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to the OP...Sounds to me like the woman needs to pick on someone her own size, and leave your son alone!!!No one needs to speak to your son when you are right there.....for some strange reason,she seems to be challenging your alliance with your son by taking great pleasure in berating him.... for something she's made up in her own little mind....I'd make sure I never left the little fellow alone with her for a second........Anyone who has to make themselves feel better by putting a little person down is a major $#*****#$
From my experience with my nieces and nephew, majority of the time we (aunts and uncle) discipline them. Whenever my brother and sister in law drop the kids over for whatever reasons (majority of the time it's so-called business), the kids become bratty right away. We do not allow them to walk over us, so we discipline them our way. I don't see a problem with it. If the parents get mad at us for making their kids cry, it's not our fault that they fail to discipline their kids. My brother doesn't strictly enforce discipline on my nephew so he gets his way most of the time. We don't tolerate with that in our home.
I'm with you. My niece and nephew are great kids. When they were young and I was watching them, I disciplined them. Same with when a family member was watching my kids. My family and close friends all have the "It takes a village" mentality when it comes to the kids.
On the other hand, if a parent is sitting right there, handling the situation themselves, then stay out of it!
If a parent (that is a friend) is sitting right there and at the end of their rope, by all means speak up!
That's my opinion anyway. I have no problem if a friend, family member (or perfect stranger in some cases) tells my kid to behave. If the kid is being naughty, they need to be corrected.
My kids are teens now. If you see them out without me and they are acting like an idiot, please tell them to straighten up
i have an acquaintance that always seems to have something to say to my child. my son is 5 and quite well behaved most of the time. but she seems to have some sort of disdain for him. perhaps she doesn't agree with our methods. he will be doing something perfectly normal, his father will call to him and she will say "your father is calling you!!!". today he answered back and i did not reprimand him for it because i felt this woman was out of line. my son said something like "no" and she response "oh i dont think so, you dont speak to me that way"...but i was actually glad he stuck up for himself.
his father called to him, and she didnt need to get involved in any way. he was just sitting quietly playing and his dad wanted to show him something. it wasnt urgent.
this woman always seems to try to get involved and i am tired of it! it's like she has decided our son is unruley (could not be farther from the truth) and she needs to get involved in raising him. she is not family and she is barely a freind.
have you had to deal with something like this? how did you handle it?
I know people like this and it really bothers me too. I would politely let her know she doesn't have to take care of your son, you are able to manage on your own..but thank you anyways..
It may not be just your son she has a problem with but all children. Some people just don't like kids.
I think the woman was wrong but OTOH I tried to teach my kids to be polite even when another person was rude.
An acceptable response from my kids would have been along the lines of "Yes Dad, I'm coming in a minute", while politely ignoring Ms. Buttinski, or if he felt like taking the high road a "Yes Ms. Buttinski, I heard my dad, thank you" while continuing to finish whatever he was already doing.
A five yr old might be a bit young to grasp the concept, but in my experience the world is full of enough busybodies that your child will run into this type of incident again, good for him to be prepared with a way to handle it.
I was always open to the idea of other people disciplining my children within reason. Our kids spent a lot of time in group activities, often without us around, so they got pretty used to other parents riding herd on them.
I'm not big on the idea that only a child's parents are allowed to correct said child and everyone else is supposed to take a hands off approach.
It sounds like she wanted him to leave. You said your son has seen her before so I would agree with him. Yes, we should teach children to respect adults. But respect is earned and I think it's okay for them to learn that not everyone deserves it. The woman is a PIA and doesn't treat him with respect so I don't see anything wrong with what your son did.
My nephew has red hair and when he was little people - strangers - often tried to touch him. When a woman tried to go for it one day he said "don't touch me". The woman was outraged that my sister didn't reprimand him. My sister told her he did exactly what he should have done and to keep her hands to herself.
The bold may be true, but it's no reason to be rude.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dr74
Directed towards the OP...
I would get crazy if someone tried to discipline my son...
However I am one of those moms on the playground that follows my son around to see that he is okay..One of those moms that told him at 11 when he wanted to ride his bike outside.."I am cleaning the living room I can see you and if I cannot? you shouldnt be there"
Why? Because he is my son and also I want no tom foolery..
I cannot stand bullies or disrespectful children..and I make no bones about it..If I see a kid on the playground teasing or hurting another child? I will look around for a parent if I do not see one? I will reprimand..my thing is? Watch your kid...bottom line every kid has the right to play and be safe without some little sob trying to be mean..pfft.
Another short story? I had this potsmoker neighbor who was never home but let the drug dealer bf in our good neighborhood "watch" their son? lol..well her son went home with his bike wrecked and told her that it was my son who did it and she was a fool and told him something...I went over there and recanted the time frame, who was out there and where my son was and where her pos bf was and told her to watch her own kid or get daycare..and if she ever looked at my kid cross eyed? Good luck with that..
As far as talking back? My son knew better..he said nothing and came and got me.. I have no problem being a pit bull for my son...
If I were you? I would not have allowed your son to speak but nipped that **** in the bud.."Yes my son hears him" now what?"
Wait, your son is over 11 years old and you still follow him around on the playground?
Quote:
Originally Posted by treeg26
I'm with you. My niece and nephew are great kids. When they were young and I was watching them, I disciplined them. Same with when a family member was watching my kids. My family and close friends all have the "It takes a village" mentality when it comes to the kids.
On the other hand, if a parent is sitting right there, handling the situation themselves, then stay out of it!
If a parent (that is a friend) is sitting right there and at the end of their rope, by all means speak up!
That's my opinion anyway. I have no problem if a friend, family member (or perfect stranger in some cases) tells my kid to behave. If the kid is being naughty, they need to be corrected.
My kids are teens now. If you see them out without me and they are acting like an idiot, please tell them to straighten up
One time my mother smacked my cousin, her sister's kid. I was relating this story to my daughter and she was shocked. She asked me if I would smack my nieces or nephews, and I said "no", but things were different then. When I told my cousin this story she just said "It takes a village".
I think every parent has had experiences like that of the OP. Some people are just busybodies. This hardly ranks up there with spanking someone else's child, or even severely reprimanding him/her. My neighbors and I had an unwritten agreement that we could send each other's kids home if they weren't playing "nicely". That's about as far as I would go with disciplining someone else's kids in a play situation. Now as for day care providers, they are free to do what they think it appropriate.
I won't interfere with a child who is not directly affecting me or doing something harmful. But if they are, and the parents either aren't there or aren't doing anything to manage the situation? Well, I treat it the same as I would if an adult was doing something annoying and wouldn't stop. Everyone has the right to stick up for themselves.
That doesn't mean I get to be rude about it, and it doesn't mean I get to stick my nose in when it isn't directly affecting me.
For example- a coworker brought her child into work for a few hours. Her office is near mine, and I could hear the boy screaming and carrying on with only vague attempts to make him stop (oh, sweetie, mommy has to work...) But that was her problem, and I just put my headphones on. But when the kid wandered into my office and started tapping on my fish tank...it became MY problem, and yeah, I said something. Politely, mind you, but I told him firmly NOT to bother my fish and to leave. And I didn't try and track down his mother first.
So yeah, interfering when it doesn't affect you? That's being a busybody. Interfering when it does? Everyone has that right.
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