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Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
8,309 posts, read 38,787,526 times
Reputation: 7185
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Quote:
Originally Posted by findinghope
i have an acquaintance that always seems to have something to say to my child. my son is 5 and quite well behaved most of the time. but she seems to have some sort of disdain for him. perhaps she doesn't agree with our methods. he will be doing something perfectly normal, his father will call to him and she will say "your father is calling you!!!". today he answered back and i did not reprimand him for it because i felt this woman was out of line. my son said something like "no" and she response "oh i dont think so, you dont speak to me that way"...but i was actually glad he stuck up for himself.
his father called to him, and she didnt need to get involved in any way. he was just sitting quietly playing and his dad wanted to show him something. it wasnt urgent.
this woman always seems to try to get involved and i am tired of it! it's like she has decided our son is unruley (could not be farther from the truth) and she needs to get involved in raising him. she is not family and she is barely a freind.
have you had to deal with something like this? how did you handle it?
I've dealt with that sort of thing from a family member. I let it go on longer than I should have out of a desire to be polite, but by not speaking up I was condoning and encouraging it. What worked for me without calling her out in an embarrassing way was to interrupt her when she was trying to correct my child by calling for her attention. When she looked at me I simply kept a firm gaze and said "No." You will almost certainly get a response of "What? Why not?" blubbering - interrupt that immediately. "No, it's our job." Don't project any anger, just project the same thing a brick wall projects.
You may ding the relationship a bit, but the relationship is going to hell if she keeps trying to do your job and you let her.
if my son were about to do something harmful to himself or someone else, then yes by all means shout out to him, but in the cases she has done this, it has always been similar to this one.
i just dont like people trying to do my job. i think his father and i do very well with him.
we are very hard on him when it comes to teaching him manners etc. i dont need anyone's imput. i dont need any help. he is not unruly and i dont seem like i am not handling the situation.
i will however say something the next time this happens. something along the lines of "i have got this thanks"...
From the additional information, that sounds reasonable.
I had a VERY difficult time not discipling my nephews when we were in a restaurant one time. They would talk very loud, get up and walk around, and actually sit on the floor and play with toys. My son saw this and started to get up, but I gave him a look that said, "DON'T YOU DARE" and he sat back down instantly. One of my nephews is on the autism spectrum, but I still find it very embarassing and I don't think I will be going out with them again for a LONG time.
I just have to comment on this one.
My daughter is on the spectrum. She is, as a teen, pretty indistinguishable from any other kinda geeky teenager, but as a four or six year old...not so much.
It was my responsibility, as her parent, to teach her how to behave in public situations. To do that, I had to take her into public. HOWEVER (and you knew there was a however, didn't you?)...it was also my responsibility not to put her in situations where she clearly couldn't behave, and absolutely it was my responsibility to correct her and encourage proper behavior.
IMO, "s/he is on the autism spectrum" is an explanation for why you're carrying a misbehaving kid out of the restaurant. It is not an explanation for why you're allowing him or her to continue to misbehave in it. And I'm extremely frustrated by the other parents I've met who use it as an excuse to abdicate responsibility because little Sherwood's disability makes it too hard to enforce appropriate behavior.
Doesn't it seem like people that behave this way have a weird quirk that makes them LOOK for misbehavior in kids? Seriously, in the OP's scenario, she was just primed and ready to JUMP when she thought the kid was ignoring his dad. I would probably engage someone like that in a discussion about kids. I bet you dollars to donuts she would start talking about how TOUGH her parents were and how SOFT parents are these days. I think she has a serious ax to grind.
I bet you dollars to donuts she would start talking about how TOUGH her parents were and how SOFT parents are these days. I think she has a serious ax to grind.
Well, honestly, I think respect for adults has gone to hell over the last twenty-five years, and so has a lot of kids' behavior. (FTR, I was raised by wolves.) That having been said, agreement or disagreement with that doesn't mean any particular person in an individual scenario is right or wrong. At best, it may explain why the OP was interpreted the many different ways it was by many different people. When additional information was offered, it seemed to me that the OP was correct in thinking this particular woman was out of line. OTOH, when one of the local teens said "just wait a minute, willya, I'm talking to him!" in a rude tone when I was trying to get my son into the car, you betcha the Claire Huxtable voice ("oh, you did NOT just say that") and the Over-the-Glasses Mom Glare issued forth (and was applauded by two other nearby parents).
Well, honestly, I think respect for adults has gone to hell over the last twenty-five years, and so has a lot of kids' behavior. (FTR, I was raised by wolves.) That having been said, agreement or disagreement with that doesn't mean any particular person in an individual scenario is right or wrong. At best, it may explain why the OP was interpreted the many different ways it was by many different people. When additional information was offered, it seemed to me that the OP was correct in thinking this particular woman was out of line. OTOH, when one of the local teens said "just wait a minute, willya, I'm talking to him!" in a rude tone when I was trying to get my son into the car, you betcha the Claire Huxtable voice ("oh, you did NOT just say that") and the Over-the-Glasses Mom Glare issued forth (and was applauded by two other nearby parents).
Good for you!
It's funny, I was pretty much raised by wolves too. I was the youngest of five and my parents were worn out and in their 40s when I was born. I think they just sort of said, "There's the fridge, there's the bathroom, welcome to Earth..." and went back to sleep.
It's funny, I was pretty much raised by wolves too. I was the youngest of five and my parents were worn out and in their 40s when I was born. I think they just sort of said, "There's the fridge, there's the bathroom, welcome to Earth..." and went back to sleep.
From my experience with my nieces and nephew, majority of the time we (aunts and uncle) discipline them. Whenever my brother and sister in law drop the kids over for whatever reasons (majority of the time it's so-called business), the kids become bratty right away. We do not allow them to walk over us, so we discipline them our way. I don't see a problem with it. If the parents get mad at us for making their kids cry, it's not our fault that they fail to discipline their kids. My brother doesn't strictly enforce discipline on my nephew so he gets his way most of the time. We don't tolerate with that in our home.
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
8,309 posts, read 38,787,526 times
Reputation: 7185
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anberlin
From my experience with my nieces and nephew, majority of the time we (aunts and uncle) discipline them. Whenever my brother and sister in law drop the kids over for whatever reasons (majority of the time it's so-called business), the kids become bratty right away. We do not allow them to walk over us, so we discipline them our way. I don't see a problem with it. If the parents get mad at us for making their kids cry, it's not our fault that they fail to discipline their kids. My brother doesn't strictly enforce discipline on my nephew so he gets his way most of the time. We don't tolerate with that in our home.
That's very different from what the OP is describing and not unreasonable nor inappropriate as far as I can tell. Your house, your time, your rules.
If my kid really is out of line, then I don't care what anyone (including a complete stranger who is being bothered) says to him.
People who get all cheezed off because someone dared tell their perfect angel to behave (while they are clearly too self-absorbed to do so) are a mystery to me. Are you really that full of yourself?
OK, I feel like you do too, but do you really think the OP is in that category?
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