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My husband has a difficult family. Between him and his siblings, there are about 15 grandkidskids. My husband NEVER talks to his siblings. I make an occasional social media comment on my SIL and some nieces and nephews, but that is where my relationship ends with all of them (except with one who lived with us for a good amount of time).
I strongly dislike my 2 BILs...like after their behavior, I wont interact with them at all (and havent for 10+ years). They don't like me either. Besides my hubby and kids and MIL and FIL, Maybe 1 member of the 30+ people actually likes me. Because I grew up poor, and I didn't go to fancy schools and I have a very casual way of interacting, I feel like an alien around them. But its not just my feeling, it is what the family was taught.
My MIL and FIL are getting up in age and seem to want to have one last big family reunion. My relationship with them is complex. They really didn't like me and were kind of awful for 10+ years. They have never displayed a photo of our family in their home. My MIL and FIL looked down on me because of my lack of a name-brand education. But over the past 10 years (Ive been "part of the family" for 20 years), I have actually created a bond with them and care about them quite a bit. However, we almost stopped visiting them because my MIL would harp on one of my kid's weight. Luckily, she stopped when I spoke to her about it. But it has only been one visit since then (we see each other about once a year). But they have chilled out with age.
My in-laws have booked a big family reunion at a resort for this coming summer. We initially agreed to go and it felt like a gift I could give my MIL and FIL just by coming. I know their family is so important to them, especially in their golden years and I know their dream is that all of their kids, their spouses and their grandkids come.
BUT..................................I LOVE TO TRAVEL!!! And this year I am not getting many chances to travel. I also love to travel with my kids, but being that they both have special needs, it is actually really hard to have other people around because I need to focus on my kid's needs that means adjusting plans as needed. And I have faced a lot of judgement from my husband's family about how I parent (my kid's special needs are invisible, but significant). I also left a high paying and "braggable" career to care for my kids full time, and that upsets me FIL a lot. Its like you aren't anything unless they can brag about your status.
So, with all this said. I dont want to go. I want to plan a different trip with the money we would spend on this trip. My parenting is constantly judged because...because our life isnt perfect. I was even blamed for my child having a diagnosed learning disorder by a family member. One of those BILs I don't like spent most of our last family reunion telling his kids how I was a terrible mom and ungodly. He wouldnt even let his kids spend time alone with me. They are all grown now, but I feel they still judge me.
I don't want to go. All I can see is a nightmare on a small island in the middle of no where. I want to spend the time and money from that trip on one I actually want to go on. I am fine with my husband going, and he plans to. Even though he HATES spending time with his siblings and is luke warm on time with his own parents.
So...what would you do?
P.S. I really don't want to go...but there is a ton of pressure to "fall in line", which is how my husband's family seems to operate.
If your husband is okay with it, then don't go. If members of his family are being abusive towards you, then you have the right.
He isn't happy about it. He still falls in line like the family wants him to. But he knows he cant force me to go. But he isnt supportive of me not going. He just said "fine, I will go without you". Ugh. I am happy for him to go, but the guilt trip isnt needed.
I certainly wouldn’t subject my kids or myself to that abuse. Ugh!
That is my big issue. I am not really "good enough". And our kids arent "good enough". I have tried to talk to my MIL and FIL about the disabilities my kids have and they always shut me down and change the topic to something light.
He isn't happy about it. He still falls in line like the family wants him to. But he knows he cant force me to go. But he isnt supportive of me not going. He just said "fine, I will go without you". Ugh. I am happy for him to go, but the guilt trip isnt needed.
Am I understanding correctly that your spouse wants the two kids to go as well?
ETA: Oh, I get it now.
Your stance is entirely reasonable. If he wants to be grumpy about going alone, let him. It's just not a good idea to venture into the lion's den with two special-needs kids. I'm surprised he doesn't see that.
You agreed to it and all your reasons not to go were known to you then.
True. But the pay for date isnt for several more months and the general vibe is "if you can't go, cancel in this period of time". I "can" go. I just dont want to.
The more I think about it, the more I realize I shouldnt go. I would let my husband take the kids, but he isnt able to care for them without me, and he would be the first to admit it. Even though I have tried so much to teach him how to take care of them, he refuses to learn.
You agreed to it and all your reasons not to go were known to you then.
Wow. Rigid much?
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