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I got to page two. The job market sucking isn't the jist of the article. Plus, this trend was occuring long before the job market sucked.
I'm going to toss out my own opinion as to why this is happening. Our society and children are more driven by material things than independence. Children today have expensive interests compared to our generation as children. We didn't have huge 'entertainment' expenses in addition to living expenses when we went out on our own. We didn't have to pay for cell phones, internet, etc. We simply had rent and utilities to contend with on our own.
Society today won't do without all the luxuries. They don't just want a cell phone, they want a Blackberry with all the bells and whistles. They don't just want internet, they want high speed internet. And they're willing to trade independence to have these luxuries. They don't want to move out until they can have it all. That wasn't the way it was when we were young adults. We moved out and counted pennies. And we were happy to do it too!
I agree. This is why our oldest will never move out without us charging him rent or flat out forcing him. He makes enough to get out on his own and survive. However, he won't have cable TV or wireless internet. He won't have unlimited texting, or any kind of food he wants. As a parent I have to blame myself. He doesn't think he is spoiled. But he will figure it out someday.
I couldn't wait to move out. I was happy with my 12" B&W TV and no cable. Do whatever I want, when I want, I be a total slob. The good ole days!
I would recommend that parents letting their kids stay at home, or come back, abide by rules that will severely limit their desire to stay long. Otherwise they will never leave. We started to charge our oldest rent unless he registered for school. That usually lets them know that life isn't free. There are jobs out there that will let them get by. I have plans for their bedroom!!
Not true. I have digital and use an antena. You don't need cable to use digital. It doesn't cost me a darn thing.
Yep - we don't pay a darn thing for t.v. either. The only thing is you have to have a newer t.v., but you can get a tiny one if t.v. is that big a deal.
We get all the normal channels for $0 - and the HD is way better than it was when we paid for t.v.
I downsized so there isn't room for them to come back.
Getting an education isn't the only thing to be learned about the real world and life in general. Many young people think they are adults because they manage to get a diploma. This doesn't make them mature. Saving, scrimping, while eating a whole lot of Ramen soup and learning that you have to give up this in order to get that.....is what maturity is all about.
Had we learned this lesson better as baby boomers....maybe we too would have made better financial decisions. We wanted everything, we wanted our kids to have everything.....and now we are all a bunch of spoiled folks wondering what went terribly wrong.
I can't imagine what the world would be like if most parents turned their backs on their children once they were adults. IMO, families are meant to be there for each other to help through tramatic life events---be it loss of health or loss of employment----and families that turn their backs on relatives who are struggling aren't real families.
Thank you for being the voice of reason on this thread. I can't imagine turning my back on a family member who had hit hard times while I have plenty.
Reading this reminded me of my parents, who are in their mid-and-late 60s. It took a few years of concentrated arguing on my part, but I have finally convinced them to relocate to my state and move in with me. The ups-and-downs of the last 15 or so years hit their savings/investments hard, and now that they are officially old () they are facing some health concerns that are quickly becoming financially oppressive. (Plus, where they live just isn't friendly to aging bodies.) They've scaled back their luxuries -- no TV, no internet, etc. -- but it's still too much. I urged them to move in with me so that I could cover the household expenses, but I told them I couldn't afford to support two households in two different states.
When my mom told me they'd agreed to do it, she laughed and said she was looking forward to having high-speed internet again. Priorities, priorities. Ha! (I know she's most looking forward to being near family again, especially me and her new grandbaby. But I also know she's looking forward to having such niceties as high-speed internet and digital cable.)
As long as Mom is willing to clean up after my dad so I don't have to do it, I'm happy to have them. But for my sanity, I hope we can find a nice duplex or house with a mother-in-law suite (for me). I'm happy to live under the same roof with them; I just don't want for us all to be living deep in each other's pockets!
Thank you for being the voice of reason on this thread. I can't imagine turning my back on a family member who had hit hard times while I have plenty.
And some parents can't imagine financially supporting grown children. Different strokes and all that. Doesn't make them unreasonable people, it just makes their parenting style different from yours.
There's a huge difference between lending a hand in the event of an emergency, and totally supporting because the grown offspring is too lazy to take care of business.
There are a lot of excuses that are used to keep grown children living at home, but the bottom line, whether mothers want to admit it or not, is they are afraid of letting go and forcing their kids to grow up.
There is something seriously wrong with the relationship when a mother is afraid of losing the affection and love of their children so they keep them home and totally support them.
Adults belong on their own. The only reason they aren't is when they haven't been raised to become responsible adults.
There's a huge difference between lending a hand in the event of an emergency, and totally supporting because the grown offspring is too lazy to take care of business.
There are a lot of excuses that are used to keep grown children living at home, but the bottom line, whether mothers want to admit it or not, is they are afraid of letting go and forcing their kids to grow up.
There is something seriously wrong with the relationship when a mother is afraid of losing the affection and love of their children so they keep them home and totally support them.
Adults belong on their own. The only reason they aren't is when they haven't been raised to become responsible adults.
I agree with the sentiment that you express here. However, I think that many of us who are a bit older (I am 44) have a bit of a selective memory about being helped by our own parents when we were younger.
I do think that there are parents who hold on a little tight because their parents do not want to allow a child to grow up. I think that is wrong. I see a lot of it on these forums, especially with children who are in their early 20s and still being treated like children.
In general adults do belong on their own. However, some young adults are still in the process of obtaining an education or work skills that will allow them to be totally independent. I would not throw my child out at age 18 simply because "you are an adult now." I think it's unreasonable for most kids (mine will still be in HS when they turn 18).
However, I do think that parents need to help their kids progress towards independence from the time they are toddlers until they are ready to leave the nest.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I'm 22 and a junior in college who lives with a parent. Most of my friends who have already graduated, moved out, and have found jobs have had the good fortune of being in Virginia or DC where the job market is halfway decent. Nearly anywhere else in the country besides TX or DC area it's not so easy. I'm in the Louisville area and I can't even get one PART-time temporary job let alone a solid full-time job. I want to move out just can't right now.
If you are young and going to move back in with the parents, plan to get out and plan to contribute while living in the house.
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) they are facing some health concerns that are quickly becoming financially oppressive. (Plus, where they live just isn't friendly to aging bodies.) They've scaled back their luxuries -- no TV, no internet, etc. -- but it's still too much. I urged them to move in with me so that I could cover the household expenses, but I told them I couldn't afford to support two households in two different states. 
