Boyfriend's Mother Has Not Helped At All (childcare, newborn, average)
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Trust me. That was the reason. When it came time to lay off people, his boss took missing work into consideration when he chose who to lay off.
When bosses say "do what you have to do," they don't mean there won't be consequences.
If he cared so much about your high risk pregnancy, he wouldn't have laid off your boyfriend.
I agree. They may say that to your face about doing what you have to do, but when it comes to who gets laid off they look at attendance and performance.
I went through a layoff and survived that time but another woman was let go. My boss said to everyone after the layoff that he selected her because she had the least amount of sick time accrued.
He said "every time she earned a sick day she used it".
The four other people who did the same job were kept on.
I wonder what will happen when her ex-husband dies and money stops coming in...I wonder how often she is going to brag about her purchases... because she hasn't worked in the past 20 years.
The more I read your posts, the more I think you're just jealous.
Why do you care whether or not she'll be able to brag in the future? Why does this bother you so much? How do you think she's slighting you in any way shape or form? Has she denied you something she owes you to support her own spending habits? Is she asking you to support her spending habits?
If she hasn't worked in 20 years, she's either well off or has a disability. Sounds like she's well off, which is a good thing in this economy. If you have the money and don't want to work, then don't work. Why does it matter to you that she hasn't worked? Is she knocking at your door asking for your help? I think you're making mountains out of mole hills here.
This woman is who she is and, for better or for worse, she's your child's grandmother. You need to figure out what kind of relationship you want your child to have with her and make sure it happens. What she says or does is no concern of yours if it doesn't hurt you or your child.
You are really hung up on that she likes to talk about her purchases. So what??? Who cares??? Why make a big deal of it?? She's not hurting you. She's not hurting your child. She's living her life, her way. You need to live your life, your way!!!
I agree. They may say that to your face about doing what you have to do, but when it comes to who gets laid off they look at attendance and performance.
I went through a layoff and survived that time but another woman was let go. My boss said to everyone after the layoff that he selected her because she had the least amount of sick time accrued.
He said "every time she earned a sick day she used it".
The four other people who did the same job were kept on.
Interesting. I survived several lay offs, then went through a rough patch where I had to take a lot of time off. Three months later, I was let go. I wonder if that had anything to do with it?
I personally don't care at all if someone has a nicer car, house, etc. than me. What I don't like is for someone else to go out of their way to try to make me feel bad about whatever it is I DO have. I'm not talking about someone innocently telling me about their nice vacation, or whatever. I'm talking about someone deliberately, for the express reason of trying to make someone else feel bad, boasting about themselves. If someone is just telling me about what they have, I would tell them it's nice too. But if they are constantly comparing, boasting, and putting others down, I would just stay away from them. To me, it's negative energy. Who wants to be around a person who can only be nice to themselves?
No one can make you feel bad unless you let them. Seriously, what someone else has, whether they're proud of it or not, has nothing to do with what you have and whether or not your're happy with what you have. The problem isn't bragging here. It's jealousy over what the bragger has. I don't see why people can't just be happy that someone else is enjoying their life the way they want to enjoy their life.
I don't care anymore. We got to talking this morning and we are glad she is not helping, she will never be able to throw anything in our faces. We are going to make it on our own. It is going to be difficult at times but we have each other and we respect and love each other and are committed to raising this baby the best way we can.
His dad is very nice, very supportive and a big teddy bear. My dad moved back to this homeland and I haven't seen him in a few years, he didn't raise me and we never really had a relationship...My mother lives 20 miles away but said she wants nothing to do with me and her grandchild (I don't know my mother very well. She left me when I was a toddler). My sister, well, I don't know what happened to her. I haven't seen her since I came "home" on leave. I don't have her number. I wrote many letter to her asking her to call me but they all went unanswered and I never got a call. Both my grandparents (who raised me) passed away 2 years ago, my boyfriend's grandparents are all deceased...His aunt lives in England and she was visiting here this Summer but according to his mom, before she left she said she "hopes I lose the baby". LOL We're starting to believe someone else might have been the person who actually said that...
My aunt and my cousin are the people I am the closest too and both have been very helpful, I call my aunt everyday (she lives abroad) and we have a good relationship. It's too bad she moved away because I'd love to have her around when Katherine is born! She was the first person in my family (besides my mother) to hold me when I was born. My cousin will be here after the baby is born but she's never been around babies like me LOL don't know how that is going to turn out
Haven't you figured out yet that she doesn't owe it to you to help you? You're still stuck on that she's not helping. SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO. and if she chooses not to, why is it something you're discussing?
You, apprentely, think she owes you something. She doesn't.
As to making it in life, yes it is difficult at times. Most of us go through rough times. This is your life so live it and don't worry about people who owe you nothing who choose to give you what they owe you. They take nothing away from you. They aren't hurting you. You're hurting yourself by obsessing with what they have not done for you.
Haven't you figured out yet that she doesn't owe it to you to help you? You're still stuck on that she's not helping. SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO. and if she chooses not to, why is it something you're discussing?
No s**t. It is a different story when someone tells you "Oh, I am going to do this and this and this for you" and then "Hm, nevermind!" She has done that more times than I can count. How can you expect someone NOT to help you (and I am not talking about money here) when they say they will? I don't care. Get it!? But she will waste no time calling her son and demanding that he go move things for her when she knows d*mn well we can't be driving all over the place and wasting gas.
We do.not.want.her.to.help. We have gotten over it. She has said she would do a million things for us, for other people and she never keeps her word. She has put herself above everyone else, including her own sister who needed her to be there for her in a time of need (and no, not money related either) but she was too caught up in her fantasy world to help her.
I don't want to go into details about something she said she would do, she PROMISED me, in front of her son and her sister and her boyfriend...then asked me to call her the following day, and I did. She avoided my phone calls for a week and then suddenly said "Well I changed my mind, not happening". I was not happy but her son is the one who took it the hardest because it is HER son. She didn't even apologize. NADA...then changed the subject to the new bedroom set she had just bought. Yes, it DOES make us uncomfortable. You might have a different reaction and not feel the same way but nobody reacts the same way.
Yes, she owes us NOTHING but why promise something when you have no intentions of following through with it? What is the point? And we should had known better than to trust her and we know that now.
I hate promises and I never make them. If I know I can do something, there is no point in assuring someone else over and over again it will get done.
And I am not jealous that she has no life, no friends, no education and all the does is brag about material things and what she did at the bar last night.
Last edited by KickAssArmyChick; 05-17-2011 at 05:55 AM..
Have not read all the posts but will interject an opinion. OP's boyfriend was in the military for 10 yrs. He must have been an NCO or higher during that time period. He would be best to re enlist and quickly retain his old rank and the pay scale with longevity of time served. All the medical needs would be taken care of to some extent along with a guaranteed income.
We have kind of talked about it...
When he got out he told me he couldn't deal with the Military anymore, his blood pressure was through the roof and seeing a handful of his buddies die before his eyes didn't help either. He still takes that day off to pray for them. I don't know how we'd deal with having to go back in again and being away from his daughter for long periods of time...plus his blood pressure is high these days, I think mostly due to stress and his horrible diet...he eats too much sat. I don't know if he can get a waiver.
It is not something I am opposed to. I have thought about going back in also but my high blood pressure (though pregnancy induced) could disqualify me. We'll see if it goes back to normal after I give birth. I don't know if I could get a waiver if it didn't.
Why do you care whether or not she'll be able to brag in the future? Why does this bother you so much? How do you think she's slighting you in any way shape or form? Has she denied you something she owes you to support her own spending habits? Is she asking you to support her spending habits?
Actually, yes.
Quote:
If she hasn't worked in 20 years, she's either well off or has a disability. Sounds like she's well off, which is a good thing in this economy. If you have the money and don't want to work, then don't work. Why does it matter to you that she hasn't worked? Is she knocking at your door asking for your help? I think you're making mountains out of mole hills here.
She is not well-off and her disability is temporary.
Her money still stop coming in once her ex-husband dies. It is a fact. That is her ONLY source of income besides her temporary disability.
Haven't you figured out yet that she doesn't owe it to you to help you? You're still stuck on that she's not helping. SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO. and if she chooses not to, why is it something you're discussing?
I have accepted the fact that she is too caught up in her purchases, her bar life and her boyfriend to make time to call his son to ask him how he is doing or that when we talk to her, the conversation is all about herself.
I have accepted the fact that I cannot change her.
I have accepted the fact that she might not be there for us when her grand daughter is born...for reasons that I don't care to know.
She is not well-off and her disability is temporary.
Her money still stop coming in once her ex-husband dies. It is a fact. That is her ONLY source of income besides her temporary disability.
So what. When her well runs dry she will struggle and just have to deal with it just like you have to do right now.
I can't help but think this is all about money. The story changed when people were siding with the mother who was not helping. Maybe she is willing to tolerate a loser boyfriend for companionship. Life is about choices and you live with the ones you make. That applies to everyone. What do you care where her income comes from or how she spends it? It's not your business.
I totally agree that it was ridiculous to constantly take off work to drive you to the doctor. You don't do anything to jeopardize your source of income when you have a baby on the way.
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