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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,711 posts, read 41,902,617 times
Reputation: 41453
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin
Great advice.
Only thing I would add is maybe sit down on the computer with the parents and show them how people now look for jobs and apply online, not "pounding the pavement".
Really bad advice.
When you're living in someone else's home you don't patronize them with a statement like that.
The parents are retired, ever think maybe they want to sell the house and downsize? But can't now because they have an adutl child who is unemployed back at home in their old room.
If an old friend showed up and asked to stay with you while they look for work and they say it will be for a month, after 3 months you ask them how is the job search going and they have been with you for 2 months over what they said and you got "relax, everything is coming along fine".....how would you react?
OP, follow Shira's advice. But I would also show your parents how you are applying for jobs online, and that doesn't require going door to door at 8am.
Also as others suggested go to the library for a couple of hours and do your job searchf from there.
If they wanted to downsize, they can just kick child out or let child use their couch in a smaller place. They are not innocent victims here since they decided to extend their home to the OP. Even then using "my house my rules" is not valid for being extremely controlling. The fact that OP lives under their roof is not a bill of sale to run her life or job search. It is one thing if OP is playing video games all day but OP sounds like they are making an honest effort to get back to work. I think The parents need to back off.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,711 posts, read 41,902,617 times
Reputation: 41453
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech
I'd be hounding him too, because I want him off my dang couch and out of that bedroom I was going to turn into my crafts room.
This is our time now, we're retired, and it wasn't our bright idea to up and quit a career he already had without planning for it by saving up enough money to live on.
It's not like he's some college-aged guy that just can't find a job. He's been out of the house for some time already and now is back. It would be so frustrating to me!
But if would have been your idea to allow him to move back in when you could have just denied him room and board. So essentially you created the frustration and ain't a victim.
Nonsense. Someone sitting in a bedroom room with the door closed on the computer has zero impact on anyone else in the house. They are just control freaks and trying to control the OP. It is so obvious, with checking up on the OP to see what is being done on the computer.
Congratulations, this has to be about the worst piece of advice I've seen all week. A complete blue-collar mentality where the OP should go work at Walmart instead of spend the time getting a professional job.
Well to be fair, the door isn't solid in that it lets some light through but I do spend most of my time during the day on my PC job hunting and it's away from my parents so it shouldn't bother them.
I agree with you that time spent in a dead end McJob just to show I'm employed is not the most productive usage of my time.
What you have to do, is find another place to live. Move in with a friend, rent a room someplace, whatever, just get out of there. Because anyone who has to put up with what you described is never going to be in a good state of mind to advance their career.
The other thing, even if you aren't living there, don't share what should be private information with them such as the jobs you are applying for, their salaries or what your current salary is. You are an adult, and it is none of their business to know this information. Just answer when asked, "That's private information. I don't feel comfortable sharing it". And leave it at that. If asked "What's the salary?". "I'm happy with it and that's personal information". It will help set the tone in your relationship that they don't get to meddle in your personal affairs and feel they have a right to criticize what you are doing or not doing.
Because you if you continue to answer their questions to justify your actions to get their approval, you are never going to win at this. And frankly, it doesn't matter what they think. It is what you think that matters.
Right now I'm going to try to tough it out with my parents as long as my cash flow remains negative but yes, I am considering moving out because their nagging and negativity are bringing me down when I need to be surrounded my positive energy to focus on my priorities.
Thanks for your tips on how to handle prodding questions about salary. The first time I told him a low offer of $14/hr he ranted and raved about wasting my time...I eventually agreed and have since been pursuing full time opportunities that pay more than that. Dad got really frustrated when I wouldn't tell him the exact amounts yesterday but after our big argument yesterday, he said he'd stop harping and surprisingly he kept more to himself today.
I've made some slight adjustments in that I got up earlier today, I agree that being fully committed to a full time job search is like a FT job.
They're hounding the OP every day, though. They're over-involved. He's already answered their questions, they already know that progress is being made. They want him to stop the progress, and study for certifications instead. And I doubt they suddenly decided to sell the house just before, or as the OP moved back in temporarily.
The fact that the OP is living at home while conducting his job search doesn't give the parents the right to micro-manage his search and tear it apart. And the problem is, when he gives brief answers ("I sent out another batch of applications today" or "I've got a couple of interviews next week"), instead of being supportive, as one would expect parents to be, they pick apart his strategy, criticize what he's doing, and tell him to study instead of apply for jobs. At some point, the OP needs to draw a line.
You're right on the money Ruth4Truth. The past few weeks have been tense. I overhead my mom tell a family friend the other day that I've contacted some companies (true) but don't have anything concrete yet. The reality? One company was interested enough to invite me fly me to a face to face interview at their remote location though I declined due to the low salary. I have a handful of other companies who've called me for phone and second round interviews even though I'm an out of town candidate, so my resume and cover letter must be impressing some hiring managers. Overall I see progress and am expecting one or more of the current leads to result in a written offer in the weeks ahead. In the meantime I keep applying and fielding calls and emails in response to those applications.
To touch on the certification exams that some of you have asked about, yes, some jobs require you have passed these exams (like the ones for IT professionals) while others don't. Still others indicate they're an asset. So yes, taking the time to study for them and passing them could help my resume and lead to a written offer from one or two companies I'm currently looking at. But it's not mandatory for all and I am convinced that I can still find a decent job without having completed these certs. But the way my dad acted, even when I talked about receiving positive feedback to job applications, invitations to interview both on the phone and face to face.... NONE of that mattered to him. He thought it was all a waste of time and that I should do those exams! At one point I was telling my mom how I got two positive replies on one day for potential jobs and my dad rudely interrupted me and snapped, "before you tell (mom) about that email, finish this first! (then gave me some task to look up some transit schedule for an interview I was considering attending).
I both agree with your parents and disagree. I think they are coming at you in a way too controlling way. I get that it's their home but who cares if you stay up past 10 if you aren't having some raging party?? I stayed up way later than that as a teenager, but I also see their point about the certificates.
I made a career change and went to back to school to get a degree in accounting. I did this while working a full time job AND part time job AND also applying for jobs. I was very lucky and landed an accounting job less than a month after I graduated. I know the struggle of job hunting. And I am now working while still continuing my education even further.
Job hunting now IS very different. I spent a lot of hours online, which probably would look like "wasting time" to people who haven't had to apply for jobs in a while. But there are 24 hours in a day, so I think you're parents are right about you being able to find the time to study. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices to make our lives better in the long run. If these certificates can get you better pay, and out of that house, isn't it worth it to find time? Maybe get yourself in a routine like if you had a job. Get up, get your laptop and go to a library/mcdoanlds/cofee shop and apply for jobs. Take a break and then study for a bit. When you go to leave and they ask what you are doing you can tell them that you are going somewhere quiet to spend a few hours studying and few hours job hunting. To them that might seem like you're giving more of an effort as you wont be at home.
I both agree with your parents and disagree. I think they are coming at you in a way too controlling way. I get that it's their home but who cares if you stay up past 10 if you aren't having some raging party?? I stayed up way later than that as a teenager, but I also see their point about the certificates.
I made a career change and went to back to school to get a degree in accounting. I did this while working a full time job AND part time job AND also applying for jobs. I was very lucky and landed an accounting job less than a month after I graduated. I know the struggle of job hunting. And I am now working while still continuing my education even further.
Job hunting now IS very different. I spent a lot of hours online, which probably would look like "wasting time" to people who haven't had to apply for jobs in a while. But there are 24 hours in a day, so I think you're parents are right about you being able to find the time to study. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices to make our lives better in the long run. If these certificates can get you better pay, and out of that house, isn't it worth it to find time? Maybe get yourself in a routine like if you had a job. Get up, get your laptop and go to a library/mcdoanlds/cofee shop and apply for jobs. Take a break and then study for a bit. When you go to leave and they ask what you are doing you can tell them that you are going somewhere quiet to spend a few hours studying and few hours job hunting. To them that might seem like you're giving more of an effort as you wont be at home.
I agree with the ideas of leaving the house in the morning, let's say 9-10am to go to a library but when my parents aren't nagging/arguing, then it's actually quieter here. But yes, I could try to do job hunting/follow ups/taking notes (I used a spreadsheet to track the progress) for half the work day and study at least 2-3 hrs a day, maybe more if the mood suits.
Except for the morning walk, today I spent most of the time at their house as I was waiting for a company to get back to me for a phone interview that never materialized. I kept myself busy with job hunting and my dad didn't hassle me. Mom did ask just now what happened to such and such a company, didn't they invite you for an interview (didn't work out, maybe I'll update my work & employment thread accordingly). Another company is advancing me through the hiring process (no written offer yet) but they did send me some online personality test to do after the initial phone interview. I explained this to my mom and she was skeptical about the use...oh! (so to her neither company is doing enough to hire me and I guess that's wasted time to her?). I really should try to apply some of the tips given in this thread about what to say...maybe sound optimistic with the process and just say it's going well, thanks for asking! But she asks details so hard to skate around what actually happened with one company or another.
Last edited by sedonaverde; 06-14-2017 at 05:15 PM..
It is very easy to deal with controlling parents. When Dad asks, "how much is the offer," reply "why do you ask?" Then respond to every question with your own question, never answering his question.
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