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Me and a close friend of mine that I have known for about 7 years now have been traveling quite often for the past 2 and half years noe. We're both males by the way
Anyway, I'm not sure if I'm overreacting with the way I feel and I want some people's opinions on this. We met in 2013 but we took our very first vacation together in 2017 and ever since that first trip, we've been traveling together quite often. Before, I was afraid to go on vacation alone and my other friends were too busy and/or were broke to go with me
To make the long story short, my friend has never wants to pay his share of Ubers when we travel. For example, I pay for one and then he pays for the next one, like taking turns. Every time we took a Uber, I always paid for all of them and not once he offered to pay at least one and also, when I have mentioned that he'll pay for the next one he gets mad. Also, he only sleeps 5-6 hours and when he wakes up, he intentionally wakes up me too and I wanna sleep at least 7 hours, which results in me being really tired throughout our vacation. He also gets cranky easily which has led to arguments and drama in our vacations because he misunderstands things I say or understands them but quickly forgets about anything we talk about. Also, when I'm in the bathroom in the hotel taking a shower, etc. he rushes me and tells me I take too long in the bathroom. Also, he talks my ears off (he talks non-stop throughout the entire trip) which drives me insane. Another thing is he's constantly using these sex apps on his phone (we're both gay) and I don't care who he chats with or meets up with on those apps but he's constantly on it while on vacation and one time he even brought a guy to our room and I had to step out of the room for 45 minutes to give them privacy and lock my luggage with all my stuff in it since there was a total stranger in the room and I wasn't present and my friend didn't even pay anything for the room (I paid for it all myself) which brings me to another point, which is I always make hotel reservations and I pay for them myself, while he does book his own plane ticket, the hotel is all on me because he finds hotels a waste of money he says but whatever his opinion is, he still should be giving me half for the hotel and split the cost.
Whenever we're not traveling and we're in our home city, in other words where we live, he's often texting me about going on vacation and I've told him several times that I have done too much traveling and that I'm going to take a break from vacations because they're expensive and I'm starting to get into debt with my credit cards and he says he understands but yet he's still talking about going on vacation constantly and mentions all these places he wants us to go to. I feel like he doesn't care about my financial situation after I have told him several times that I've decided to take a break from traveling. Which to a certain extent is true but on the same token, I have a couple of upcoming vacations that I'm taking alone ( I haven't told him about them because I don't want him to ask if he can come with me). I already took one vacation once (to Miami) alone and had a fabulous time, much better than I've traveled with him to different places.
Sorry to make this so long, but I'm frustrated with this person and I feel like ending a 7 year friendship over all this BS. I feel like he has become a toxic person in my life and he wasn't like this before. He has changed and gotten very cheap and selfish and not understanding
Your friend finds hotels a waste of money? Where would he like to stay when out of town? I don't think strangers will be opening their homes for free!
What I find so interesting is that you started with the Ubers first, then mentioned the hotel rooms. Aren't hotel rooms more expensive than most Uber rides? I'd be even madder at that!
I don't know if you should your friendship with him---you didn't mention how you get along when you are both in your home city, but I certainly would never ever travel with him again. Does his talking nonstop and crankiness bother you when you aren't traveling?
You tell him you're taking a break from vacations because your credit card debt is getting out of hand. Do you think he's actually picking up on the fact that he's the reason? Of course not.
Stop skirting the issue. Tell your pseudo-friend that you can no longer afford to carry his share of the load. Tell him that you are more than annoyed that he doesn't split the cost of housing and transport. Tell him that you are no longer interested in traveling with him since he views you as an ATM.
It will end the "friendship" but it's no big loss. It leaves you with the opportunity to enjoy your vacation instead of spending the time being resentful at footing all the costs.
Going on vacation with someone is a testing a friendship often times. Different habits like sleeping times can easily ruin ones trip.
I have started enjoying traveling alone. I can do whatever I want without having to worry someone nags or I am missing out on things. It takes a few trips to fully start enjoying being alone though.
I highly recommend to you that you either find someone else to travel with, or travel alone.
If you want to continue traveling with this friend, set clear expectations. Make a budget for things to do and see and the transportation. You both contribute x amount of money and that's how everything is paid for. No taking turns. Don't let him get away with not paying.
Also, if you need to sleep more, let him know before hand so he can maybe explore in the mornings without you.
But then don't be mad if you are missing out on sights.
You tell him you're taking a break from vacations because your credit card debt is getting out of hand. Do you think he's actually picking up on the fact that he's the reason? Of course not.
Stop skirting the issue. Tell your pseudo-friend that you can no longer afford to carry his share of the load. Tell him that you are more than annoyed that he doesn't split the cost of housing and transport. Tell him that you are no longer interested in traveling with him since he views you as an ATM.
It will end the "friendship" but it's no big loss. It leaves you with the opportunity to enjoy your vacation instead of spending the time being resentful at footing all the costs.
Good luck!
I agree. That's the only way to rip the band aid off. Be direct about it.
Me and a close friend of mine that I have known for about 7 years now have been traveling quite often for the past 2 and half years noe. We're both males by the way
Anyway, I'm not sure if I'm overreacting with the way I feel and I want some people's opinions on this. We met in 2013 but we took our very first vacation together in 2017 and ever since that first trip, we've been traveling together quite often. Before, I was afraid to go on vacation alone and my other friends were too busy and/or were broke to go with me
To make the long story short, my friend has never wants to pay his share of Ubers when we travel. For example, I pay for one and then he pays for the next one, like taking turns. Every time we took a Uber, I always paid for all of them and not once he offered to pay at least one and also, when I have mentioned that he'll pay for the next one he gets mad. Also, he only sleeps 5-6 hours and when he wakes up, he intentionally wakes up me too and I wanna sleep at least 7 hours, which results in me being really tired throughout our vacation. He also gets cranky easily which has led to arguments and drama in our vacations because he misunderstands things I say or understands them but quickly forgets about anything we talk about. Also, when I'm in the bathroom in the hotel taking a shower, etc. he rushes me and tells me I take too long in the bathroom. Also, he talks my ears off (he talks non-stop throughout the entire trip) which drives me insane. Another thing is he's constantly using these sex apps on his phone (we're both gay) and I don't care who he chats with or meets up with on those apps but he's constantly on it while on vacation and one time he even brought a guy to our room and I had to step out of the room for 45 minutes to give them privacy and lock my luggage with all my stuff in it since there was a total stranger in the room and I wasn't present and my friend didn't even pay anything for the room (I paid for it all myself) which brings me to another point, which is I always make hotel reservations and I pay for them myself, while he does book his own plane ticket, the hotel is all on me because he finds hotels a waste of money he says but whatever his opinion is, he still should be giving me half for the hotel and split the cost.
Whenever we're not traveling and we're in our home city, in other words where we live, he's often texting me about going on vacation and I've told him several times that I have done too much traveling and that I'm going to take a break from vacations because they're expensive and I'm starting to get into debt with my credit cards and he says he understands but yet he's still talking about going on vacation constantly and mentions all these places he wants us to go to. I feel like he doesn't care about my financial situation after I have told him several times that I've decided to take a break from traveling. Which to a certain extent is true but on the same token, I have a couple of upcoming vacations that I'm taking alone ( I haven't told him about them because I don't want him to ask if he can come with me). I already took one vacation once (to Miami) alone and had a fabulous time, much better than I've traveled with him to different places.
Sorry to make this so long, but I'm frustrated with this person and I feel like ending a 7 year friendship over all this BS. I feel like he has become a toxic person in my life and he wasn't like this before. He has changed and gotten very cheap and selfish and not understanding
Hello,
First, I am so sorry for the turmoil you are experiencing. I'm sure it must be very hard to feel like you want to end a long lasting friendship. I've been there. I believe that one of the main issues here is miscommunication between you and your friend. Have you tried talking with him about any of this? I think that calmly and kindly explaining how you feel and what bothers you could make a huge difference. It's likely that he doesn't realize his actions are negatively impacting you. He probably acts that way absentmindedly without considering how it affects you. I think that if you discussed what you shared with us with him, it could really change things for the better. Just remember to give him a chance to explain and hear his side of the story before ending the friendship. Good luck!
If he's a friend he should understand when you tell him that you can't afford to pay for both of you every time you go on vacation. And therefore there will be no more vacations until he starts paying for half of everything. Either that or just don't ever go on another vacation with him again. Keep making up excuses why you can't go right then. Either way, DON'T go on vacation with this guy anymore! Just stop!
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