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My sister is very toxic. Cut her out of the family several years ago. She wanted back and Dad didn't want family strife. The rest of the family wasn't so sure it was a smart move, but ok ... give her a chance. Mom was hesitant too.
But oh she apologized profusely!! I need my family... I miss my family ... i love my family... blah blah blah blah...
We really thought she did change. She was nice and helpful, She even cut back on her Rx habit. It didn't last but a few months. Mom and Dad's health failed and eventually passed away. All she wanted was their stuff. I have never seen a more manipulative person in my life.
In the end, We... as her family... means nothing to her. She is so enveloped in her own toxicity she can't see it.. She will not change. It's her personality. NOTHING we can do will change that. The rest of the family now is very close knit. She is now alone with no one except her daughter which has been drawn into her toxicity. (The nut don't fall far from the tree.)
I am sorry that I gave her a second chance. I should have known better. I feel suckered. The stress and hurt that she put the family through during the passing of our parents is hard to take. We all have now told her to NEVER contact us in any way. And I will call the police if she comes near me or my family. I feel so much better since. Just because they share genes doesn't make them family.
Unfortunately this is how it turns out most of the time.
As Maya Angelou said "when people show themselves to you, believe them".
My SO is 1 of 6 in his family (him, parents, & 3 siblings) & sadly, 3 of his family members (father, sis, & bro) are all the same, toxic monsters...have been for their ENTIRE lives & his mother & other bro while not quite as bad have their no-good or odd-thinking ways as well.
My SO's the ONLY sane, down-to-earth, genuine, kind one in his immediate family & they treat him horribly, like his head's in the sand...it's like them against him. My SO finally got fed up with their ways, but he gave them plenty of chances for multiple years. He's getting to be numb to it, so he doesn't get hurt/mad anymore.
The thing w/ his family members are that they'll never change, apologize, or announce that they're turning over a new leaf because they honestly don't think they're bad in the least, so there's nothing to change as far as they're concerned. They actually think they're fantastic, upstanding individuals (even though they're everything but that). Plus, they've never paid the consequences of how badly they've treated people. His family family members are a lost cause.
If they sincerely apologized, showed a lot of regret years later and showed that they changed?
No, because their change is only superficial. It never takes long before they go back to their old ways. I've cut the majority of both sides of my family out of my life. One side lives to spread rumors about me while the other side treats me like the unwanted redheaded stepchild. I don't need or want them back in my life.
If they sincerely apologized, showed a lot of regret years later and showed that they changed?
If it was clear that they had worked hard to change then yes because people deserve a second chance. That being said if the toxic behaviour reappeared I would cut ties again.
People who hurt others dont deserve chances, and dont deserve to be in my life, I have enough to get on with in many ways without having to worry about some loose cannon, no definitely not.
I had a best friend that I grew up with. We had many great memories together and good times. But I grew up in a toxic household and took out my anxiety/stress on her as she was the closest person in my life. She cut contact with me without warning because she couldn't take it anymore and so four years later, I told her how sorry I was, how I deeply regretted my actions and how much I've changed since I moved out and graduated college. She seemed to be happy for me and said she wanted to meet up and said she missed me/sad about how much she has missed in my life over the years. She then cut me off the next morning and said she is not ready. I don't know what I did wrong but feel like the closest family member in my life killed me off. And I promise I am not a bad person, I have a really big heart and I just didn't know how to healthily channel my emotions back then, and she was like a sister to me so I told her everything. I just miss her so damn bad and regret everything.
I know this hurts you, but I'm thinking that *whatever it was* that caused your friend to pull away from you 4 years ago, is still there.
It's either something in your attitude /behavior, something in her attitude, or some combination.
I don't know what it is.
All I can suggest is that if you grew up in a toxic environment, and that affected you past and present life, then seek therapy to deal with it.
No, that's not going to bring this friendship back. But it will help you to move forward
If they sincerely apologized, showed a lot of regret years later and showed that they changed?
No. It is very rare that someone changes. Anyone can put on an act that they have changed just to get back into your good graces. Learn about narcissistic personality disorder and sociopathy before diving back into the pool with a toxic person.
If they sincerely apologized, showed a lot of regret years later and showed that they changed?
Well if they did all this. And went to a recovery group for years or spent years in counseling, then I give it one try.
I found so much craziness today is alcohol or drug related. It kills their brain cells.
Don't argue with them.
Part of the craziness is the need to be right. Over nothing or in the face of the obvious. Like the grass is purple chevron striped. OK what ever you say.
No. It is very rare that someone changes. Anyone can put on an act that they have changed just to get back into your good graces. Learn about narcissistic personality disorder and sociopathy before diving back into the pool with a toxic person.
I have had the disappointment of discovering that the same individual remains toxic after many years.
I had hoped that that individual would eventually mellow out.
After some nasty reminders, my hope for change and reconciliation...died.
I no longer care. I will live my life as if that person never existed.
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