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When do you let go of a friend? Or, better yet, am I in the wrong here?
The scenario is this, I'm a middle aged guy who had a good hiking partner (at least 10 years older). Really respected the guy and enjoyed hiking and camping. We had a long weekend recently where we planned on hiking. I came down to his place (he's an hour or so away) Saturday around 11. I suggested leaving later as I needed more time to rest Saturday morning, as I'm working two jobs. To my memory, he agreed without issue. Overdid hiking on Sunday, and mentioned I needed to rest on Monday as I was coming back from an injury and had been months since doing anything strenuous. As we were driving back to camp on sunday he mentioned his new girlfriend. When I asked how things were going, he said things were good, but he was also keeping recently divorced woman on the line, so to speak. Pretty sure it pissed him off when I asked him if he was being respectful towards his current relationship. Probably did not use the same words, but the gist of it at least.
Guess he had time to stew over my comments, as 30 min later he blasted me for "ruining" his weekend of hiking, telling me I should have been at his place early on Saturday and recommending we needed to go home that night so he could hike near his home on Monday. When I pushed back, he threatened me with ending a friendship. Figuring I wasn't hiking anyway on Monday, I agreed to make the 4 hour ride back home. He gave a half cocked apology, stating he knows "he rubs people the wrong way at times."
We spoke some on the long ride home, mostly just to keep alert, not out of genuine want for conversation. Looking back, I understand his frustration, but clearly remember him being ok with a late start on Saturday. I find it not coincidental at all that he lit into me after questioning him on keeping his options open with his current relationship.
Any thoughts? Yeah, this probably reads like a middle school catfight, but I'm not quite sure I've ever been threatened with "ending a friendship." In the past, if another guy and me disagreed with me, we just agreed to disagree and moved on. This one? I'm honestly stumped lol
He's putting his frustrations out on you because you're the one there & he probably knows you're right when you talked of his relationships w/ these ladies.
If he's going to threaten to end a friendship, I'd say tell them to go ahead. 90% of people like won't think you'll actually call their bluff. I'm a strong person who doesn't allow threats to scare me. A good friend (no matter how long you've known them) won't make a threat like that no matter how mad they get. Who needs them.
Do that ONLY if you're sure you can handle not being their friend anymore, don't do any of wishy-washy stuff where you're friends 1 month, then next month it's off, then back & forth. Those types of flakey people aren't genuine friends either.
I guess if he's never made a threat like that in all the yrs you've known him (I'm assuming at least 5 years?), give him the benefit of the doubt if you want to. But if he makes a habit of making the ending the friendship threats, I'd be done w/ him after the 2nd time of doing that.
Last edited by Forever Blue; 10-15-2019 at 12:53 PM..
He's putting his frustrations out on you because you're the one there & he probably knows you're right when you talked of his relationships w/ these ladies.
If he's going to threaten to end a friendship, I'd say tell them to go ahead. 90% of people like won't think you'll actually call their bluff. I'm a strong person who doesn't allow threats to scare me. A good friend (no matter how long you've known them) won't make a threat like that no matter how mad they get. Who needs them.
Do that ONLY if you're sure you can handle not being their friend anymore, don't do any of wishy-washy stuff where you're friends 1 month, then next month it's off, then back & forth. Those types of flakey people aren't genuine friends either.
I guess if he's never made a threat like that in all the yrs you've known him (I'm assuming at least 5 years?), give him the benefit of the doubt if you want to. But if he makes a habit of making the ending the friendship threats, I'd be done w/ him after the 2nd time of doing that.
First time I've heard it. Enjoyed the time together and learned quite a bit of our mutual hobby, but if we talk again, fine, if not, oh well. I've got a family and can make other friends on MeetUp apps and other clubs. The key for me is him mentioning "he's rubbed other people the wrong way." Sure it's not his first time ruffling a few feathers. As for his love life, if he wants to date in mass, go right ahead. Just tried to point out that the soon to be ex might appreciate knowing he had moved on and was involved. Won't insert myself into this kind of crap anymore lol
You're not in the wrong.You were correct when you stated that he didn't like your comment about the gf thing.He knows he's being disrespectful to the relationship and he doesn't want to be called out on it.Better to let this 'friendship' go.Why would you want to be friends with someone who is like that anyways?People who know they're doing wrong but don't want to be called out on it are people who will do YOU wrong without a second though down the line.Cut him loose.
When do you let go of a friend? Or, better yet, am I in the wrong here?
The scenario is this, I'm a middle aged guy who had a good hiking partner (at least 10 years older). Really respected the guy and enjoyed hiking and camping. We had a long weekend recently where we planned on hiking. I came down to his place (he's an hour or so away) Saturday around 11. I suggested leaving later as I needed more time to rest Saturday morning, as I'm working two jobs. To my memory, he agreed without issue. Overdid hiking on Sunday, and mentioned I needed to rest on Monday as I was coming back from an injury and had been months since doing anything strenuous. As we were driving back to camp on sunday he mentioned his new girlfriend. When I asked how things were going, he said things were good, but he was also keeping recently divorced woman on the line, so to speak. Pretty sure it pissed him off when I asked him if he was being respectful towards his current relationship. Probably did not use the same words, but the gist of it at least.
Guess he had time to stew over my comments, as 30 min later he blasted me for "ruining" his weekend of hiking, telling me I should have been at his place early on Saturday and recommending we needed to go home that night so he could hike near his home on Monday. When I pushed back, he threatened me with ending a friendship. Figuring I wasn't hiking anyway on Monday, I agreed to make the 4 hour ride back home. He gave a half cocked apology, stating he knows "he rubs people the wrong way at times."
We spoke some on the long ride home, mostly just to keep alert, not out of genuine want for conversation. Looking back, I understand his frustration, but clearly remember him being ok with a late start on Saturday. I find it not coincidental at all that he lit into me after questioning him on keeping his options open with his current relationship.
Any thoughts? Yeah, this probably reads like a middle school catfight, but I'm not quite sure I've ever been threatened with "ending a friendship." In the past, if another guy and me disagreed with me, we just agreed to disagree and moved on. This one? I'm honestly stumped lol
I think you triggered a shame inside of your friend. Not many people can withstand the mirror of shame. Or perhaps you ticked him off for suggesting that he was anything other then faithful to this new lady.
At any rate you seem to really value this friendship (which means this thread should be in "Non romantic relationships" section) and I think that's nice. Apologize as(??); move past it.
I've had similar conversations with friends and family members telling them pointedly why it is no surprise a relationship hasn't worked when someone is hedging there bet or cheating. Sometimes the truth isn't taken well but I've never lost a relationship over it. And i would not apologize if what I said is true.
First time I've heard it. Enjoyed the time together and learned quite a bit of our mutual hobby, but if we talk again, fine, if not, oh well. I've got a family and can make other friends on MeetUp apps and other clubs. The key for me is him mentioning "he's rubbed other people the wrong way." Sure it's not his first time ruffling a few feathers. As for his love life, if he wants to date in mass, go right ahead. Just tried to point out that the soon to be ex might appreciate knowing he had moved on and was involved. Won't insert myself into this kind of crap anymore lol
Yes, especially if you're married w/ a family, friends are on the back burner.
It was a stupid argument that you started. I'm quite sure you were aware you were pushing his buttons.
When he apologized for snapping at you, you should have apologized for being judgmental and instigating. And then the whole thing should have been forgotten about by both parties.
OP, you're not innocent here. You owe the guy an apology.
When do you let go of a friend? Or, better yet, am I in the wrong here?
The scenario is this, I'm a middle aged guy who had a good hiking partner (at least 10 years older). Really respected the guy and enjoyed hiking and camping. We had a long weekend recently where we planned on hiking. I came down to his place (he's an hour or so away) Saturday around 11. I suggested leaving later as I needed more time to rest Saturday morning, as I'm working two jobs. To my memory, he agreed without issue. Overdid hiking on Sunday, and mentioned I needed to rest on Monday as I was coming back from an injury and had been months since doing anything strenuous. As we were driving back to camp on sunday he mentioned his new girlfriend. When I asked how things were going, he said things were good, but he was also keeping recently divorced woman on the line, so to speak. Pretty sure it pissed him off when I asked him if he was being respectful towards his current relationship. Probably did not use the same words, but the gist of it at least.
Guess he had time to stew over my comments, as 30 min later he blasted me for "ruining" his weekend of hiking, telling me I should have been at his place early on Saturday and recommending we needed to go home that night so he could hike near his home on Monday. When I pushed back, he threatened me with ending a friendship. Figuring I wasn't hiking anyway on Monday, I agreed to make the 4 hour ride back home. He gave a half cocked apology, stating he knows "he rubs people the wrong way at times."
We spoke some on the long ride home, mostly just to keep alert, not out of genuine want for conversation. Looking back, I understand his frustration, but clearly remember him being ok with a late start on Saturday. I find it not coincidental at all that he lit into me after questioning him on keeping his options open with his current relationship.
Any thoughts? Yeah, this probably reads like a middle school catfight, but I'm not quite sure I've ever been threatened with "ending a friendship." In the past, if another guy and me disagreed with me, we just agreed to disagree and moved on. This one? I'm honestly stumped lol
Do you do anything besides hike together? The reason I ask is if you don't than this is more of an acquaintance you share a hobby with.
Which is most likely you got the reaction you did from him, you crossed over the line.
He's not your brother or a very close friend.
I would just let it go if you want to continue the hiking with him.
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