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Some people CAN and DO change but it depends on several factors. Were they an alcoholic or druggie and now they are clean and sober? Did they get therapy? Find the Lord? I know a few people who found Jesus and did a complete 180.
What made this person come back into your life, apologize & show regret? Have you seen signs of change? Anybody can say they have changed in order to weasel themselves back into your life. Anybody can talk the talk, I would want to see the proof of this change.
All good questions. I had a boyfriend who had a secret cocaine problem and he really did change. Too late for us to get back together, but he is now my friend again with no issues. He did NA and AA and everything he was supposed to do to change his life.
He was not an inherently toxic person. Quite the opposite. I don't see how a truly toxic personality can change.
A "friend" faded out of my life, then showed up again a few years later. She talked about how she'd been jealous of me, and that's why she undermined and competed with me. I hadn't really thought about it, so welcomed her back. But then I saw what she was doing (same as before) and realized I didn't need people like that in my life. Never saw her again.
This is going to sound very negative. In short, no. Beyond a certain age, people simply do not change short of some extreme, life-altering event. I have found that people who move into your past do so for a reason; it is best to leave them there.
I recently gave someone whom I had been friends with for 4 yrs a 2nd chance.This person had hurt me to my core a few yrs ago...found out that he had been very deceitful to me and lied to me.The last time I had seen him is when he had hurt me to my core.I had thought I was friends with this person and was so hurt by what he had done to me.I had told him off in an e-mail and I was done with him.Then 2 1/2 yrs later I get an e-mail from him asking me how I was doing.I didn't respond back to him until 4 months later because I had been ready to.Well at 1st the conversations were short and him asking me what I have been up to...I eventually couldn't take it any longer and told him that I couldn't be friends with anyone who had hurt me like he had back then.After I brought up the elephant in the room...that's when he apologized to me for how he had treated me.Well I thought that meant that he would make an effort to mend the friendship.Like someone said...actions speak louder then words.After he stated to me that he wanted to mend the friendship...this is what has happened since...I had called him to chat(since he had stated that I could always call him)and we did for a few minutes until he stated that he needed to go somewhere and he would call me back.Well he never did and the next day never even e-mailed me to at least say oops..sorry about yesterday.Well then I had e-mailed him and told him that I would call him 2 days later.He stated that would be fine,,,and then later e-mailed saying that he would be going somewhere and that how he would call me back when he was done....THAT never happened either and the next morning never said anything about it.Basically so far..he hasn't made any attempt to try to mend the friendship like how he should since he was the one who had reached out to me.I am very hurt by this because he was one of these people whom I could tell him anything..I really did value the friendship but apparently he still doesn't appreciate me as a friend.I have decided to not contact this person anymore.At least I got my apology out of all of this but I don't need the selfish ignorant clueless behavior of someone.
i'd give them a second chance since we all make mistakes and some of us learn from them.
if not, I keep the person at a far distance away from me. Once the cycle keeps repeating itself, rarely it changes
Well if they did all this. And went to a recovery group for years or spent years in counseling, then I give it one try.
I found so much craziness today is alcohol or drug related. It kills their brain cells.
Don't argue with them.
Part of the craziness is the need to be right. Over nothing or in the face of the obvious. Like the grass is purple chevron striped. OK what ever you say.
I have gone No contact with my mother due to my mother's lies, prescription drug abuse, alcoholism and most likely undiagnosed mental abuse. For me to even begin to think about have any kind of conversations that could lead towards reconciliation I woulld have to know up front that she has gone thru treatment to address all addictions and thru counseling to address any mental issues and life trauma. Saying sorry for the hell she put me and my siblings thru would never cut it in re-establishing any kind of relationship.
I let a toxic former SIL back into our lives and I regret it. She was nice to us very briefly and has since harassed me about what a bad mother I have been (my kids are grown and fine), she thinks my attitudes are all wrong, pretty much everything I do is wrong. She knows everything, does everything perfectly. Her children are adults and she's run their lives for their entire lives and assumes she can run everyone else's life too. Never again! I will never, ever, allow her near me or my family. I have blocked her everywhere I can and yet she always finds away to get to us and harass us. She's a truly awful, mean, manipulative, controlling witch. So, my answer is a big, fat, NO! Stay away from toxic, mean, venous, people.
If I have made a decision to not want or need you in my life, I dont give an F about you, plain and simple. Way too many people on this earth, to worry about old acquaintances that screwed you over. Toxic people can get help, and may change their ways, but they have done what they have done, and there is no obligation to forget.
I have had people come to me, and say Hi like all is good. Hello, is my only response, and then I say "Keep it moving, We aint cool anymore". Cold and Harsh.
I would only consider accepting a Child of mine, and still with a cautious eye.
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