Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm still wondering about the fix her zipper thing. Was she wearing the pants??
Anytime a man comments to a woman complaining about her husband/BF, it is inappropriate. That should be ignored. Even my female friend who negatively comments on her husband, I leave it alone. Even when I see how horrid he is.
My concern is you already do not respond to her texts yet she continues to text. That's way too much. She's trouble. Not adultery material anyhow. Think Fatal Attraction. It only gets worse the more she is attached to you. Time to stop answering the phone so much when the caller ID indicates it's her. Slow it down. Don't give out personal info of who you have a crush on or not, that is leading her on telling her she's moved up to close friend status w/you. Keep it at a simple neighborly friendship. Good luck
Thanks, good advice. I will not share personal things about me to her. That would make me a close friend. I have not done that at all. I feel I should answer calls from a neighbor and she always has a good reason to call re hoa or critical neighbor issue (really is critical). I will start letting some of them go to voice mail. But that means I have to call her back and I don't want to do that. That's why I answer. I think I'm getting a grip on how to handle this better.
I've been responding to texts when it's about the hoa meeting etc. She also texts me about a neighbor issue, car needs fixing, birthday greetings, Christmas greetings, what kind of gas to get for her lawnmower, getting over a cold, etc. I have now stopped responding to anything not needing a response.
She will call and ask for a neighbor favor/help. About two months ago I gave her a ride to repair shop. To thank me she called from the grocery store and asked what she could buy me.
A few years ago I helped several neighbors prepare for a heavy storm, including them. She wanted to pay me but I said how about we all go out to a casual place and pay my dinner? They did. When we got to the restaurant we sat at a both and they sat together on one side, and me on the other. In about 5 minutes she asked to sit next to me. He didn't object, nor I (I should have). So she sat next to me. We had dinner as if it was no big deal.
Keep in mind we have been good neighbors for many years now. We don't socialize as friends but only as neighbors but they feel something like old friends now. That was the only time me and them went out to go do something. I will not offer to go out with them again.
About the zipper. This happened when we were taking walks. She asked me if I had sewing supplies and could help with an item of clothing. I said I had supplies and maybe I could help. She went and got a pair of jeans and said the zipper doesn't work right and laid the jeans on the table. She was coming on to me. I did not want to touch her jeans. I acted non-chalant and said sorry I can't fix zippers. That was the end of that. I stopped walking with her soon after. She still takes walks and told me yesterday she was going to talk 4 times this week. I said that's great.
She called me twice on Saturday. And unfortunately my phone rang her number in my pocket yesterday. My phone will do that.
I want to be a good neighbor and that's it. And not completely ignore her. I feel ok to talk or help if she asks about a neighborhood issue, or to ask me for help with something in a neighborly way. Or even talk a little about difficult personal issues. I feel ok doing that. That's being a supportive friend. I'm ok with that. But I don't want her to share or talk relationship issues with me. That's the borderline I now have to enforce. In the past I would listen/respond. I did that because being single you feel freer to do so. But I should not have been doing that with someone in a relationship. When she brings up relationship matters I will now cut that short.
I feel I should answer calls from a neighbor and she always has a good reason to call re hoa or critical neighbor issue (really is critical).
Seriously, though. How many "critical" neighbor issues could you have??? I think you need to reconsider your definition of critical.
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112
I've been responding to texts when it's about the hoa meeting etc.
Is she in charge of HOA correspondence to the whole neighborhood? Do you not have any other way to receive info about HOA meetings? This sounds like an excuse.
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112
She also texts me about a neighbor issue...
Like what? Gossip?
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112
car needs fixing...
Boyfriend problem. Not your problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112
... birthday greetings, Christmas greetings...
Once a year for each ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112
... what kind of gas to get for her lawnmower, getting over a cold, etc.
She can use Google or call her boyfriend or mom. Not a "you" problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112
I have now stopped responding to anything not needing a response.
It still doesn't sound like you have a good handle on what NEEDS a response.
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112
She will call and ask for a neighbor favor/help. About two months ago I gave her a ride to repair shop. To thank me she called from the grocery store and asked what she could buy me.
Her BF can't take her? Family member? She has no access to ride share?
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112
A few years ago I helped several neighbors prepare for a heavy storm, including them. She wanted to pay me but I said how about we all go out to a casual place and pay my dinner? They did. When we got to the restaurant we sat at a both and they sat together on one side, and me on the other. In about 5 minutes she asked to sit next to me. He didn't object, nor I (I should have). So she sat next to me. We had dinner as if it was no big deal.
Weird. Now you know you have to be a better gate-keeper.
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112
I want to be a good neighbor and that's it.
In the same paragraph, you say this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112
That's being a supportive friend. I'm ok with that.
So YOU need to make up your mind. It's obvious now there is no middle ground with her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112
When she brings up relationship matters I will now cut that short.
It's clear that she is making up excuses to keep contacting you, for whatever reason. You're going to need to draw a harder line than you think.
A few years ago I helped several neighbors prepare for a heavy storm, including them. She wanted to pay me but I said how about we all go out to a casual place and pay my dinner? They did. When we got to the restaurant we sat at a both and they sat together on one side, and me on the other. In about 5 minutes she asked to sit next to me. He didn't object, nor I (I should have). So she sat next to me. We had dinner as if it was no big deal.
That's just weird. Who does that? I was joking before when I said maybe they were swingers...
I have awesome neighbors, and we do stuff like prepare for a storm, or help with big problems like a spouse's cancer, or something that happens to their home when the neighbor is out of town. We don't call each other about nonsense like what gas to buy for the lawnmower...that's what the internet is for, or her boyfriend. She's making up excuses to contact you, and you are responding to thing's that don't "need" to be responded to. I think you might be enjoying your "special friend" status. If you really don't want to end up splitting them up, or just fooling around, then STOP making excuses, and stop replying to all this stuff. Don't reply to HOA stuff, it's not necessary, at least not beyond texting TY, for thank you. Don't engage in neighborhood gossip or issues dealing with other neighbors. If she has a problem with them, it's hers, not yours. Stay out of it.
That's just weird. Who does that? I was joking before when I said maybe they were swingers...
My hubby called me at work one day and said a co-worker had invited him to lunch at the restaurant half a block from my work. I asked if he minded if I joined them, he said no problem that was why he'd called. When I arrived I saw that she had seated herself ON THE SAME SIDE of the booth with my husband. I don't think he told her I was showing up, because her face went sort of slack when I walked up, introduced myself, and sat down. I sat down across from them and she jumped up and said "Oh, you should sit over here", I said "No, I'm fine here" and enjoyed watching her squirm for the rest of our lunch. I think she might have had some ideas, but they ended at that lunch.
I love that my hubby knew just how to nip that in the bud.
It would bother me. I don't wish to be "texting buddies" with anyone and I don't carry on conversations through text messaging
I don't either. Texting is fine if you're supposed to meet someone to say "I'm running late be there in a half hour", but not for long conversations.
I love these people who go back and forth texting when saying it on the phone is a lot quicker.
As someone else said slow down your replies, many today think when they send you a text you're supposed to respond back right away, that was the great thing about voice mail, people didn't expect a response in 60 seconds.
When we got to the restaurant we sat at a both and they sat together on one side, and me on the other. In about 5 minutes she asked to sit next to me. He didn't object, nor I (I should have). So she sat next to me. We had dinner as if it was no big deal.
It sounds to me like it wasn't a big deal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112
About the zipper. This happened when we were taking walks. She asked me if I had sewing supplies and could help with an item of clothing. I said I had supplies and maybe I could help. She went and got a pair of jeans and said the zipper doesn't work right and laid the jeans on the table. She was coming on to me. I did not want to touch her jeans. I acted non-chalant and said sorry I can't fix zippers. That was the end of that. I stopped walking with her soon after. She still takes walks and told me yesterday she was going to talk 4 times this week. I said that's great.
I don't see how she was coming on to you. You got weird about touching her jeans that she wasn't wearing.
I don't get the jeans thing either. They were on a table.
Yeah that's far less salacious than I was expecting. Still weird, though.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
