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OP, there's no question that your friend is a freeloader and he should be splitting those costs with you. But consider this:
If you were to go on vacation alone, your cost for the hotel and ubers would be the same as it would be if you brought your friend along (and he freeloaded). In other words, you aren't benefitting by traveling alone (something you don't like to do) other than being able to get an extra hour or two of sleep.
So, if you enjoy his company and you don't have anyone else to travel with...
The next time he pesters you about a new trip, tell him that for the last x amount of trips you've been the planner and payer, so for the next x amount of trips its his turn. Make sure to tell him that you want him to book separate rooms so your extra sleep requirement doesn't get in his way, and that you're looking forward to traveling with him while leaving your credit card home and not having to worry finally about picking up all the incidentals.
when he picks his jaw up off the floor, you'll have your answer on just what sort of "friend" he is.
Friends do not behave in this manner. Next time he wants to go on a trip, tell him you can't afford it. Join a travel club, if you aren't comfortable traveling alone.
This guy is not a good friend. If you want to maintain a cordial acquaintanceship with him, do it on your home ground. Go out for dinner, catch a movie or a show, etc. And go Dutch.
Just don't take any more than a day trip with him.
I am straight, but about fifteen years ago, I learned the hard way that a long-time out-of-town friend was no longer a good traveling companion. Too much baggage, both actual and emotional, and the latter impacted most aspects of the week-long road trip far more than did the piles of impulse buys stacked wherever they'd fit inside my car (my friend also eventually became a hoarder, buying multiples of unnecessary things, not just single impulse buys, trying to fill some emotional vacuum, evidently).
No offer to split the driving, and it was a 1,000 mile-plus trip. Plus loud snoring, night after night. Not my friend's fault, exactly, but I got little to no sleep, and I was the driver. Hours of on-the-road verbal venting about all the injustices experienced from various people in various walks of life (while riding through gorgeous countryside, filled with stops at interesting places and things to see). Always reasons why suggestions about how to cope with all these injustices would not work. Always running late, no matter what the occasion or excuse - an hour or so late, not ten or fifteen minutes. Fruitless efforts on my part to change the subject when my friend got into marathon monologs about all the woes of their life. And so on. It was not a fun trip.
So - though shorter trips had been fun when both of us were much younger, I determined then and there to never, ever repeat that experience. And I haven't.
Instead, there have been a day trip or two, and my friend has been a houseguest from time to time - not recently, as I've never had a reciprocal invitation. I have never even seen their current residence, in a city two hours from my own.
I've tried to meet for lunch when I've passed through their hometown en route to workshops another two hours up the road, but had to cease even that when the chronic lateness meant my friend could would be at least an hour late arriving at the restaurant where I'd made time-specific reservations - and failed to call me to let me know, so I had visions of car accidents, etc., while also worrying that I would be late for that day's workshop two hours away.
My friend is well-intentioned, but has huge blind spots. They are still a friend in many ways, but our lives and interests no longer coincide and connect as they once did, and the irritating personal issues escalated and consistently impacted me in ways that did not endear this friend to me, but made me ill-tempered and short with them, not a good thing.
So I try to put some boundaries in place that won't cause pain, but which will not result in me becoming more frustrated and resentful. I wish it were different, and I miss my friend of several decades ago, when the problematic behaviors was not so apparent. But now, it's more aggravation than pleasure to be with them for very long. So I no longer am. And that saddens me. But otherwise, I am better off. Though I still care about and value my friend and their well-being, I cannot take responsibility for it nor can I endanger my own well-being through excessive contact with them.
So it may be time for you to do some examination of your friendship. Weigh the positives and negatives, then see if setting some new boundaries might help you. You don't even have to discuss these boundaries with your "friend", though you certainly have a right to raise the financial issues with him. In my case, at least my own friend did split the cost of that trip with me - it was the other factors which negatively impacted our relationship. People do change, and grow in different directions as time passes, and like me, that may be what you are experiencing here.
Me and a close friend of mine that I have known for about 7 years now have been traveling quite often for the past 2 and half years noe. We're both males by the way
Anyway, I'm not sure if I'm overreacting with the way I feel and I want some people's opinions on this. We met in 2013 but we took our very first vacation together in 2017 and ever since that first trip, we've been traveling together quite often. Before, I was afraid to go on vacation alone and my other friends were too busy and/or were broke to go with me
To make the long story short, my friend has never wants to pay his share of Ubers when we travel. For example, I pay for one and then he pays for the next one, like taking turns. Every time we took a Uber, I always paid for all of them and not once he offered to pay at least one and also, when I have mentioned that he'll pay for the next one he gets mad. Also, he only sleeps 5-6 hours and when he wakes up, he intentionally wakes up me too and I wanna sleep at least 7 hours, which results in me being really tired throughout our vacation. He also gets cranky easily which has led to arguments and drama in our vacations because he misunderstands things I say or understands them but quickly forgets about anything we talk about. Also, when I'm in the bathroom in the hotel taking a shower, etc. he rushes me and tells me I take too long in the bathroom. Also, he talks my ears off (he talks non-stop throughout the entire trip) which drives me insane. Another thing is he's constantly using these sex apps on his phone (we're both gay) and I don't care who he chats with or meets up with on those apps but he's constantly on it while on vacation and one time he even brought a guy to our room and I had to step out of the room for 45 minutes to give them privacy and lock my luggage with all my stuff in it since there was a total stranger in the room and I wasn't present and my friend didn't even pay anything for the room (I paid for it all myself) which brings me to another point, which is I always make hotel reservations and I pay for them myself, while he does book his own plane ticket, the hotel is all on me because he finds hotels a waste of money he says but whatever his opinion is, he still should be giving me half for the hotel and split the cost.
Whenever we're not traveling and we're in our home city, in other words where we live, he's often texting me about going on vacation and I've told him several times that I have done too much traveling and that I'm going to take a break from vacations because they're expensive and I'm starting to get into debt with my credit cards and he says he understands but yet he's still talking about going on vacation constantly and mentions all these places he wants us to go to. I feel like he doesn't care about my financial situation after I have told him several times that I've decided to take a break from traveling. Which to a certain extent is true but on the same token, I have a couple of upcoming vacations that I'm taking alone ( I haven't told him about them because I don't want him to ask if he can come with me). I already took one vacation once (to Miami) alone and had a fabulous time, much better than I've traveled with him to different places.
Sorry to make this so long, but I'm frustrated with this person and I feel like ending a 7 year friendship over all this BS. I feel like he has become a toxic person in my life and he wasn't like this before. He has changed and gotten very cheap and selfish and not understanding
Let's take this step by step:
Uber fares -- if you were traveling alone, you'd be paying the entire thing. So you're no worse off if your friend doesn't pay. That said, it's inconsiderate of him to not help pay, or pay for something else to make up for it.
Sleep schedules -- people who care about each other will try to work around this. Thus, the early bird will enjoy lying quietly in bed, or sitting out on the balcony reading a book, or taking a quiet morning stroll around the neighborhood, while the other person continues to sleep.
Cranky -- that's a personality issue, not really related specifically to travel.
Bathroom use -- you know the old saying: "How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on." If possible, try to find a hotel that has separate areas for toilet, shower, sink, etc. Some do. Otherwise, the best approach is to let the friend use the bathroom first, then use it after he's done.
Talkative -- again, a personality issue. And what are you talking about? If you're talking about the enjoyable activities you're doing or the interesting sights you're seeing, that's one thing. But if you're complaining or arguing, that's something else.
Sex apps -- it's rude to be trying to talk with other people, or meet other people, when you're vacationing with a friend. And honestly, if he can't keep his pants zipped long enough to enjoy a vacation with you, he's got a real problem.
Hooking up with others in your room -- absolutely, appallingly, disgustingly rude, wrong, inappropriate, and inexcusable. That, alone, would be cause for me to never talk to this person again. The fact that this person thinks this is something that's OK to do should be all you need to know about what kind of person he is -- and it ain't good.
hotel rooms -- again, as with the Uber fares, you're paying the same whether you have the room to yourself or you share it. Of course, it would be considerate of your friend to pay half. Or, since he finds hotels to be a waste of money (unless he wants to use one for his trysts), tell him to sleep out under the stars in the parking lot. If money was tight with your friend, I might be inclined to just pay for the room and not worry about it -- if he was an otherwise decent guy and enjoyable companion. But given the flagrant disrespect he has shown for your privacy and comfort by bringing random sex partners to your room, I would flatly refuse to ever share a room again, even if he pays for the whole thing.
In conclusion: OP, you can do better. Find a nicer, more considerate friend to travel with. Or travel solo. Or don't travel at all. But don't travel with this "friend" of yours ever again.
Probably. Why else would he put up with all the crap his "friend" has been dishing out?
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