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OP, if you can't lay the law down about going on vacation with your parents, what's going to happen when you get married or have kids? What happens if your parents start guilt tripping you about living with them in their old age? I got bored with the vacations my parents took when I was 15 and stayed home for two weeks by myself when they left with my brothers. You're 33 freaking years old and still get manipulated to go where and when they want you to?
Time to start cutting the umbilical cord. THEIR umbilical cord to you.
There will be a lot of times in your life when you have to say no and you'll get a lot of flak for doing so. You may as well learn how to say no now and mean it. The bottom line is this:
You can go on vacation with your parents for the rest of your life and make yourself miserable. Or you can stand up for yourself and say no and make them miserable but remember, they'll get over it. And don't forget, feeling guilty about turning them down is a choice and one that YOU make, not them. So you can just as easily choose to not feel guilty about it if you choose to turn them down.
You can choose to be the martyr for your parents the rest of your life, but I guarantee you, nobody, especially them, will reward you for it.
By the way, I have been the recipient of things I didn't ask for and didn't want. It's hard to hurt feelings, but I am in no way obligated to accept the things other people CHOOSE to get for me that I didn't ask for and neither are you. If they bought the tickets, too bad, so sad. Tell them to get a refund and not to do something stupid like that again.
Okay thanks. Well they said not only will the brother need taking care of, if I don't go, but also that they already booked the hotels and tickets to the places, and asked why didn't I bring this up before.
I told them that I did say so before, but apparently they did it take it seriously and it flew right over their head to which they just seemed surprised by.
It sounds like they want you to go in order to take care of your brother! Have I missed something here? Well, of course they won’t enjoy the trip as much if you are not there because they will have to take care of your brother. It’s all well and good to share the care, but expecting you to build your life around him is asking a lot. Sorry, but that’s unfair. Btw, why did you refer to him as ‘the’ brother?
Basically if I don't go, my brother will not want to go either, and will get the idea to refuse as well. This means he would have to stay home alone and they are worried about the idea of him being alone for a few days. Sorry, I didn't mean to refer to him as the brother, I was typing fast, and it was a typo, I meant my brother.
I guess you forgot what he wrote in the OP: "We visit relatives, who I don't like spending time with. Not to be too judgmental or personal, but they are very redneck-ish, and wine about the government and about life all the time, and it's not my kind of company I want to keep a lot, or at least not once a year even."
No, I didn't forget that; it's just irrelevant as to whether or not it is selfish. Once again, this is about the parents.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chicagoliz
It would be a different story if this were for some special event
It is a special event for his family.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chicagoliz
It's not selfish to want to live your own life and not constantly bend to the wishes of others.
I agree. However, in this specific situation, it is selfish.
Basically every year they want me to go, and if I don't they get really upset and disappointed about it. But we always go to the same place, and I'm so bored of it. We visit relatives, who I don't like spending time with. Not to be too judgmental or personal, but they are very redneck-ish, and wine about the government and about life all the time, and it's not my kind of company I want to keep a lot, or at least not once a year even.
I've been doing it for them to make them happy, over the years. But I'm 33 years old now. Why do I have to take a few days off work every year to go on a vacation with them, when I would rather save my time and money to go a vacation spot I want to myself. I could do both, but I would rather just spend my money and time on a place I want.
But what do you think? If I shouldn't go, how can I convince them without them getting upset over it and feeling so rejected?
By going on a vacation so amazing that you cannot pass up the opportunity. But make sure it's one they can't go on too.
I didn't say it did. This really isn't about the unpleasant family members. This is about his parents.
He has made it clear that it's very important to his parents that he participate in this long-standing family tradition.
The definition of selfish is: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.
By choosing not to go, he would be showing no regard for his parents' wishes.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33
I didn't say it did. This really isn't about the unpleasant family members. This is about his parents.
He has made it clear that it's very important to his parents that he participate in this long-standing family tradition.
The definition of selfish is: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.
By choosing not to go, he would be showing no regard for his parents' wishes.
Like it or not, chicagoliz, that's selfish.
And there are times where it is imperative to be selfish like when parents are trying to guilt you into a vacation with them.
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Well, of course they won’t enjoy the trip as much if you are not there because they will have to take care of your brother. It’s all well and good to share the care, but expecting you to build your life around him is asking a lot. Sorry, but that’s unfair. Btw, why did you refer to him as ‘the’ brother?
