Make it a point that your marital status is NOT up for conversation in any fashion. It sounds a lot like an Indian type family since you mention ethnic background, correct me if I'm wrong.
2. I think if you were shut out from the kids lives for not attending a wedding, they are being just as selfish as the other posters are trying to accuse you of being.
3. Don't know how to respond? Don't. The pro-marriage folks will talk you to death here from personal experience.
4. My mother got married recently and I regret wasting the time and money going to her wedding, because she is about to be divorced. If I had known the marriage was going to flop, no way would I have blown that money.
I'm a male and I don't really understand marriage/weddings. Frankly, I don't understand why people get married.
I don't want to deal with the fuss. Family members are supporting the wedding but it seems like it's making them a little too chaotic and I want to avoid this. I'm cool with my brother but it's not like we hang out. So I'm thinking about avoiding the wedding. I support their marriage and I'm fine being there for them after the wedding.
It's not about you. And you think people will be making a big fuss about you not being married when there is a wedding going on?
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Make up a really good excuse (usually you can't afford the travel works) and send a great gift if you don't want to go. For the record, I don't attend weddings or believe in marriage myself.
Well, I'm neither religious nor a believer of anything yet if someone invites me to a confirmation, communion, etc. I still attend. Because---and this is hard for some people to understand---it is not about me and I'm not doing it for me. I'm doing it for the person who wants me there to share in his or her special day. Maybe it's not special to me---that's not the point.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FreshFresh
1) There is 1 main reason why I don't want to go. If I go I know my family will have some fuss about me not being married yet. I don't really get the point of marriage. They want me married just like my brother. Plus they want my wife to be from a specific culture/ethnic background. I don't get it.
3) Reading through the posts I noticed a lot of propaganda about marriage. "It's bond between 2 families, they agree to stay together for life." I don't know how to respond to some of these posts.
Sigh. It's not about "propaganda." I'm married, but I couldn't care less if other people got married. I am the only one of my siblings currently married and I thought I was never getting married because I always said that. They are just trying to explain to you why marriage is important to some people because some people truly believe in it. I don't even like going to weddings but we had one because my husband wanted one. It actually turned out to be quite fun.
You just have to learn how to deal with the fuss. You know why no one annoys us about when we're going to have kids? Because we shut them down.
But OP and The Dissenter sound like peas in a pod. Misery loves company.
I'm a male and I don't really understand marriage/weddings. Frankly, I don't understand why people get married.
I don't want to deal with the fuss. Family members are supporting the wedding but it seems like it's making them a little too chaotic and I want to avoid this. I'm cool with my brother but it's not like we hang out. So I'm thinking about avoiding the wedding. I support their marriage and I'm fine being there for them after the wedding.
Going to the wedding is your way of showing your support. If you don't go, nothing you can say will ever convince him or anyone of your support.
Do it for your brother, you have a lifetime to blow off unimportant events...this is not one of them.
Be there for him.
I'm a male and I don't really understand marriage/weddings. Frankly, I don't understand why people get married.
I don't want to deal with the fuss. Family members are supporting the wedding but it seems like it's making them a little too chaotic and I want to avoid this. I'm cool with my brother but it's not like we hang out. So I'm thinking about avoiding the wedding. I support their marriage and I'm fine being there for them after the wedding.
It's rude not to show up unless it's a case where finances don't allow it.
1)There is 1 main reason why I don't want to go. If I go I know my family will have some fuss about me not being married yet. I don't really get the point of marriage. They want me married just like my brother. Plus they want my wife to be from a specific culture/ethnic background. I don't get it.
So the real problem is not the wedding, but the pressure from your family to get married. That problem will persist, whether or not you go to the wedding.
It is not an uncommon problem. Google is your friend. Do a search using the words - how to respond to when are you getting married
You will see a lot of helpful articles in the search results. Read them and write down the responses which you think might work. Then use the wedding to practice some of those responses.
If you do nothing, nothing will change and you will continue to be nagged.
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wonders if Jokes On You and OP are one and the same....
