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Anyway, you're the one that has her texts in your phone from 2015!!!!! You looked up her last texts, you even know- "only two, three month breaks".
Ignore her, don't ignore her, walk, don't walk, it doesn't matter...this hyper-analysis of her is pointless.
I now feel I have to be very careful how I communicate with her. I feel she is on edge and would leave her bf right now if I suggested that. She recently said to me she's leaving him and selling the house in a blurt. then it was suddenly dropped. She is contacting me almost daily when she didn't use to. As if she is on edge about her bf. Maybe she is. Maybe she isn't. I don't want to discuss it with her.
When I talk to her I'm afraid I'll hear another bf complaint. I've been their friendly neighbor for 4+ years and I need to start ignoring her. I like being a friendly neighbor to neighbors. I don't want to be hearing about relationship problems. Only just now have I started ignoring her texts. the past five I didn't respond. So then she calls. Next I will have to stop answering her calls if she keeps calling me. This needs to slow down so I'm asking for advice.
I'm single and live a few houses down from my female neighbor. She is not married but has lived with her male partner at least 10 years or more. They act like a married couple from all appearances. All the neighbors know each other for a long time now. I don't socialize with them we are just friendly neighbors. Neighbors 'talk' about other neighbors but gossipy (personal things).
About 3 years ago I noticed she was taking daily walks and I asked to join her to walk. She was enthusiastic. He was fine with it. He doesn't like to walk. So me and her started walking daily. She tells me all about her work ,life, etc. Really more details I care to know. But I'm a good listener. Anyway I stopped walking with her because I wanted to ride my bike instead of walk. And she did something that I thought was very suggestive. Unbelievable really. She wanted me to help fix a zipper in a pair of her jeans! Of course I didn't offer to do that. I acted nonchalant about it. This is now a forgotten thing. No other suggestive acts since.
She recently asked me to help with her car when it had a mechanical issue. Her partner doesn't mind, he's not as mechanical as I am. She asked me for a ride to the auto shop because her partner is at work. I'm ok with helping her. I help other neighbors all the time too with this/that.
But now she has recently started texting me more frequently. About work issues and neighbor issues. This morning a text at 8am to wish late happy birthday. And has been calling me too which she never did before. She recently called me on her lunch time. Again about an issue in the hoa, neighbor, or her work. She often says "don't tell anyone I told you".
But she's never contacted me this much before. When we have talked on the phone she brings up some really personal issues/struggles and I reply to them with I think helpful suggestions/assurance. As a friend would. That's all I can do. But why not talk to her partner? We'll I'm sure she does.
What I want to know is what do you all think this? And about my approach I'm taking, which is not asking her to stop. It doesn't bother me. I think it will slow down.
You might be the only person who (she "thinks") ever actually "listened" to her and seemed interested in what she had to say. The more things she told you about what's going on in her life, the more comfortable she became talking to you all about it, so it's almost like she became addicted to you.
My guess is her and her "partner" probably don't talk all that much and I doubt he is genuinely interested in anything she has to say unless it concerns him in some kind of way.
I now feel I have to be very careful how I communicate with her. I feel she is on edge and would leave her bf right now if I suggested that. She recently said to me she's leaving him and selling the house in a blurt. then it was suddenly dropped. She is contacting me almost daily when she didn't use to. As if she is on edge about her bf. Maybe she is. Maybe she isn't. I don't want to discuss it with her.
When I talk to her I'm afraid I'll hear another bf complaint. I've been their friendly neighbor for 4+ years and I need to start ignoring her. I like being a friendly neighbor to neighbors. I don't want to be hearing about relationship problems. Only just now have I started ignoring her texts. the past five I didn't respond. So then she calls. Next I will have to stop answering her calls if she keeps calling me. This needs to slow down so I'm asking for advice.
No, you've been more than the "friendly neighbor". You are next in line to take the BF's place it seems.
Why would she think you know that? She's holding the most powerful research tool in the world in her hand. She should just look it up herself. She can do that just as easily as you. She's finding excuses to contact you.
I now feel I have to be very careful how I communicate with her. I feel she is on edge and would leave her bf right now if I suggested that. She recently said to me she's leaving him and selling the house in a blurt. then it was suddenly dropped. She is contacting me almost daily when she didn't use to. As if she is on edge about her bf. Maybe she is. Maybe she isn't. I don't want to discuss it with her.
When I talk to her I'm afraid I'll hear another bf complaint. I've been their friendly neighbor for 4+ years and I need to start ignoring her. I like being a friendly neighbor to neighbors. I don't want to be hearing about relationship problems. Only just now have I started ignoring her texts. the past five I didn't respond. So then she calls. Next I will have to stop answering her calls if she keeps calling me. This needs to slow down so I'm asking for advice.
Or you could just set a boundary that you do not feel comfortable being put between her and her husband.
Yes she's playing that part. And I fell for it. Asking for help for this/that. I see it so she can start longer conversations and get into personal stuff. I did that when we started taking walks in 2015. We had long conversations during the walks and really I think she liked opening up to someone else. But she did most of the talking about herself, I would listen and comment. I can see why her bf would get tired of talking to her. I couldn't take it anymore.
It slowed way down when I ended the walks after about two months. She went silent for about 6 months. Then texts started back up with this/that. This is my fault. I looked back and she's texted me several times each month since Jun 2015 with only two 3 month breaks. And I responded. Not right away, but I did respond. Mostly about neighborhood stuff and help with this/that. I guess it wasn't enough to bother me until now but it's way more just recently. Now it's too much. It's like she's been making sure I don't forget about her or something. We'll see if my cutting way back will work.
Lesson learned. If you don't reply she'll eventually stop.
Too bad she lives nearby. That's a whole other issue.
I don't think the slow fade or ghosting here is the way to go personally.
If she's a real friend, you should be able to talk with her directly, in-person, 1-1, and ask her if the zipper thing was meant to be suggestive or not. Did she ask you because she knows you know how to fix zippers and she really can't do it herself? Did she offer to reimburse you for your services if you did so?
It's not necessarily inappropriate at all. Maybe it's bad of me to assume that this female friend of yours really did have good intentions?
She's your friend and you're the one who had in-person experiences with her, OP. You can know that best.
She just texted me from work re hoa. This is her 6th text in a row I will ignore.
Don't ignore the texts and phone calls. Deal with them. Talk to her. You let this get this far.
Be the "friendly neighbor" and tell her your boundaries.
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