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This couple is completely entitled and rude. I am so sorry they sent you their inconsiderate response. If I was a bride having a destination wedding I would say, "Thank you for your best wishes on our Turkish wedding. We understand that some of our invited guests may not be able to travel abroad for our nuptials but we are so glad you are in our lives and we look forward to celebrating holidays and family events with you in the future. Much love..." There's not one word of GRATITUDE in their response to you and it tells me exactly about their values. Expecting someone to travel to TURKEY for a wedding is ridiculous and entitled.
I spoke to my son, who has been engaged for over a year and he’s upset about flak he’s getting from his cousin, my nephew, who is miffed my son is getting married around the same time . Apparently nephew feels another family wedding at the same general time detracts from their own.
Good gravy....sounds like the nephew is adopting his fiance’s attitudes, and that ain’t good. Sounds like what he’s saying is “it might cut back on the dollar value of the gifts we are going to get, if there are two weddings around the same time.”
I think it was here on CD a while back, some girl was complaining because her cousin got pregnant about the same time as she did, and didn’t want to share the spotlight. OP, watch out for that happening next with your son!
Being an Instagram follower is a whole lot easier, and less expensive, than actually attending a wedding on another continent. No doubt their multiple thousands of followers will flood them with online well-wishes. But I would predict that a vastly smaller number of them will actually pony up the money to attend the ceremony.
Yupp.. it's like that instagram influencer who had over million followers but couldn't even sell 36 Arianna Renee t-shirts.
Lol I actually think that they have A LOT of friends who’ve indicated they will go. My nephew and his fiancée are world travelers with their own blog and instagram page with over a hundred thousand of followers. He’s a pretty successful photographer. She’s very exotic. Together they make a gorgeous couple.
Too bad they're so rude.
it's beyond fathomable that your nephew would be upset at your son based on what you have told us. Honestly, if it were me, I'd stay as far away as possible from people like this - no matter who they are to you. They have shown their true colors and they aren't pretty.
Last edited by adventuregurl; 11-21-2019 at 07:18 PM..
Thank you so much to everyone for your insightful replies. They were a big help in helping see things realistically.
I spoke to my son, who has been engaged for over a year and he’s upset about flak he’s getting from his cousin, my nephew, who is miffed my son is getting married around the same time . Apparently nephew feels another family wedding at the same general time detracts from their own.
The thing is everyone in the family “knew” my son was getting married next year. He said as much when they got engaged in August, 2018. However he plans a very small, immediate family only wedding. At the time I was upset about it (I actually posted on CD about it) . Now I’m relieved. Only sad about the falling out as son and nephew were brought up almost as brothers.
Nephew just got engaged this September so we’re all surprised they moved the ceremony up to the same time. Don’t know why they chose the same general time frame as son, but am surprised they’re upset son is moving ahead with his own wedding.
Either way I’m very grateful to the forum members who’ve been so generous with their advice!
I went to your thread about your sons wedding. How can your nephew be upset about your son being married at the same time? Your family was upset your son was having immediate family only so everyone knew his plans.
Where is this coming from? Guys are not usually so petty and could care less.
Update: well I sent my reply to my nephew as follows:
Dear John and Jane,
We are so happy and excited about your wedding plans and the wonderful life you two will share.
Jane, you are so welcome in our family! We are look forward to attending your Florida wedding, but will only be able to be at the Turkey wedding in our hearts.
We are just so delighted that you will have a celebration in Florida, too. We can’t wait to celebrate your Florida wedding with you both.
Love,
Aunt Carol and Uncle James
And I got this response:
Thanks for the love Aunt Carol! That’s unfortunate. We’d love to have you there as it’s important for us to have our families meet. Almost 90% of responses have been positive toward our wedding in Turkey. Which is important to us because Janes grandma is old, similar to how our own grandmother was for Susies wedding. So for this reason we chose Fall 2020, and based on the enormous cost of hosting two weddings, it is unlikely that we’ll be doing anything in Florida. Much love, John and Jane.
Ugh
I wonder who wrote the reply, your nephew or his fiance?
You have the same situation but in reverse with the 2 boys getting married. Your son not inviting your side which IMO probably felt like a slap in the face to your sister and family since you are all so close that the 2 boys were raised like brothers. Here, your nephew was going to have 2 weddings but now may only have one, so you're going to miss it which probably hurts everyone's feelings.
When is your son getting married? Surely by now they have a date picked out? Same with your nephew, he should have a date picked out too.
Have you spoken to other family to see realistically who's going to Turkey and who isn't?
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolinaMoon1
An invitation to a wedding is just that, an invitation, not an obligation.
No one should have to feel guilty for not attending, or apologize, or provide detailed explanations beyond what they feel comfortable offering.
If you were an immediate family member, that would be different, but even then, there may be reasons why someone couldn't make the trip (another crucial commitment, serious illness, financial incapacity - which I would hope other family members would help with).
It's hard for me to understand why a young couple would write a response like you received. It definitely sounds to me like they're trying to lay guilt on you for not accommodating them.
This would really take them down a notch in my regard for them.
You have to read her other thread with how close her family is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mercedesmarcelina158
My oldest and only son, age 33 became engaged earlier this year to a lovely young woman who we have met only once. She seems to be a very kind and loving person, has a successful career in the medical field. My son works in the film industry and is doing very well. They both live in California.
When my son became engaged, the whole family was informed, and everyone was very happy for him. Although his father and I are divorced, he grew up with my DH, his stepfather and my sisters have been like 2nd mothers to him. He grew up with his cousins as if they were brothers and sisters. We are a large, Hispanic family and have always been very close on the maternal side, meaning my side. He has been estranged from his fathers side for over 20 years, or rather, they had chosen not to have anything to do with my kids since the divorce.
When he announced his engagement to us, he told me it would be a small wedding with just immediate family. I inuired about his aunts and cousins and he said they were definitely invited. Over New Year’s we spoke and he told me that they were inviting only 20 people. I again inquired about his aunts and cousins (who are definitely over 20 people) and he said he was NOT going to invite them, as he wants to save money.
I was upset for my sisters and my nieces and nephews, as they are all looking forward to celebrating this day with him. They will, in fact, feel rebuffed. Not only that, they were willing to put out quite a bit of money to attend, in that they would have to fly out to California, pay for a hotel and purchase gifts, which would be a bit outlay in exenses for them. I told him I thought that was a mistake, that he could have a simple wedding without spending a lot of money, and still invite his family.
What upset me the most, is that he mentioned that he might invite an uncle on his father side, whom he had previously not seen in over 20 years, but who is very wealthy, and now that my son is very successful in the film industry, apparently has been in touch with him and gave him a large financial gift for his engagement. My sisters are not so well off, strictly middle class, but they have been loving and supportive and have sent small gifts.
Today, I texted my son and suggested he could have his wedding locally instead of California, where he can have the family come, and not have to spend a fortune. Bear in mind he and his bride to be and are paying for the entire wedding, I am only contributing $2500, which is all I can afford.
At this point he is pretty angry with me, telling me that he and his wife want a very small wedding and they do not want to spend a fortune to host it. As well, he reminded me that when I originally married his father, over 40 years ago, my parents had paid for the entire wedding, as well as that of his aunts.
Additionally he reminded me that he doesn’t care about having a big wedding, doesn’t want to spend a lot of money, that he would be fine going to Las Vegas, and basically told me it was none of my business.
So while I agree that this is all true and that he is footing the entire bill, I’m still upset. The wedding he’s planning on having is outdoors in a national park and I really don’t understand why he couldn’t invite family to that. If he is having an inexpensive wedding he could just have simple food it doesn’t have to cost thousands and thousands of dollars. At this point I’m just going to mind my own business. But I am very hurt because the extended family on my side, has always been the only family he’s really ever known. And to think he doesn’t want them there is very hurtful.
I have been telling me to mind my own business, which I plan to do, any other advice?
I went to your thread about your sons wedding. How can your nephew be upset about your son being married at the same time? Your family was upset your son was having immediate family only so everyone knew his plans.
Where is this coming from? Guys are not usually so petty and could care less.
I wonder who wrote the reply, your nephew or his fiance?
You have the same situation but in reverse with the 2 boys getting married. Your son not inviting your side which IMO probably felt like a slap in the face to your sister and family since you are all so close that the 2 boys were raised like brothers. Here, your nephew was going to have 2 weddings but now may only have one, so you're going to miss it which probably hurts everyone's feelings.
When is your son getting married? Surely by now they have a date picked out? Same with your nephew, he should have a date picked out too.
Have you spoken to other family to see realistically who's going to Turkey and who isn't?
You have to read her other thread with how close her family is.
Yes you are completely right it is exactly the reverse. My son only wanted to invite his stepfather, myself, His sister’s family, his dad and stepmother and some friends. It was very shocking to me. I have not given an opinion since the first time over a year ago, and I still don’t know what he plans to do about his own wedding.
My nephew on the other hand, is inviting everybody. As I said earlier I would very much like to go if I had the funds but I cannot afford to go to both my sons wedding and my nephews, in Turkey, which is why I was so happy they were planning on having a small Florida celebration.
Neither of the couples have set a date other than a general “fall 2020”. I don’t know if my son has changed his mind about inviting the rest of the family as I said earlier, I am not getting into it with him again. Either way the rest of the family has made it clear that not all of them can afford to attend a wedding in Turkey. Even if my son invited them to his own wedding, I cannot imagine that they would agree to go given that they are not able to go to my nephews wedding.
Interestingly when I read the posts I was struck by the fact that it is exactly the opposite or rather they reverse. Nephew and his bride want a very large wedding, son and his bride want a small intimate wedding. I am so over this by now you have no idea.
If it was really about making sure the grandma could see the wedding, they would be having it within the next couple of months, not a year from now. I think they are hoping the guilt trip of mentioning a dying grandma will force people to come. I can almost certainly guarantee that your side of the extended family will be ignored and set off to the side at the actual event. The sense of entitlement on these two is just shocking.
If it was really about making sure the grandma could see the wedding, they would be having it within the next couple of months, not a year from now. I think they are hoping the guilt trip of mentioning a dying grandma will force people to come. I can almost certainly guarantee that your side of the extended family will be ignored and set off to the side at the actual event. The sense of entitlement on these two is just shocking.
Yes you are completely right it is exactly the reverse. My son only wanted to invite his stepfather, myself, His sister’s family, his dad and stepmother and some friends. It was very shocking to me. I have not given an opinion since the first time over a year ago, and I still don’t know what he plans to do about his own wedding.
My nephew on the other hand, is inviting everybody. As I said earlier I would very much like to go if I had the funds but I cannot afford to go to both my sons wedding and my nephews, in Turkey, which is why I was so happy they were planning on having a small Florida celebration.
Neither of the couples have set a date other than a general “fall 2020”. I don’t know if my son has changed his mind about inviting the rest of the family as I said earlier, I am not getting into it with him again. Either way the rest of the family has made it clear that not all of them can afford to attend a wedding in Turkey. Even if my son invited them to his own wedding, I cannot imagine that they would agree to go given that they are not able to go to my nephews wedding.
Interestingly when I read the posts I was struck by the fact that it is exactly the opposite or rather they reverse. Nephew and his bride want a very large wedding, son and his bride want a small intimate wedding. I am so over this by now you have no idea.
You'd think one of the kids would have an actual date by now!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lbjen
If it was really about making sure the grandma could see the wedding, they would be having it within the next couple of months, not a year from now. I think they are hoping the guilt trip of mentioning a dying grandma will force people to come. I can almost certainly guarantee that your side of the extended family will be ignored and set off to the side at the actual event. The sense of entitlement on these two is just shocking.
Great point and I highly agree. If it was about grandma they would rush the wedding!
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