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What to do about it? I'd quit worrying about it and her. You are carrying a child..YOUR child. Undue stress can be harmful for you and the baby...you don't need it, don't accept it. Maybe she IS mental case...or maybe she just doesn't want to get attached to a granddaughter who could be snatched out of her life, completely and forever, if you and "your boyfriend", her son, break up. It could be self-centeredness, or it could be self-survival on her part. As far as not helping you two out when you were in a time of need, perhaps she was so caught up in her own home buying stuff at the time, and saw others stepping in...who knows. She is what she is...there's nothing you SHOULD do about it. Besides, it sounds like you've already made up your mind about her.
Last week she said she was waiting to find out what we needed first; so that she would buy it. She waited 9 months for that? Really? She waited until we got pretty much everything we needed to offer help.
I don't know how to deal with this situation. I am SO bitter.
I am afraid she is going to try and be "Super Grandma" when our daughter is here - don't know why since she hasn't done anything for us at all...and I feel like I am going to blow up.
How should I deal with this situation?
Since it is a high risk pregnancy, perhaps she is waiting to see if all goes well and from her own words....plans to buy something still needed once the baby is born. Maybe it is because you are pregnant, but getting all upset over this seems like a total waste of energy. She may end up being a fabulous gandmother.
She has raised her kids and if she wants to enjoy what is left of her life is totally her choice. You and your husband are the ones responsible for taking financial care of your child.....not the grandmother.
Since it is a high risk pregnancy, perhaps she is waiting to see if all goes well and from her own words....plans to buy something still needed once the baby is born. Maybe it is because you are pregnant, but getting all upset over this seems like a total waste of energy. She may end up being a fabulous grandmother.
She has raised her kids and if she wants to enjoy what is left of her life is totally her choice. You and your husband are the ones responsible for taking financial care of your child.....not the grandmother.
I don't want her paying our way, that is not what I said.
When we first told her we were going to be parents she seemed over the moon, or maybe she was faking it.
And also I didn't say I want her to support her grandchild.
I have a job and while he doesn't have one right now, he is looking for one. I've never called her to ask for money. Neither has he.
Wow! The only people financially responsible for your child is you and your boyfriend. I'm a bit shocked that you feel people should be obligated to help you.
How old are you and your boyfriend? Did she stop financially bailing him out a long time ago because he often needed bailing out?
Sometimes the best help a parent can give is to not help at all.
Your boyfriend, her son, is bringing a child into the world when he can barely keep a roof over his own head. If people stop "helping" maybe he'll start providing for his family.
She said she's waiting to see what you need. You're offended that she has waited 9 months. Guess what? Your needs are going to be greatest after the baby is born.
Maybe she'll come through with diapers. Maybe she won't. Instead of being mad at her, you should expect your boyfriend to support his family.
My boyfriend and I are having a baby in less than 3 weeks.
We were about to be homeless back in February but we were able to redeem ourselves and find a place to live.
My boyfriend lost his job in early April and hasn't been able to find anything ever since. My hours at work change every week because of my high risk pregnancy that has sent me to the Hospital several times...but the money I make is enough to pay for what we need. No luxuries really. We are struggling.
We have gotten a lot of help from his dad (his parents are divorced), my aunt and cousin and even my co-workers who threw me a baby shower and gave us a lot of stuff.
His mother has not given us anything for the baby. Oh, I lied. She gave us a stuffed animal.
I don't like visiting her. All she talks about is buying this and this and this. Doesn't even want to know how we are doing or if we need anything for the baby at all. Whenever he brings something up, she changes the subject to something she wants to do for herself or buy.
I am not handling this very well. She just bought a house and paid the amount up front in cash, she doesn't work, lives off alimony his dad pays her and also disability. She doesn't have a care in the world really. So we know money is not the issue.
Last week she said she was waiting to find out what we needed first; so that she would buy it. She waited 9 months for that? Really? She waited until we got pretty much everything we needed to offer help.
I don't know how to deal with this situation. I am SO bitter.
I am afraid she is going to try and be "Super Grandma" when our daughter is here - don't know why since she hasn't done anything for us at all...and I feel like I am going to blow up.
How should I deal with this situation?
Why are you bitter? Do you think you're entitled to her money because you got pregnant? You are suffering from pregnant princess syndrome. The woman doesn't owe you anything. Accept any gifts, graciously, and forget it. This is YOUR baby not hers. If she feels like buying something, she will. If not, she won't. You are not owed because you got pregnant. In fact, you owe the world. You owe it to the world to support this baby and raise it well. The baby is your responsibility.
To deny a child a relationship with a grandparent because you don't think the grandparent spent enough money on you is childish and selfish. Get over it. She owes you, her son and your baby nothing. Anything she does/gives is a gift. Some people like giving gifts and others don't feel the need. Gifts are optional. If she wants to be super grandma, accept the help graciously. This is a baby not a doll. You'll be glad you have the help.
I will be honest, if my daughter were pregnant and not married, I wouldn't even go to the baby shower. I'd be embarassed that there even was one as would most of my family (I'd be appalled if they were invited). I, personally, don't feel that a baby out of wedlock is anything to shower someone with gifts over. I would want to be part of my grandchild's life though. I don't see any reason to buy gifts for mom and dad though. Especially if they've already been showered with gifts. I'd do something practical like start a college savings account.
Perhaps grandma thinks you've already gotten enough gifts and she's waiting for something the baby needs. Even if she isn't, it's her money and she doesn't owe any of it to you. Quit putting a price tag on relationships.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 05-15-2011 at 06:41 PM..
Wow! The only people financially responsible for your child is you and your boyfriend. I'm a bit shocked that you feel people should be obligated to help you.
How old are you and your boyfriend? Did she stopped financially bailing him out a long time ago because he often needed bailing out? Sometimes the best help a parent can give is to not help at all.
Your boyfriend, her son, is bringing a child into the world when he can barely keep a roof over his own head. If people stop "helping" maybe he'll start providing for his family.
She said she's waiting to see what you need. You're offended that she has waited 9 months. Guess what? Your needs are going to be greatest after the baby is born.
Maybe she'll come through with diapers. Maybe she won't. Instead of being mad at her, you should expect your boyfriend to support his family.
Seriously?
I am not saying the woman has to support us. I HAVE NEVER SAID THAT. I am 26 and he is 29.
My boyfriend lost his job in early April and has been unable to find one since. How is that his fault? He is not a deadbeat father. He's been there for me the whole time, going to every single doctor's appointment that are almost an hour drive from our place, pampering me to no end, and being loving and caring.
My problem here is not the fact that she is not giving us money or showering with presents. It is her attitude. If he ever brings up the baby and the pregnancy she changes the subject and starts talking about herself. Everything is all about her! She doesn't even ask us how we are doing.
What pisses me off is that fact that she does not care. Her son is more upset over it than me, because well it's her son...but he keeps his emotions bottled up inside. I am the opposite, I get frustrated and I don't know how to deal with it.
That's why I have said I don't know what I am going to do if she decides to be present in this child's life once she is born.
Why are you bitter? Do you think you're entitled to her money because you got pregnant? You are suffering from pregnant princess syndrome. The woman doesn't owe you anything. Accept any gifts, graciously, and forget it. This is YOUR baby not hers. If she feels like buying something, she will. If not, she won't. You are not owed because you got pregnant. In fact, you owe the world. You owe it to the world to support this baby and raise it well. The baby is your responsibility.
To deny a child a relationship with a grandparent because you don't think the grandparent spent enough money on you is childish and selfish.
Really now?
I have supported myself since I was 18. I've been on my own ever since. I don't need people supporting me. I have always worked.
Her attitude is what bothers me, not the fact that she is not taking me out on shopping sprees.
If you break up, she is unlikely to have a relationship with her grandchild. That's the way it goes when couples break up when a child is young.
I know many grandparents (child's father's side) who are uneasy about getting attached to grandchildren when the parents won't even commit to marriage.
Then why are you b(#*@ing about her not helping?!?!?!?!
You want her to do something that involves her money.
That's clearly what the thread is about!
No, I want her to give a damn...and so does he. But maybe that's asking for too much.
She is the one who seemed all p'off over my mom saying she wants nothing to do with our daughter...but now she is doing the exact same thing.
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Then why are you b(#*@ing about her not helping?!?!?!?! 
