Wife's father has died. Now there is family pressure to pay for fancy funeral and support her mother (unfriended, spouse)
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We weren't asked to pay anything but my MIL tuned the heat up on my husband for him to buy a place near her winter home in Florida so she wouldn't be lonely. Told him I'd go along with it or stay in Washington state near our kids. No big deal.
Anyone here have strains on their marriage due to the death of their spouses parents and the drama connected to the arrangements?
About a week ago I started a discussion on City Data about my wife's father being on his death bed and how she did not want to spend the time and money to say goodbye to her Dad after a lifetime of coldness from both her parents. Well after a week of suffering, the lord has send my wife's father home. He has died and now we are in funeral planning mode.
The rest of the family (my wife's three sisters) now are saying how wonderful their father was and how he deserves a great send off. The best casket, a two day visitation at the funeral home, a fancy funeral and a huge reception for family and friends. Estimated cost about $20,000.
Trouble is, the rest of the family does not have any money and are living pay check to paycheck. My wife is the only person who has any money and were were told that we will pay for the whole event. We owe it to him and the family because we could not find the time to visit him on his death bed.
Our money situation is good, but not excellent. We are retired.
Because my wife's mother will not have her now deceased husband's Social Security checks anymore, she will not have enough money to pay her mortgage and cover other expenses, so we were told that we should send her a $1000 a month to cover the shortfall. Her parents stopped paying on the term life insurance and, again, no one else in the family has any money.
Your thoughts and your own experiences regarding how your relationship with your spouse was impacted by the death of his or her parents.
Sorry about the loss...
If they didn't ask your wife for permission to stop paying their life insurance, your wife owes them nothing (except maybe her share of the cheapest burial, so if there are 5 of them and it costs $4k, maybe she should pay $800.00).
It would be like if my family thought I had health insurance, and then I cancelled that even though they would never say it was OK, then let's say I suddenly had a hernia and needed surgery. I would never dream of dropping the insurance and then demanding my family pay $50k because "they have money".
Totally ridiculous. If I cancel my insurance, I am on my own!
Otherwise why should anybody with well-to-do family pay for insurance? They may as well go to Vegas and blow the money instead - the family will pick up the tab if anything happens. Sorry - this is not reasonable!
I have a question, if they had a reverse mortgage on the home, why does she say she can't afford the mortgage payments? That makes no sense to me. In any case, I think your $3000 offer was a good one, & sufficient to bury him well.
Your offer of $3000 was very fair. Time is marching on, and they will have to make a decision pretty darn quick. If Ive heard this story once Ive heard it a thousand times. I know the pressure is on you, but you can't make the entire family's poor decisions thru these years your problem. Poor planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on yours.
Good point about the reverse mortgage. Why is there mortgage payments?
Very fancy casket, limos and a huge dinner for one hundred of his closest friends and family at a local restaurant.
Get out, dinner at a fancy restaurant?? The funerals I went to were basically pot luck at the home of the deceased. We always brought food, and there ended up being enough food that the spouse who was left had plenty to eat for weeks.
Very fancy casket, limos and a huge dinner for one hundred of his closest friends and family at a local restaurant.
It's hard to believe that adults would think this way. Limos? It's not prom night! This is really strange. When an aunt of mine died, because she was active in the community and her church, a lot of people wanted to attend the memorial event. Her daughter arranged for everything to take place at a church. There are ways to accommodate a large number of people without spending money. We've been through a series of deaths in the family, as the oldest generation passed, and there were never any funerals. Only memorial lunches. That eliminates the need for a fancy display casket. And cremations bring the cost down even more.
It's very weird that these people are fantasizing about a "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" event, especially since they can't afford it.
It's hard to believe that adults would think this way. Limos? It's not prom night! This is really strange. When an aunt of mine died, because she was active in the community and her church, a lot of people wanted to attend the memorial event. Her daughter arranged for everything to take place at a church. There are ways to accommodate a large number of people without spending money. We've been through a series of deaths in the family, as the oldest generation passed, and there were never any funerals. Only memorial lunches. That eliminates the need for a fancy display casket. And cremations bring the cost down even more.
It's very weird that these people are fantasizing about a "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" event, especially since they can't afford it.
My wifes mom recently passed away.. my wife had her cremated and will take the ashes up North in a few months (when its warmer) to spread them out somewhere... not sure where..
There was no funeral or any type of service. We got lots of cards/calls and flowers from folks that knew us but didn't know her.. There was NO NEED for a service.. all of her moms family and friends had gone before her... it was kind of sad but also relieving. Not having the burden of a funeral expense was a great relief as well.. I am sure her mom would scoffed at the idea anyway.. she was a penny pincher for sure.
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