I told my friend I can’t attend her wedding because it’s in a Catholic Church. (issues, friendship)

[ylisa7]

Originally Posted by RoseFlowers

I have major issues with the Catholic Church and I won’t step foot in one. My friend is mad at me because I told her I cannot come to the ceremony. I told her I would like to attend the reception. Now she doesn’t want to come at all. Which is fine. It’s her day.

Is it necessary to go to the ceremony?

If you were invited to the ceremony I would not only show up for the reception.


I don't care for Catholic churches and have serious issues with the incense that they burn. I would still go to a family funeral or church for close friends and family and hold try not to breath too deeply I think my next time I will rub some Vicks under my nose like they do with dead bodies


If you value the friendship than put your personal feelings aside. This is not about you.

[ClaraC]

Originally Posted by RoseFlowers

My brother was molested by a priest and then the church try to pay off my parents to keep quiet. That’s what this is about. And I’m not going to go.

So don't go.

If someone told me they disdain my religion so much they refuse to set foot inside my church, um, bye.

It's kind of odd that you disdain the building, but not the actual Catholics, because you would very much like to party with them. Just not in that building.

[Diana Holbrook]

Your friend just wanted to invite you to her wedding. You made it into something else and pinned all that on her.

That's not nice.

[coschristi]

Originally Posted by RoseFlowers

My brother was molested by a priest and then the church try to pay off my parents to keep quiet. That’s what this is about. And I’m not going to go.

My uncle was molested by a Catholic priest but for the last two decades of my grandmothers life; he took her to daily mass, every morning.

He was in the front row at her funeral at Sacred Heart.

He donated a part of his inheritance to St. Joseph’s; as did his siblings.

He attended my parents wedding, at St. Joseph’s which was officiated by his brother: Another uncle is a Catholic priest who became the Prior then Abbot of a Benedictine monastery. He’s a small, unassuming quiet man who happens to be be a literal genius... He’s a good man & an amazing priest & he’s never molested or hurt a fly, let alone a person. My uncles love each other & all their siblings.

Did you forget that all of us raised in the church were warned against the “false prophets” who would be like the wolf dressed like a sheep?

That there would come a day when those wolves would be so numerous as to cause many to lose their way?

Do you not remember that we were told to turn our backs on them but to not let it poison us against the faith of our church?

But whatever; I realize that faith & the forgiveness it encourages, call a person to live a life that’s not as fun & free as the alternative. It’s way easier to self-rationalize yourself into being an ever-offended victim & declare yourself free from all burdensome sacrifices.

And nobody is requesting that you renew your sacraments, renounce the world & join a convent ... You were invited to a freaking wedding. Just take off that crown of thorns you are wearing on your head first ... it makes you look weird.

*Disclaimer: I’m a “lost sheep” too ... I’ve been wandering for decades now but I have really been investing a lot of thought into things & I look at my family & I realize that there is something very enduring & real going on. So I apologize if I sound “preachy”. In one way I have no room to criticize but in another way; sometimes “it takes one to know one” ... so I’m perfect for the job.

[Kophi]

Jeez people, lighten up. At this point, there's been more
self-righteousness demonstrated in the responses than
what those responses claimed of the OP. Give it a rest
before irony-meters across the globe implode.

(now watch as the thread doubles in size with more of
the same... that's CD for ya... )

-

[codergirl]

She should have respected your decision not to be in the church and just attend the reception.What sort of a friend would want to force someone to do something they don't feel comfortable with?I'm assuming that you told her the or she already knows your issue?It's NOT like you wouldn't be apart of the wedding...just the reception part.That is at least something and it should have been enough for your friend. Now if you were suppose to be a part of the bridemaids party..then I guess I would see why she would be upset BUT if not..at least you were still going to be there for her the best that you know how.

[blktoptrvl]

Originally Posted by RoseFlowers

I have major issues with the Catholic Church and I won’t step foot in one. My friend is mad at me because I told her I cannot come to the ceremony. I told her I would like to attend the reception. Now she doesn’t want to come at all. Which is fine. It’s her day.

Is it necessary to go to the ceremony?

She should be mad at you, you are prioritizing some philosophical dispute with the church over her as a friend. The church will neither notice or care that you are or are not in one of their buildings on some random day. But your friend will remember forever.

Edit:

Originally Posted by RoseFlowers

My brother was molested by a priest and then the church try to pay off my parents to keep quiet. That’s what this is about. And I’m not going to go.

You should have mentioned this in the OP. Kind of a sucker punch don't you think? Stand outside the church (or in a open doorway) and wait for your friend to exit and wish her the best.

[prospectheightsresident]

Originally Posted by ClaraC

So don't go.

If someone told me they disdain my religion so much they refuse to set foot inside my church, um, bye.

It's kind of odd that you disdain the building, but not the actual Catholics, because you would very much like to party with them. Just not in that building.

Exactly what I was thinking. I am not saying that the OP's disdain for the Catholic Church is foolish (in many ways, I think its very rational . . . heck, I have a problem with the Catholic Church, too). But the way OP went about things is inconsistent and irrational to me. Best thing would have been to politely decline to attend and send a gift. If OP really wanted to attend the reception but not the wedding in order to take part in the special day in some way, I would've told the friend that I was unable to attend the wedding (after I already paid for a gift on the registry) but that I would be available for the reception.

[Humble and Kind]

Originally Posted by RoseFlowers

My brother was molested by a priest and then the church try to pay off my parents to keep quiet. That’s what this is about. And I’m not going to go.

So your saying to condemn the whole due to the misbehavior of one? Then why are you even friends with this person since she is Catholic? Or any other Catholic? Why even be Christian? Why believe in God?

[dazzleman]

Originally Posted by RoseFlowers

I have major issues with the Catholic Church and I won’t step foot in one. My friend is mad at me because I told her I cannot come to the ceremony. I told her I would like to attend the reception. Now she doesn’t want to come at all. Which is fine. It’s her day.

Is it necessary to go to the ceremony?

You didn't need to tell her the reason you didn't want to go to the ceremony. You could have made up a little white lie and it wouldn't have become an issue. Much as we claim to value "truth," there are times when lies are necessary to maintain social discourse and comfort. Everything doesn't have to be about making a statement of your own. It's her wedding day.