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I now feel I have to be very careful how I communicate with her. I feel she is on edge and would leave her bf right now if I suggested that. She recently said to me she's leaving him and selling the house in a blurt. then it was suddenly dropped. She is contacting me almost daily when she didn't use to. As if she is on edge about her bf. Maybe she is. Maybe she isn't. I don't want to discuss it with her.
When I talk to her I'm afraid I'll hear another bf complaint. I've been their friendly neighbor for 4+ years and I need to start ignoring her. I like being a friendly neighbor to neighbors. I don't want to be hearing about relationship problems. Only just now have I started ignoring her texts. the past five I didn't respond. So then she calls. Next I will have to stop answering her calls if she keeps calling me. This needs to slow down so I'm asking for advice.
Earlier, I was going to say she is using you for attention and validation. Now that she mentions this, I see it. She is pursuing you. You need to come down hard, OP. Sit her down and tell her "you and me are never going to happen". Do not leave any room for misinterpretation.
How old are both of you?
Your neighbor is playing a game with you “damsel in distress”
You are playing “ a good and helpful neighbor” game.
Both of you are insincere: she is looking possibly for a “ greener pastures” than her BF or prepares herself for possibly his “exit”.
You are not interested, but flattered, could be more
Your options:
As adult:
she calls- let it go to v- mail. It is not rude to not reply to her in your circumstances she is borderline stalking you.
If she texts- reply once in a while but not right away with very short- no or sorry, busy, can’t talk now, etc
No need to go into some conversation explaining why you are not engaging yourself with her anymore: it just create an illusion that you 2 “have had a relationship of some sort”
Don’t feed the beast.
Dual it down and end.
As you both engage in some sort of game- here is an adolescent way:
block her phone.
When you run into each other- say that your phone is malfunctioning and unreliable and you are glad as it is too distracting for you as everyone is calling and wants some sort of help- wink, wink
She should get the drift, unless she is a stalker.
Stop playing a game of “ a good neighbor”- you most likely leading her on...
Try to become a bad neighbor who is a jerk too.
A new year- a new game for you
You say you like talking with women but not married women. I suspect she will dump the common law husband and then glom onto you. Move away.
I take your blunt analysis seriously. This is why I stop being the friendly single guy who has had long deep convos in the past with her. Which gave her attention she liked. I have stopped that. However I'm still friendly and offer neighbor advice and so that's what she is contacting me for. Little help with this/that. Like the city ph#. Once I'm talking to her she will bring up family, personal issues. Wants me to be a close friend. Which I became. But it was slow over time as she brought up personal issues now and then. That's what she wants.
I take your blunt analysis seriously. This is why I stop being the friendly single guy who has had long deep convos in the past with her. Which gave her attention she liked. I have stopped that. However I'm still friendly and offer neighbor advice and so that's what she is contacting me for. Little help with this/that. Like the city ph#. Once I'm talking to her she will bring up family, personal issues. Wants me to be a close friend. Which I became. But it was slow over time as she brought up personal issues now and then. That's what she wants.
You think you are controlling this, but you are not.
ANY attention is encouraging her. You know this level of communication isn't appropriate. It's why you started the thread. Now you've seen that she doesn't take hints.
You think you are controlling this, but you are not.
ANY attention is encouraging her. You know this level of communication isn't appropriate. It's why you started the thread. Now you've seen that she doesn't take hints.
I agree. My plan is to fade from being a close friend, back to occasional neighbor type friend. I don't want to go no contact yet. Only if I have to. The hoa is making big changes and does need to be talked about it. That's ok. Valid issue. It's when she changes topic to personal stuff. I'm now very aware when she does that and I'm now quickly deflecting and no engaging in personal talk.
For example she was frequently complaining of a coworker intimidating her with this/that telling me she thinks that coworker wants to get her fired. I listened. Last time I deflected and said "you have a legal right not to be harassed at work, have you contacted an attorney? Just talk to one and find out what you can do." Since then she hasn't talked about it again.
She brings up any kind of personal issue. Like dropping a cap into the sink drain. Asked me to help get it out. That cap was for an item of intimate purpose.
She brings up any kind of personal issue. Like dropping a cap into the sink drain. Asked me to help get it out. That cap was for an item of intimate purpose.
I know you can't be this naive. ^^
Are you just dropping these little tidbits into the thread on purpose? 11 pages of this is ridiculous. You KNOW what to do, james, but you won't. Your other posts show you're all about the pursuit, whether it's appropriate or not.
Are you just dropping these little tidbits into the thread on purpose? 11 pages of this is ridiculous. You KNOW what to do, james, but you won't. Your other posts show you're all about the pursuit, whether it's appropriate or not.
i dropped out when he mentioned she said she was thinking of leaving the husband at page-10 (shouldnt that be an opening post type of detail ?).
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