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I dont know how well you know the boyfriend...it sounds like not very well...but you may not know how he is going to react one day with his girlfriend contacting you all the time. People nowadays.... who knows? This could end up in a bad situation, you just dont know. Stop answering her calls, stop answering her texts...just stop. Just because she calls and texts doesnt compell you to answer. There is absolutely nothing in this world that she has to talk to you about that she can't get from her boyfriend or someone else.
He knows she contacts me for neighbor help all the time. I have tools and a small truck and can fix things so I'm the go-to guy around here. They will pay me sometimes. He has asked for my help sometimes. I've asked for his help a few times. The group of 6 neighbors around me all help each other at times. But only occasionally but she comes to me first for anything now.
I first didn't think it that unusual because he can't fix things and doesn't care about hoa stuff. He's more like a renter bf. She is the homeowner like I am, we have that in common. There is always something going on with hoa, neighbor, etc. After helping with something, it's normal to have small talk, and she slowly starting bringing up personal stuff. I always deflect personal talk but didn't stop her. Finally I've turned into a friend that listened. I don't initiate contact with her or ever ask about her personal life.
I'm just now since starting this thread begun a slow no reply fade with texts and calls. My plan is to do this slowly and not all of a sudden, which might cause a huge rift or reaction from her. I'm going to stop replying 50/50 then 30/70...
She called me Friday night and last night. So I let her last call go to vm. Then she texted me. It's about one of the outdoor cats that needs help.
I can understand brushing her off when she contacts you with trivial questions, but this isn't cool.
I agree. I'll be happy to help with a neighborhood cat. Friday when she calls I let it go to vm (first time ever). I don't know what she's calling about. Then she texts me the outdoor cat is sick, wants to know what vet I took my cat to get it euthanized, and the cost. Sounds like the cat is very sick.
The way she wrote the text though was not asking me to go with her to the vet to euthanize the cat. It was written as if maybe that's what will need to be done. I didn't see the cat but I doubted the cat needed to be euthanized. She makes things sound worse then they are. To get me involved. This is a cat she chooses to feed and stay in her garage. I just adopted another stray cat and keep it in my house, and take care of it.
So I decided to not reply to this emergency sounding her text or call for 1 day. I doubt it's an emergency. She then calls on Sunday. My plan is to not reply to texts (unless a real emergency) and answer phone calls 50/50. So I answered her call.
She goes into how the cat had a bad spot on its side. She found a vet to take it to and the vet was really nice and gave it shots it needed and the spot was nothing to worry about. The vet said the cat has years more to live. Just what I thought. When she talks it's non stop and for me to ask a question I have to interrupt. It's unbelievable. So the cat did not need to be euthanized and it's fine. She had to end the phone call (otherwise she would start talking personal stuff)
She takes care of that outdoor cat and I just took in another.
She always contacts me with a real neighborhood issue, or personal problem. But like another poster said she can find help with her problems, doesn't need me. She just did that with the cat. Found a vet on her own. Didn't need my help.
Every week for 4 years contacting me with help for this/that. It's always to ask me for help. That's why her bf doesn't care that she contacts me. After I help there is time for small talk and that's when she will bring up personal stuff. Slowly, she turned me into a BFF. I can't help with any personal stuff but just listen and that's what she wants apparently. And she wants to keep me up to date with all her personal stuff. Whether good or bad. As if I'm a BFF and need to know. Plus when she talks it's a one-sided conversation where she talks non stop.
I don't want to cut her off sudden and completely. When I ended the walks after two months she half jokingly said "you're breaking up with me?". So my plan just starting with this thread is to reduce my responding. No replies to texts unless need-to-know-now. And phone calls I will now answer half, the other half to vm. If this doesn't slow her down, I will have to answer less.
it is highly likely that she just simply enjoys your friendship and someone to talk to. does she have many brothers?? I grew up with no mom, raised by a father who never remarried and always had his male friends around. I felt most comfortable around men and had plenty of male friends. At some point in my early 20s, I realized that most of these friends wanted to sleep with me. They took my friendship the wrong way. I since worked hard to make female friends. Anyway, it is possible she likes you but just as possible you are taking it the wrong way.
I agree. I'll be happy to help with a neighborhood cat. Friday when she calls I let it go to vm (first time ever). I don't know what she's calling about. Then she texts me the outdoor cat is sick, wants to know what vet I took my cat to get it euthanized, and the cost. Sounds like the cat is very sick.
The way she wrote the text though was not asking me to go with her to the vet to euthanize the cat. It was written as if maybe that's what will need to be done. I didn't see the cat but I doubted the cat needed to be euthanized. She makes things sound worse then they are. To get me involved. This is a cat she chooses to feed and stay in her garage. I just adopted another stray cat and keep it in my house, and take care of it.
So I decided to not reply to this emergency sounding her text or call for 1 day. I doubt it's an emergency. She then calls on Sunday. My plan is to not reply to texts (unless a real emergency) and answer phone calls 50/50. So I answered her call.
She goes into how the cat had a bad spot on its side. She found a vet to take it to and the vet was really nice and gave it shots it needed and the spot was nothing to worry about. The vet said the cat has years more to live. Just what I thought. When she talks it's non stop and for me to ask a question I have to interrupt. It's unbelievable. So the cat did not need to be euthanized and it's fine. She had to end the phone call (otherwise she would start talking personal stuff)
She takes care of that outdoor cat and I just took in another.
She always contacts me with a real neighborhood issue, or personal problem. But like another poster said she can find help with her problems, doesn't need me. She just did that with the cat. Found a vet on her own. Didn't need my help.
Every week for 4 years contacting me with help for this/that. It's always to ask me for help. That's why her bf doesn't care that she contacts me. After I help there is time for small talk and that's when she will bring up personal stuff. Slowly, she turned me into a BFF. I can't help with any personal stuff but just listen and that's what she wants apparently. And she wants to keep me up to date with all her personal stuff. Whether good or bad. As if I'm a BFF and need to know. Plus when she talks it's a one-sided conversation where she talks non stop.
I don't want to cut her off sudden and completely. When I ended the walks after two months she half jokingly said "you're breaking up with me?". So my plan just starting with this thread is to reduce my responding. No replies to texts unless need-to-know-now. And phone calls I will now answer half, the other half to vm. If this doesn't slow her down, I will have to answer less.
If you want to “fade”- stop answering her phone calls completely. There is nothing on this earth she can not do if you are not there... between her BF and 911...
News break: she is not a frail 80 y o lady living alone.
Stop the pretenses that she “needs” you as you say.
She may even start nudging her BF to call you and ask for some help around the house if she realizes that you are “fading” so she can chat you up.
Say NO to any requests for help even from her BF- tell him, that you would be glad to help, but have no time as you are busy working on your GF’s mother’s house- he will pass it to her.
Answer a text 1 a week only, or not at all, but let ALL calls go to VM.
Then answer 1 text- pick one- every 2 weeks- start a calendar...
She sounds like she can set her house on fire in order to get the attention from you...
She may already be counting her money - if she kick the BF out and moves in with you ... for all you know..
Trust me - if you persist- she will find another “victim”- hope, you won’t be jealous...
I agree. I'll be happy to help with a neighborhood cat. Friday when she calls I let it go to vm (first time ever). I don't know what she's calling about. Then she texts me the outdoor cat is sick, wants to know what vet I took my cat to get it euthanized, and the cost. Sounds like the cat is very sick.
The way she wrote the text though was not asking me to go with her to the vet to euthanize the cat. It was written as if maybe that's what will need to be done. I didn't see the cat but I doubted the cat needed to be euthanized. She makes things sound worse then they are. To get me involved. This is a cat she chooses to feed and stay in her garage. I just adopted another stray cat and keep it in my house, and take care of it.
So I decided to not reply to this emergency sounding her text or call for 1 day. I doubt it's an emergency. She then calls on Sunday. My plan is to not reply to texts (unless a real emergency) and answer phone calls 50/50. So I answered her call.
She goes into how the cat had a bad spot on its side. She found a vet to take it to and the vet was really nice and gave it shots it needed and the spot was nothing to worry about. The vet said the cat has years more to live. Just what I thought. When she talks it's non stop and for me to ask a question I have to interrupt. It's unbelievable. So the cat did not need to be euthanized and it's fine. She had to end the phone call (otherwise she would start talking personal stuff)
She takes care of that outdoor cat and I just took in another.
She always contacts me with a real neighborhood issue, or personal problem. But like another poster said she can find help with her problems, doesn't need me. She just did that with the cat. Found a vet on her own. Didn't need my help.
Every week for 4 years contacting me with help for this/that. It's always to ask me for help. That's why her bf doesn't care that she contacts me. After I help there is time for small talk and that's when she will bring up personal stuff. Slowly, she turned me into a BFF. I can't help with any personal stuff but just listen and that's what she wants apparently. And she wants to keep me up to date with all her personal stuff. Whether good or bad. As if I'm a BFF and need to know. Plus when she talks it's a one-sided conversation where she talks non stop.
I don't want to cut her off sudden and completely. When I ended the walks after two months she half jokingly said "you're breaking up with me?". So my plan just starting with this thread is to reduce my responding. No replies to texts unless need-to-know-now. And phone calls I will now answer half, the other half to vm. If this doesn't slow her down, I will have to answer less.
And why is that? You need the attention? She asks if you're breaking up with her and that (along with dozens of other hints) don't tell you that you need to run in the opposite direction?
If nothing else, do you care about your reputation? Because neighbors are seeing what's going on and if they break up then the rumor will be that you two were having an affair.
You came here asking how to fix this and we've all told you how. You don't want to cut her off. Well, there's no slowing her down, so you don't really want this fixed. Just admit it and stop posting here already.
And why is that? You need the attention? She asks if you're breaking up with her and that (along with dozens of other hints) don't tell you that you need to run in the opposite direction?
If nothing else, do you care about your reputation? Because neighbors are seeing what's going on and if they break up then the rumor will be that you two were having an affair.
You came here asking how to fix this and we've all told you how. You don't want to cut her off. Well, there's no slowing her down, so you don't really want this fixed. Just admit it and stop posting here already.
Sheesh, it's not rocket science.
Either this or eventually boyfriend will get tired of her running to you and possibly kick your *****.
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