Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
OK, so you arranged to go on a series of hikes with your friend and arrived late because you were tired. Then, after hiking on Sunday you weren't in shape to do any more hiking, so you bowed out on hiking Monday. He cleared a long weekend for you and got one hike out of it. Am I understanding it was a four hour drive to the campsite and four hours back? No wonder he was angry. Your inappropriate comment about his relationship didn't help any.
You seem either selfish or oblivious to how your decisions affect others. All it takes is 30 minutes in a gym 5 times a week to recover strength and stamina. But you show up deconditioned for a series of hikes.
Honestly, I just don't get you.
Did you really read what the OP wrote? Because I don't think you did.
"I'm a middle aged guy who had a good hiking partner (at least 10 years older). Really respected the guy and enjoyed hiking and camping. We had a long weekend recently where we planned on hiking. I came down to his place (he's an hour or so away) Saturday around 11. I suggested leaving later as I needed more time to rest Saturday morning, as I'm working two jobs. To my memory, he agreed without issue. Overdid hiking on Sunday, and mentioned I needed to rest on Monday as I was coming back from an injury and had been months since doing anything strenuous."
"Guess he had time to stew over my comments, as 30 min later he blasted me for "ruining" his weekend of hiking, telling me I should have been at his place early on Saturday and recommending we needed to go home that night so he could hike near his home on Monday. When I pushed back, he threatened me with ending a friendship. Figuring I wasn't hiking anyway on Monday, I agreed to make the 4 hour ride back home. He gave a half cocked apology, stating he knows "he rubs people the wrong way at times."
Now, unless the OP forgot if his friend truly agreed or not, he was kind enough to give him a heads up about asking to leave later on a Saturday due to a recent injury, and because he works two jobs. So now you're a doctor? Maybe his physician said he can slowly reintroduce hiking back into his life again, and to go easy with it. Probably told him as long as he goes light and doesn't pick crazy complex areas to hike that he'd be fine. It's pretty clear that it became a "problem," after his friend was triggered by OP's response to the dating thing. The guy even mentioned to him that he rubs people the wrong way, so perhaps he isn't so innocent either. I don't see how the OP is being selfish. He said he respects this guy and thinks very highly of him. I honestly think his friend was mad because he didn't get that manly response saying, "Hell yeah dude! Bang both of them until you can't anymore!" Instead, he gave a mature response (assuming he strung his words in such a manner), that he should maybe rethink his situation because it's wrong. That's what friends do. They give advice to their friends, even if they don't like the tune. OP is a family man, so to him, it's not cool to tug on someone's heart strings.
Also, unless you're going to workout other body parts, you don't go to the gym to recover an isolated injury. That's what physical therapy is for. THEN you can go back to the gym, after your physical therapist says it's OK to. "Going to the gym a half hour everyday" is such a bland and useless response. If it worked for you, awesome. But not everyone is you. We all have different levels of strength and stamina.
Did you really read what the OP wrote? Because I don't think you did.
"I'm a middle aged guy who had a good hiking partner (at least 10 years older). Really respected the guy and enjoyed hiking and camping. We had a long weekend recently where we planned on hiking. I came down to his place (he's an hour or so away) Saturday around 11. I suggested leaving later as I needed more time to rest Saturday morning, as I'm working two jobs. To my memory, he agreed without issue. Overdid hiking on Sunday, and mentioned I needed to rest on Monday as I was coming back from an injury and had been months since doing anything strenuous."
"Guess he had time to stew over my comments, as 30 min later he blasted me for "ruining" his weekend of hiking, telling me I should have been at his place early on Saturday and recommending we needed to go home that night so he could hike near his home on Monday. When I pushed back, he threatened me with ending a friendship. Figuring I wasn't hiking anyway on Monday, I agreed to make the 4 hour ride back home. He gave a half cocked apology, stating he knows "he rubs people the wrong way at times."
Now, unless the OP forgot if his friend truly agreed or not, he was kind enough to give him a heads up about asking to leave later on a Saturday due to a recent injury, and because he works two jobs. So now you're a doctor? Maybe his physician said he can slowly reintroduce hiking back into his life again, and to go easy with it. Probably told him as long as he goes light and doesn't pick crazy complex areas to hike that he'd be fine. It's pretty clear that it became a "problem," after his friend was triggered by OP's response to the dating thing. The guy even mentioned to him that he rubs people the wrong way, so perhaps he isn't so innocent either. I don't see how the OP is being selfish. He said he respects this guy and thinks very highly of him. I honestly think his friend was mad because he didn't get that manly response saying, "Hell yeah dude! Bang both of them until you can't anymore!" Instead, he gave a mature response (assuming he strung his words in such a manner), that he should maybe rethink his situation because it's wrong. That's what friends do. They give advice to their friends, even if they don't like the tune. OP is a family man, so to him, it's not cool to tug on someone's heart strings.
Also, unless you're going to workout other body parts, you don't go to the gym to recover an isolated injury. That's what physical therapy is for. THEN you can go back to the gym, after your physical therapist says it's OK to. "Going to the gym a half hour everyday" is such a bland and useless response. If it worked for you, awesome. But not everyone is you. We all have different levels of strength and stamina.
Exactly right. The friend overshared thinking the OP would be OK with that and, perhaps get his admiration. Instead the OP questioned him since it's contrary to his values. No need to apologize for that.
Last edited by Maddie104; 10-17-2019 at 12:06 PM..
Originally Posted by Maddie104 View Post
the OP questioned him since it's contrary to his values.
Not speculation . . . an inference from OP's statement:
"Pretty sure it pissed him off when I asked him if he was being respectful towards his current relationship."
FWIW, most posts are opinions; thus contain a fair amount of assumption, speculation and/or inference:
"I'm quite sure you were aware you were pushing his buttons."
The OP writing "As for his love life, if he wants to date in mass, go right ahead" seems to suggest something different than what you and DK736 wrote. That's how I see it anyway.
The OP writing "As for his love life, if he wants to date in mass, go right ahead" seems to suggest something different than what you and DK736 wrote. That's how I see it anyway.
OP's statements:
"Pretty sure it pissed him off when I asked him if he was being respectful towards his current relationship." and
"I find it not coincidental at all that he lit into me after questioning him on keeping his options open with his current relationship" speaks to his values that he saw fit to question his friend.
The OP writing "As for his love life, if he wants to date in mass, go right ahead" suggests that he is not necessarily imposting his values on his friend.
In any event, calling out my post as speculation is not only unnecessary but also inaccurate as the OP's statements provide a reasonable basis for my opinion, i.e., inference.
In any event, calling out my post as speculation is not only unnecessary but also inaccurate as the OP's statements provide a reasonable basis for my opinion, i.e., inference.
Speculation is defined as the forming of a theory or conjecture without firm evidence.
You don't have firm evidence. You have what you consider a reasonable basis.
(And, for what it's worth, I disagree with your "reasonable basis".)
Speculation is defined as the forming of a theory or conjecture without firm evidence.
You don't have firm evidence. You have what you consider a reasonable basis.
(And, for what it's worth, I disagree with your "reasonable basis".)
Of course you are free to disagree and I am with you. This is getting nowhere as no one really know why the OP's friend was upset with him -- there is no firm evidence until the friend states why. It's all conjecture and your own postings are full of presumptions. So why you initiated this posting about speculation is beyond me.
I stand by my inference: "a conclusion reached on the basis of evidence and reasoning",i.e., the OP's statements and reason.
What are you trying to prove with all this calling out of speculation postings?
How do you figure? It's clear that by the OP giving the response he gave, he values who he's in a relationship with, and thinks what his friend is doing is wrong.
The OP writing "As for his love life, if he wants to date in mass, go right ahead" seems to suggest something different than what you and DK736 wrote. That's how I see it anyway.
No, it's him basically saying, "I don't think what you're doing is fair to both women, but if that's what you wanna do/the choice you want to make, go for it." In other words: At the end of the day, what you do is not my business.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
