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i have an acquaintance that always seems to have something to say to my child. my son is 5 and quite well behaved most of the time. but she seems to have some sort of disdain for him. perhaps she doesn't agree with our methods. he will be doing something perfectly normal, his father will call to him and she will say "your father is calling you!!!". today he answered back and i did not reprimand him for it because i felt this woman was out of line. my son said something like "no" and she response "oh i dont think so, you dont speak to me that way"...but i was actually glad he stuck up for himself.
his father called to him, and she didnt need to get involved in any way. he was just sitting quietly playing and his dad wanted to show him something. it wasnt urgent.
this woman always seems to try to get involved and i am tired of it! it's like she has decided our son is unruley (could not be farther from the truth) and she needs to get involved in raising him. she is not family and she is barely a freind.
have you had to deal with something like this? how did you handle it?
A friend, yes, I welcome & tell my friends to. An aquintance, probably not. I wouldn't unless I knew the parents well. I am really close w/ 2 girls in particular & all 3 of us are comfortable telling the others' kids 'how it is'. It's usually me or one other Mom, the 3rd is more reserved.
I, however, do not stand for the disrespect of kids telling adults 'no' (no matter if the adult is in the 'wrong'. Let me know later, I'll deal w/ it lol) . Though, I probably wouldn't stick my nose in, in the 1st place, so, it would be a nonissue.
I did have a coach one time grab my son's arm when he was fending off the coaches' grandson who was younger & hit my son 3 times before my son tried to block the kid. All the parents were watching. But, I marched straight up to the coach & told him what had happened & that, basically, his grandkid was the cause (I admit, I was a 'bit' more abrasive than that, my hubby was embarrassed lol) . If my child is in the wrong, fine, if some other a-hole kid is the cause & you only see the reaction, DON'T put your hands on my kid.
Does this lady even have kids? If not, she doesn't have a clue & shouldn't get involved. It sounds like she's just looking for a way to admonish your child (though, again, I wouldn't stand for him saying 'no' to her, even if she is wrong, but, I'd explain afterwards to my child) . But, that is me. =)
If the child would be harming or annoying someone I would welcome that person to actually stand up and tell him to stop, rather than throw me some desperate eyerolling.
But in the situation you described, this lady is exaggerating and needs some serious talk from one of you.
Even from her perspective, if a child is not doing any harm to me or my child, I see no reason to discipline or interfere, even if he behaves like a little devil. Which it's probably not your case anyways.
I don't see how an adult telling a child not to speak to them rudely is even disciplining them, let alone out of place. That said, in this situation, I agree with inaclick that this woman seems like she is starting conflict rather than anything earnest.
Location: Currently I physically reside on the 3rd planet from the sun
2,220 posts, read 1,878,581 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by findinghope
i have an acquaintance that always seems to have something to say to my child. my son is 5 and quite well behaved most of the time. but she seems to have some sort of disdain for him. perhaps she doesn't agree with our methods. he will be doing something perfectly normal, his father will call to him and she will say "your father is calling you!!!". today he answered back and i did not reprimand him for it because i felt this woman was out of line. my son said something like "no" and she response "oh i dont think so, you dont speak to me that way"...but i was actually glad he stuck up for himself.
his father called to him, and she didnt need to get involved in any way. he was just sitting quietly playing and his dad wanted to show him something. it wasnt urgent.
this woman always seems to try to get involved and i am tired of it! it's like she has decided our son is unruley (could not be farther from the truth) and she needs to get involved in raising him. she is not family and she is barely a freind.
have you had to deal with something like this? how did you handle it?
What is her relationship to you and your family?
Why is she around you and your family?
I don't think this is an issue between an "acquaintance" and your son, this is an issue between you and the acquaintance and perhaps you and your husband. Instead of addressing appropriate expectations about relationships (boundaries) with the acquaintance concerning you, your home and your family as an active participant you passively observe your child begin to rebel against this persons assertion of authority in what may be an attempt to establish his own boundaries. I'm not criticizing I'm saying you may want to think about this situation and consider other options.
Take a deep breath and pause a moment, if you confront this person in an angry manner you may appear defensive and lose further credibility in establishing boundaries. I'm just sharing my layman thoughts on a forum. I would suggest you find a counselour you trust and feel comfortable with to share your real feelings and get some qualified advice about assertiveness, boundaries, self-confidence and communication skills.
Best of Luck, it sounds like you are in an uncomfortable place right now but I'm sure you'll come out the other side a stronger more confident person.
If my kid really is out of line, then I don't care what anyone (including a complete stranger who is being bothered) says to him.
People who get all cheezed off because someone dared tell their perfect angel to behave (while they are clearly too self-absorbed to do so) are a mystery to me. Are you really that full of yourself?
Location: Currently I physically reside on the 3rd planet from the sun
2,220 posts, read 1,878,581 times
Reputation: 886
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
If my kid really is out of line, then I don't care what anyone (including a complete stranger who is being bothered) says to him.
People who get all cheezed off because someone dared tell their perfect angel to behave (while they are clearly too self-absorbed to do so) are a mystery to me. Are you really that full of yourself?
I didn't get the feeling this lady if 'full of herself'. I got the feeling she felt threatened in her home which should be a 'safe' place for all of us and felt her role as mother and matriarch of her family is not being respected.
I think your response sounds a bit hostile and accusatory.
I've never had anyone try to discipline my kids in front of me, but I once had a lady take it upon herself to apply topical medicine on my son's arm without asking me first. He had scraped his arm during a fall off his bike the day before and we had cleaned it up but it wasn't bad enough for a bandaid or anything. We were sitting around a table having lunch and she got up from the table. I thought she was refilling her drink or something, but she comes back and starts applying this gel onto his arm!! My son was upset and so was I. The scrape had scabbed over and was healing fine but the medicine she put on his arm made it burn. It was a horrible scene. I was so mad. I told my son to go wash his arm off in the bathroom with soap and water and while he was in the bathroom (with his older brother who was helping him) I told her that what she did had upset me and had been way out of line. She said she was just trying to help and didn't apologize. She just sat there with a blank stare, finishing her lunch. When my son came out of the bathroom we left. I was so mad I never called her again. I had only known her a few weeks, so it wasn't that big a deal to me to not pursue that relationship further. You don't mess with my kids.
I don't think I'd tolerate anyone else disciplining my kids, either, unless it was a situation where someone was going to get hurt or do something really out-of-line. That I would understand. But this lady - the acquaintance of the OP - she sounds more meddlesome than helpful.
I don't discipline other people's kids, either. If there's an issue that merits it I bring it up with the parents and hope they deal with it. If they don't and it's bothering me or my kids we simply practice tolerance or choose not to hang with those people anymore. Most parents deal with it, thankfully.
If my kid really is out of line, then I don't care what anyone (including a complete stranger who is being bothered) says to him.
People who get all cheezed off because someone dared tell their perfect angel to behave (while they are clearly too self-absorbed to do so) are a mystery to me. Are you really that full of yourself?
Why exactly would you - or anyone - care how promptly does some acquaintance's kid respond to his father's calling?
From the situation depicted by the OP, the only out of line person is that lady. Next thing you know, we'll be disciplining stranger;s kids in the mall: "Walk faster! Don't chew with your mouth opened! Your mother worked hard for those money, how DARE you say you don't want those sneakers?"
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