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I don't dislike SIL so much, what I dislike is that relied on others to drive her around for years and now that she has kids and really needs a driver's license and car (they have one that can be used , she just can't drive it yet), she's been counting on my mom for a long time and wearing out my dad's car in the process with rush hour bumper to bumper traffic. Do you know how hard it is on a car's components to constantly stop and go in traffic?
SIL is an OK person and a good mother to her kids, it's just this request to pick up a kid from daycare has my mom putting unnecessary pressure on me and my dad getting all upset just because mom couldn't keep her mouth shut about the fact I'm not employed full time.
With all that your family does for you, you should be picking up the kid for free. You'll need a lot more schooling in mechanical engineering before you convince us that a relatively new car will somehow be destroyed in heavy traffic; what a lame excuse! Your attitude becomes more clear every time you post.
Did you often lie to people who asked you what your son was doing?
Nope, I didn't lie at all. When asked, I would say, "He is still working at xxx company." I just didn't volunteer the fact that he had been demoted.
If I were in the situation of the OP's mom, and the SIL asked what the OP was doing at home, I would simply say, "You will have to ask him/her." Period.
she's been picking up my niece by bus but with a recently born baby in her arms and crowded public transit
If you were my kid, I would have her bags packed and sitting out on the sidewalk, and she would have to use public transit to find her next place to live.
Adults who are dependent on their parents to provide housing and transportation don’t get to have privacy. Move out, buy a car and you can have all the privacy you want.
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Originally Posted by ccc123
So she relies on people to drive her around and you rely on people to provide you with housing and a vehicle.
I don't dislike SIL so much, what I dislike is that relied on others to drive her around for years and now that she has kids and really needs a driver's license and car (they have one that can be used , she just can't drive it yet), she's been counting on my mom for a long time and wearing out my dad's car in the process with rush hour bumper to bumper traffic. Do you know how hard it is on a car's components to constantly stop and go in traffic?
Sounds like you are far more reliant on others than your SIL. If your parents had to name their top burden in life I'm betting it isn't your SIL.
However long it takes and how much hassle it is to pick up the kid at daycare in a car, it's twice that by public transit with an infant in tow. Good grief. You should be offering to do this for free. You could relieve a huge burden on your SIL for a minor effort on your part. You owe it to your parents to be a contributor in some way and I'm betting something like this would be greatly appreciated by your mother as well as SIL.
As an added bonus, maybe you could offer to help SIL learn how to drive?
I am wondering if the reason that the OP is so upset is that her parents are the type that tell everyone every tiny little detail without having any filters.
When I read the original post I pictured a situation that had happened in extended family. A relative had learned that she was pregnant right before a huge holiday party. She told her parents and siblings, and also shared a few pretty private details with them. She did not ever imagine that her mother would tell everyone those private details. Now, it would have been perfectly fine if her Mom had just told everyone at the party "I am excited to have another grandchild!" but she shared every personal and private detail.
Within five minutes of arriving at the party her Mom had told Hubby and me that her daughter had been on an antibiotic for Strep Throat and did not realize that meant that her birth control pills were not as effective. So, she became pregnant again even though she and her husband had decided that they were going to stop at two children. The woman then started to tell us private financial details about her daughter & SIL's jobs and lives and that it was going to quite difficult for them to afford this "surprise third child". Whoa! Way Too Much Information!
The Mom cornered everyone at the party and told them the same thing. While most of the people were extended family, cousins, aunts, uncles, second cousins, etc. and close family friends some of the people were complete strangers to her (such as friends of one of her other children who had just briefly stopped by to say hello to him). She even told the strangers every single private detail about her daughter's pregnancy and finances. I happened to be standing near them when the mother was talking to them and they were completely embarrassed and confused about why she was telling them those very personal things.
BTW, the pregnant daughter and SIL were pretty upset with Mom/MIL for telling everyone those private details. Frankly, I really wish that I had not been told those details about my extended family member. They were way too personal and private.
So, when the OP was talking about her mother telling her SIL's mother and the neighbors about the situation I was imagining a lot of very personal information being shared not just "Daughter is home because she is between jobs".
Last edited by germaine2626; 11-08-2017 at 08:57 AM..
So, when the OP was talking about her mother telling her SIL's mother and the neighbors about the situation I was imagining a lot of very personal information being shared not just "Daughter is home because she is between jobs".
If it were me, I can picture the conversation between myself and my brother:
"Edna's back home...yes, again...no, no job prospects, and as usual, she won't bother to get a part-time job while she looks...yeah hopefully it won't be three whole months this time...I know, I swear I'm not allowing it again..."
As a parent, we are allowed to whine about the plight our children put us in, or rather, we allow ourselves to be put in. But it only happens a few times before we learn that it isn't really helping them to enable them in this way.
I am wondering if the reason that the OP is so upset is that her parents are the type that tell everyone every tiny little detail without having any filters.
When I read the original post I pictured a situation that had happened in extended family. A relative had learned that she was pregnant right before a huge holiday party. She told her parents and siblings, and also shared a few pretty private details with them. She did not ever imagine that her mother would tell everyone those private details. Now, it would have been perfectly fine if her Mom had just told everyone at the party "I am excited to have another grandchild!" but she shared every personal and private detail.
Within five minutes of arriving at the party her Mom had told Hubby and me that her daughter had been on an antibiotic for Strep Throat and did not realize that meant that her birth control pills were not as effective. So, she became pregnant again even though she and her husband had decided that they were going to stop at two children. The woman then started to tell us private financial details about her daughter & SIL's jobs and lives and that it was going to quite difficult for them to afford this "surprise third child". Whoa! Way Too Much Information!
The Mom cornered everyone at the party and told them the same thing. While most of the people were extended family, cousins, aunts, uncles, second cousins, etc. and close family friends some of the people were complete strangers to her (such as friends of one of her other children who had just briefly stopped by to say hello to him). She even told the strangers every single private detail about her daughter's pregnancy and finances. I happened to be standing near them when the mother was talking to them and they were completely embarrassed and confused about why she was telling them those very personal things.
BTW, the pregnant daughter and SIL were pretty upset with Mom/MIL for telling everyone those private details. Frankly, I really wish that I had not been told those details about my extended family member. They were way too personal and private.
So, when the OP was talking about her mother telling her SIL's mother and the neighbors about the situation I was imagining a lot of very personal information being shared not just "Daughter is home because she is between jobs".
The OP has said nothing to confirm that this is what is happening though. It sounds more like people noticed and commented on the OP's car being in the driveway so the mother did not make up a lie to cover for her. Nothing wrong with that. IF she went further, the OP never said that. Even then I would take what she says with a grain of salt. She sounds like a very spoiled child IMHO. Jay
He is in his mid-20s and living with us again. He got demoted a few years ago. I didn't feel the need to tell anyone about it. You know why? He asked me not to. I've got his back and he knows it. Now he has moved on to a much better job and you better believe I spread that news!
To all of you with a callous attitude toward the OP, I hope you never need your kids to care for you when you are elderly. They just might turn that callousness back on you. I can just hear it, "Guess who wet the bed again last night? "
Do you really compare a young and healthy guy in his 20-s to an elderly?
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