Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Update: well I sent my reply to my nephew as follows:
Dear John and Jane,
We are so happy and excited about your wedding plans and the wonderful life you two will share.
Jane, you are so welcome in our family! We are look forward to attending your Florida wedding, but will only be able to be at the Turkey wedding in our hearts.
We are just so delighted that you will have a celebration in Florida, too. We can’t wait to celebrate your Florida wedding with you both.
Love,
Aunt Carol and Uncle James
And I got this response:
Thanks for the love Aunt Carol! That’s unfortunate. We’d love to have you there as it’s important for us to have our families meet. Almost 90% of responses have been positive toward our wedding in Turkey. Which is important to us because Janes grandma is old, similar to how our own grandmother was for Susies wedding. So for this reason we chose Fall 2020, and based on the enormous cost of hosting two weddings, it is unlikely that we’ll be doing anything in Florida. Much love, John and Jane.
Ugh
This sounds like a not so subtle dress down. I bet by the time this rolls around half those people won’t show up. I would focus on my own sons wedding plans and let go of all of this. Send a nice gift and card at the appropriate time.
Haha, I just thought of a gift idea. Send them a gift card to some place they would rather DIE than go to - some place like WalMart or Applebees. Make it a nice, big, meaty one.
Dear John and Elain,
I am so happy and excited about your wedding plans and the wonderful life you two will share. Elain, you are so welcome in our family! I look forward to attending your Florida wedding, but will only be able to be at the Turkey wedding in my heart. When we retired a few years ago, we splurged quite a bit on traveling with the knowledge that we would not have the budget to do much traveling in the future. But, we decided to we should go we were still in good health. Now we must stay faithful to our decisions made for retirement planning and apply our remaining small travel budget to very affordable, small trips. We are just so delighted that you will have a celebration in Florida, too. We love you so much and are so happy for your both.
Love,
Auntie Em and Uncle Bill
WorldKlas, you should write a new etiquette book, with stock replies like this to awkward social situations. This was SO well said!
I just read his reply. Oh, well, he's clueless and inconsiderate. I thought the whole idea of having two parties was so that they could celebrate (and collect gifts) from the relatives in both locations, not so that the US relatives could all travel to Turkey AND attend a stateside party, too.
Of course you shouldn't make any veiled snide remarks. Just let it go. Send them a SMALL gift (because you can't afford more, and you have your own children to worry about.) Just talk to your sibling, whose child this is, and let her know, "Sis, I'm sorry to disappoint John and you, but we just cannot afford a trip to Turkey now, nor do we even feel up to making the trip. We'll send love and be there in spirit."
You, of course, realize that most Iranians don't speak English, especially the older ones, unless they were from highly educated upper class families (most of whom have left Iran, anyway). And I'm sure you don't speak Persian! So any meeting would consist of a brief look at each other, along with translated, "And this is my mother's sister, and her husband".
All this being said, I hear that Istanbul is really a sight to be seen. It's on my bucket list, although the current government there makes me far less eager to travel to Turkey. There are cheap flights there, but it's a long trip. You might be able to arrange your own travel there, inexpensively, and stay in a relatively inexpensive place. Possible to do a 7-10 day trip there for two for under 3K total, even under 2K total. But when you say that what you can afford to give your son and his bride as a wedding gift is 3K, I'd agree with you - no reason to spend the money on traveling to Turkey now.
Do not waste a second on feeling guilty about this. It is selfish and inconsiderate of your nephew to expect that family would travel to Turkey for a wedding. Be generous and kind, and just let this one slide by.
So here is a follow-up to my original comment. I got a text from my nephew just
now that he and his fiancée want to FaceTime with me. I am running around doing a lot of things so I told them I would get back to them. I spoke to my daughter about it and she said that yesterday she got a call from them and that they’re very upset, because none of the aunts are going.
My daughter, my nephews first cousin, told me that his fiancé told her that she has been “in the family for over eight years and “you all should make more of an effort to come“. Obviously I am not going to return the call if this is what it’s going to be about.
I feel like they are really pressuring people to attend a wedding in Turkey that none of us can afford to go to. I think it’s an imposition on their part. I also think it just shows his fiancé is diva like attitude with the expectation that we can just drop everything we’re doing and spend it spend that amount of money going to a wedding in Turkey because they decided to get married there.
My concern is that they all, including her mother will be at Christmas celebrations at my house and I am worried about a blow up from his fiancé. They actually said that they planned on “talking to the family about this” during my Christmas celebration. Completely inappropriate and my sister his mother is going to speak to him about this. But what was going to be a very nice family party is turning to be something that I am completely dreading with this bridezilla. Any thoughts?
Last edited by mercedesmarcelina158; 12-14-2019 at 07:07 PM..
Just to make things worse, my nephew’s fiancée is EXTREMELY upset that none of the extended family is going. They have chosen an October 2020 date. My nephew is “shocked” no one but his mom and siblings are going. All of us are very middle class, so a trip like this would be a definite luxury.
I’m dreading hosting Christmas. From the sound of it, she is insulted and feels rebuffed that no one can go to Turkey. My sister plans on discussing privately with her son and telling him to back off but I’m so tense, based on how she’s behaved at other family events. Sorry for the rant I needed to vent.
Just to make things worse, my nephew’s fiancée is EXTREMELY upset that none of the extended family is going. They have chosen an October 2020 date. My nephew is “shocked” no one but his mom and siblings are going. All of us are very middle class, so a trip like this would be a definite luxury.
I’m dreading hosting Christmas. From the sound of it, she is insulted and feels rebuffed that no one can go to Turkey. My sister plans on discussing privately with her son and telling him to back off but I’m so tense, based on how she’s behaved at other family events. Sorry for the rant I needed to vent.
I actually understand her more than your nephew. I'm sure her extended family is MUCH CLOSER than most Western families. And they might be wealthy, you didn't say.
But for middle class people to be shocked that extended family is not going overseas to a wedding? I am lost.
I think you are going to have to say you can't afford it. And talk about it in advance with a directive that it will not be brought up at Christmas of all times.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
