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Exactly what I was thinking and it's like some of the posters are pretty guilt tripping him into attending a wedding he doesn't want to be at. I believe he should drop out and let one of his friends be the best man. The OP is already angry and attending the wedding will bring forth more resentment.
Sometimes, it's ok to be a little selfish and put yourself before others.
Grow up. Your brother has close friends who work side by side with him. Don't you want that for him? Someone can only shove you out of your's life if that's what your brother wants.
Op, I think you just need to back off and decline your brothers offer to be best man. From everything I have read that you have posted you are not in any condition, mentally, emotionally or physically to perform this demanding task. I am sure your brother will understand and has someone else who can step in.
It is terribly unfortunate you had the accident and are in a wheelchair, you need to take care of yourself and seek counseling for what seems to me a major depression of some sort. Get the help you need and work on your many problems, then perhaps you will be in a position, by the time your first niece or nephew is born, to be a Godparent and an awesome uncle. Right now you aren’t not being a good brother.
Please don’t ruin this special occasion for your brother, he will never forgive you.
Sorry for being so blunt, but you are not seeing the light from the multitude of other posters before me, many who have given you excellent advice.
It's more about them showing off and trying to make me feel bad and look bad.
I seriously doubt that's why they doing it. Guys just don't think that way. They love your brother and want to give him gifts. Isn't that a good thing?
[quote=vanb1181;50920286]The reason I think they are showing off is because they know I don't have a lot of money as I'm disabled and recently returned to working.[/QUOT
No one is 'showing off'. They want to give your brother how much they care about him. It's not about YOU. It really isn't.
I am always there for my brother and so don't accuse me of not being there for my brother. I just don't want his work friends to be more important to him than me.
You can't change that. His buddies don't take away from his love of you and your family. Two separate things, two different love buckets.
Plus, even if it were true, can you force your brother to care more for you? How would you go about doing that?
I agree. Pouting and refusing to come to his brother's wedding is not a good thing. His brother will always remember that his own brother wouldn't be his best man. Not a good thing, at all.
I beg to differ. I spent a little over 20 years at my local Air National Guard base. It's been almost 11 years since I retired and I am still in touch with many of those I served with. There are weekly lunch get togethers and a massive dinner get together every month. And there are other ways we stay in touch. The brotherhood is for life. It doesn't end just because you retire.
That may be. But I know some firefighters. After some of them left, they'd sort of stay in touch.
But it's not like family. When you're old and an invalid in bed and need assistance, they won't be there. But your family probably will.
A phone call and a meet-together for lunch is great fun. But that's not family. They're buds. They're a gang. Family substitutes temporarily. Not family.
Do this test: Ask each of them if he'll come over and burst a boil on your butt because you can't go to a dr. (Think of a good reason you can't go to a dr.) Whoever comes to do that....that's family. I guarantee you none of those firefighting or army buds are gonna do that. But a member of your family might, as distasteful as it might be. There's family...and then there's everyone else.
That may be. But I know some firefighters. After some of them left, they'd sort of stay in touch.
But it's not like family. When you're old and an invalid in bed and need assistance, they won't be there. But your family probably will.
A phone call and a meet-together for lunch is great fun. But that's not family. They're buds. They're a gang. Family substitutes temporarily. Not family.
And in some cases family can't be depended upon and friends can. It's not always the case that you can count on family. It really depends on the situation.
In this case, I think the OP should just suck it up and be there for his brother. IMO he's making a mountain out of a very tiny molehill. However, if he can't do that and be positive and put his feelings aside, then he's better off not being in the wedding and ruining the day with a poor attitude.
Let's say I was getting married... I wouldn't want someone there if they didn't want to be there.
Just do what you're comfortable with.
Exactly but you have many in the thread promoting manpuation tactics.
No one is God because they are getting married. Everyone matters.
Heck one poster even told the OP the fire-fighters werent' showing off.
Without being present, there is no way she/he can know this.
Lots of freaks in this thread, for sure!!
Again, everyone matters. If being the best man causes anguish, clearly this brother has others who can fill in as best man
No harm no foul.
Yet the rudeness by freaks here is expected I suppose. "Grow up" needs to be done by those suggesting it FIRST.
Never let others control you. No harm no foul in allowing another firefighter brother to fill in where you are uncomfortable. I would never want my sibling uncomfortable on my account, surely I have a friend who can fill in.
So sad all the freaks who monopolize this thread. Many need the exact mental health they are suggesting to the OP!! lol
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