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Also I never reconciled with my brother. We were civil until my mom died and now we have no contact. I find his behavior unforgivable during my dad’s long illness. My mom was just happy to have him back. My parents twisted themselves inside out for his wife. I decided if that ever happened with one of my 3 sons I am not playing that game. You always lose anyways.
OP, I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't understand your nephew and his wife. My family is from another country and we had our wedding where we live. We invited everyone our parents wanted us to invite but did not expect everyone to come. From my side of the family, we had my parents and my brother who live here, one of my grandmothers, one aunt, 2 uncles, and one cousin who traveled from abroad. The rest of my side of the family did not come. I was not upset with them nor was my husband. I also did not have a second wedding there. We took a trip there about a year later and my husband met the rest of the family then. We would not have expected anyone to travel far for our wedding. That is so inconsiderate. My mother did livestream our wedding so her mom and sister could "be there" same as she did when she attended my cousin's wedding and I could not come, she live-streamed my cousin's wedding so I could "be there" too.
Your nephew and his wife are going to cause a rift in the family. I'm sorry for all those involved.
Stick to your guns and do not go to Turkey, you can't afford it and your husband can't deal with the long travel. Don't put yourselves through this.
As to your nephew - shame on him. Do not let it ruin your Christmas gathering. Tell them in advance that if they start badgering people, they will be asked to leave. As to your husband, the good news is that type of cancer is very beatable now. Good luck to him and you. Best wishes to your son.
Just to make things worse, my nephew’s fiancée is EXTREMELY upset that none of the extended family is going. They have chosen an October 2020 date. My nephew is “shocked” no one but his mom and siblings are going. All of us are very middle class, so a trip like this would be a definite luxury.
I’m dreading hosting Christmas. From the sound of it, she is insulted and feels rebuffed that no one can go to Turkey. My sister plans on discussing privately with her son and telling him to back off but I’m so tense, based on how she’s behaved at other family events. Sorry for the rant I needed to vent.
Isn't it advised to be careful of traveling to Turkey?
Exercise increased caution when traveling to Turkey due to terrorism and arbitrary detentions. Some areas have increased risk. Read the entire Travel Advisory.
Do not travel to:
Areas near the Syrian and Iraqi borders due to terrorism. (Level 4)
Reconsider travel to:
Batman, Bingol, Bitlis, Diyarbakir, Gaziantep, Hakkari, Hatay, Kilis, Mardin, Sanliurfa, Siirt, Sirnak, Tunceli, and Van (Level 3)
Terrorist groups continue plotting possible attacks in Turkey. Terrorists may attack with little or no warning, targeting tourist locations, transportation hubs, markets/shopping malls, local government facilities, hotels, clubs, restaurants, places of worship, parks, major sporting and cultural events, educational institutions, airports, and other public areas. Terrorists have also previously targeted Western tourists and expatriates.
Security forces have detained tens of thousands of individuals, including U.S. citizens, for alleged affiliations with terrorist organizations based on scant or secret evidence and grounds that appear to be politically motivated. U.S. citizens have also been subject to travel bans that prevent them from departing Turkey. Participation in demonstrations not explicitly approved by the Government of Turkey, as well as criticism of the government, including on social media, can result in arrest.
If they wanted you to go so badly they should pay for it.
Exactly. And if it's so important to HIM (not his fiancee) to have family there, he should be offering to pay. He knows how much airfare there costs. Listen, I'm gonna tell you something here. If it was anyone other than my own children, I would be very upset about being pressured to fly halfway across the world when my family knows good and well that I can't afford it. And even if I could afford an international trip of that magnitude, it would be to a place of MY choosing and not for someone else's event. Now if I was independently wealthy and was really close to my nephew, sure I'd go. But that is not the situation for most people or the people here. Nephew is in the doghouse for not standing up to his fiancee. He should either tell her to cut it out with his relatives or plan that second wedding in FL they can attend.
Thank you so much! I am literally copy and pasting what you wrote with a little editing to make it more personal. This was actually perfect thank you so much
I would skip an explanation why you can’t make it to their Turkey wedding- (budget) - too much information- none of their business.
Considering they did not attend or acknowledged your wedding wows renewal...
So here is a follow-up to my original comment. I got a text from my nephew just
now that he and his fiancée want to FaceTime with me. I am running around doing a lot of things so I told them I would get back to them. I spoke to my daughter about it and she said that yesterday she got a call from them and that they’re very upset, because none of the aunts are going.
My daughter, my nephews first cousin, told me that his fiancé told her that she has been “in the family for over eight years and “you all should make more of an effort to come“. Obviously I am not going to return the call if this is what it’s going to be about.
I feel like they are really pressuring people to attend a wedding in Turkey that none of us can afford to go to. I think it’s an imposition on their part. I also think it just shows his fiancé is diva like attitude with the expectation that we can just drop everything we’re doing and spend it spend that amount of money going to a wedding in Turkey because they decided to get married there.
My concern is that they all, including her mother will be at Christmas celebrations at my house and I am worried about a blow up from his fiancé. They actually said that they planned on “talking to the family about this” during my Christmas celebration. Completely inappropriate and my sister his mother is going to speak to him about this. But what was going to be a very nice family party is turning to be something that I am completely dreading with this bridezilla. Any thoughts?
After they say their ( perhaps, mostly the bride’s) piece- just ask them- are you going to live in Iran?
Make the point that you understand how a big deal the wedding and “the meeting of the families” it is to her, but if she is going to raise her future children in the US- it is about time she let go of some of her cultural traditions (somewhat)
Though weddings are kind of big in the US as well, but it is more from a commercial point- bigger wedding, more gifts, lately cash mostly.
Lately, a lot of younger people are trying to get away from a commercial side of it and appropriately choose smaller more meaningful and intimate weddings like your son did.
Teach her a lesson and manners on what is important here, in the US -an understanding, an inappropriateness of demands on someone’s time and money, real family closeness, not the one to demonstrate on photos, etc, etc.
It is a high time to put this lady in her place as well as your “following her” nephew.
I am sure you will say it very nice, but be firm in your advice to a future new member of your family..
Explain the word “bridezilla” to her and why it is inappropriate in our US culture.
We are not in Turkey or Iran...the bride should respect our traditions as well.
Personally, I'd be more concerned about what your nephew is getting himself into with this spoiled princess than missing the wedding, but that's me.
Yeah, I was thinking about this as well. She sounds like a toxic narcissist in the making, if not already there. Perhaps that is what OP's nephew wants. If not, I predict he won't have a very happy married life.
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