Boyfriend's Mother Has Not Helped At All (adult, raise, kids)
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Oh for goodness' sakes. Nobody really knows what any particular baby is going to need when it gets here, apart from a few obvious essentials.
We never intended to formula feed, and when we had to, we went through several different brands before we settled on one that didn't upset her stomach. We would have wasted hundreds of dollars had we bought the wrong type in advance. She was bigger than average, so more than a couple of boxes of newborn diapers would have been overkill. Same with too many newborn onsies.
You may have a bouncy and a pack and play and a crib, only to find out the baby will only settle down in a sling and a bassinet.
You need the things KAAC has already listed, that she says she has, and then you figure it out as you go along. Geez, you can even buy the wrong type of bottles before you know which one suits YOUR particular baby.
Buying much of anything in advance, apart from the basics - which despite what everyone tries to sell you is not that much - can be a costly mistake, you grow your equipment with the baby. Besides, nobody tells you either that most of it is totally useless 6 months out. So if you can use a couch instead of a changing table, or a sink instead of a fancy baby bath, I say go for it, especially if money is tight.
I was surprised at how little mine needed. I bought all the stuff the print in the magazines and then had a garage sale a couple of years later.
So what. When her well runs dry she will struggle and just have to deal with it just like you have to do right now.
I can't help but think this is all about money. The story changed when people were siding with the mother who was not helping. Maybe she is willing to tolerate a loser boyfriend for companionship. Life is about choices and you live with the ones you make. That applies to everyone. What do you care where her income comes from or how she spends it? It's not your business.
I totally agree that it was ridiculous to constantly take off work to drive you to the doctor. You don't do anything to jeopardize your source of income when you have a baby on the way.
ITA. His job should have been protected. Now it's her job that has to be protected. I hope she has the sense to take a very short maternity leave and then not take off of work for things like baby doctor visits. Fortunately, with her boyfriend unemployed, she shoudln't have to.
I was surprised at how little mine needed. I bought all the stuff the print in the magazines and then had a garage sale a couple of years later.
Yes,There are a lot of things that people want when they have a baby, but the list of what they actually need is smaller. Of course you want to give your baby everything but the reality is they don't even know the difference
I never even bothered with more than one or 2 sets of newborn clothes. They only fit in them really for a few weeks.
It's out and out bullying is what it IS! The worst part of it is, some of the people who get going and start joining in on the attacks are people who are normally kind, compassionate, down-right decent people. Someone starts a mob frenzy and the next thing you know, even some of the nice people join and and taking shots. It's horrible!
I'm a bit confused. I don't think the OP attracted a mob. There's relevant advice coming from both sides. Sure, she needs to be coddled by some because she's pregnant and scared. But encouraging her to harbor resentment for her MIL isn't going to help her. She'll be far better off if she directs her energy towards positive things that promote healthy growth in her life than getting all worked up over what the MIL is doing, hasn't done, will do, etc. Focusing on herself, her boyfriend and her soon to be child is much more productive. Working towards creating a stable life is best for her baby. The baby doesn't need to come into this life with all this drama. The OP isn't going to have the energy for all this drama. It's important for her to let go of the drama ASAP. I don't think it's a mob mentality when people give her that advice. It's also not mob mentality to focus her mind towards getting her finances in order so she doesn't need help from undependable people.
No s**t. It is a different story when someone tells you "Oh, I am going to do this and this and this for you" and then "Hm, nevermind!" She has done that more times than I can count. How can you expect someone NOT to help you (and I am not talking about money here) when they say they will? I don't care. Get it!? But she will waste no time calling her son and demanding that he go move things for her when she knows d*mn well we can't be driving all over the place and wasting gas.
We do.not.want.her.to.help. We have gotten over it. She has said she would do a million things for us, for other people and she never keeps her word. She has put herself above everyone else, including her own sister who needed her to be there for her in a time of need (and no, not money related either) but she was too caught up in her fantasy world to help her.
I don't want to go into details about something she said she would do, she PROMISED me, in front of her son and her sister and her boyfriend...then asked me to call her the following day, and I did. She avoided my phone calls for a week and then suddenly said "Well I changed my mind, not happening". I was not happy but her son is the one who took it the hardest because it is HER son. She didn't even apologize. NADA...then changed the subject to the new bedroom set she had just bought. Yes, it DOES make us uncomfortable. You might have a different reaction and not feel the same way but nobody reacts the same way.
Yes, she owes us NOTHING but why promise something when you have no intentions of following through with it? What is the point? And we should had known better than to trust her and we know that now.
I hate promises and I never make them. If I know I can do something, there is no point in assuring someone else over and over again it will get done.
And I am not jealous that she has no life, no friends, no education and all the does is brag about material things and what she did at the bar last night.
Um, as has been pointed out, she said those things when you and her son broke up. You're back together. The situation has changed. You now have her son to help you so you don't need her.
It is not unusual for people to offer to help when they see a need and then go back to their regularly scheduled lives when the crisis is over. You are not alone now. You have your baby's father to help you. So why are you worried about what his mom does or doesn't do????
You are really hung up on that she's not helping you. She doesn't owe you help. It was nice of her to offer when you were alone but you're not alone anymore.
And if she's someone who promises help and doesn't deliver...WHY ARE YOU GRIPING that she's not helping you???? This is what she does. Did you think it would be any different with you? Give it up already. She doesn't owe you anything whether she said she'd do it or not. If you know she doesn't keep her word, what are you whining about?
I'm a bit confused. I don't think the OP attracted a mob. There's relevant advice coming from both sides. Sure, she needs to be coddled by some because she's pregnant and scared. But encouraging her to harbor resentment for her MIL isn't going to help her. She'll be far better off if she directs her energy towards positive things that promote healthy growth in her life than getting all worked up over what the MIL is doing, hasn't done, will do, etc. Focusing on herself, her boyfriend and her soon to be child is much more productive. Working towards creating a stable life is best for her baby. The baby doesn't need to come into this life with all this drama. The OP isn't going to have the energy for all this drama. It's important for her to let go of the drama ASAP. I don't think it's a mob mentality when people give her that advice. It's also not mob mentality to focus her mind towards getting her finances in order so she doesn't need help from undependable people.
ITA. She needs to focus on taking care of the baby she's now responsible for and quit worring about what anyone else does/doesn't do.
Yes,There are a lot of things that people want when they have a baby, but the list of what they actually need is smaller. Of course you want to give your baby everything but the reality is they don't even know the difference
I never even bothered with more than one or 2 sets of newborn clothes. They only fit in them really for a few weeks.
and the few things you do need, you can find at the garage sales people like me have
In my defense, I really did try to shop garage sales. Unfortunately, the ones with the good stuff always seemed to start on Thurday and I was working full time and couldn't get to them until Saturday. Time after time someone would look at my belly and say "You should have been here THURSDAY!!". So I hit the department stores.
As a first time mom, I went by the book. 20/20 hind sight...the book is something I could have done without too
....and half of those cute little outfits still had tags on them when it was time for the garage sale.
That helps people have the best dressed children with beautiful outfits with tags on them at garage sales and second hand stores.
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ITA. She needs to focus on taking care of the baby she's now responsible for and quit worring about what anyone else does/doesn't do.
