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Reminds me of the time when I was about 13 1/2 and walked 9.5miles to go see my boyfriend at the next city over video game store and watch him play Street Fighter video games for hours. My friend and I had a great time on those long walks for almost three years...lol
I wanted to rep you but must spread the love around! Street Fighter! AHH.. 9 1/2 miles just to watch. LOL.
But it's one reason to at least have your child next to you and never behind you when you go to public events like this. Is it feasible? I don't see why not. Both parent and child can enjoy the game just fine sitting next to each other.
At what age are you going to let your child have some independence?
By eight my friends and I were going to the movies together without our parents. (Kiddie matinees. The adults who braved them were few and far between.)
By 9 or 10 I was letting my sons sit by themselves in theaters. They liked sitting in the front row. We didn't. So we let them. We sat in the middle of the theater where we could see them. They were instructed to yell like a banshee if there was ever a Creepy Guy bothering them. There never was.
They were happy and we saved our necks and our eyesight.
At what age are you going to let your child have some independence?
By eight my friends and I were going to the movies together without our parents. (Kiddie matinees. The adults who braved them were few and far between.)
By 9 or 10 I was letting my sons sit by themselves in theaters. They liked sitting in the front row. We didn't. So we let them. We sat in the middle of the theater where we could see them. They were instructed to yell like a banshee if there was ever a Creepy Guy bothering them. There never was.
They were happy and we saved our necks and our eyesight.
DewDrop, please scan the last few pages of the thread for my answers to the first question. But keep in mind that a kid need not be left alone in public to have some independence.
As for the rest of it, I was always with my mom in public and I was never harmed or hindered by it. It would seem we all turned out fine regardless of whether we were ever left in public without adult supervision at ages 8-10. The only difference is that my mom went just a little bit further than some of yours in making sure I was okay.
DewDrop, please scan the last few pages of the thread for my answers to the first question. But keep in mind that a kid need not be left alone in public to have some independence.
As for the rest of it, I was always with my mom in public and I was never harmed or hindered by it. It would seem we all turned out fine regardless of whether we were ever left in public without adult supervision at ages 8-10. The only difference is that my mom went just a little bit further than some of yours in making sure I was okay.
And as I have pointed out, I would not have turned out 'fine' with constant supervision, because my family situation and personality were different from yours.
And your mom took making sure you were fine 1% further than mine did. I don't think avoiding a 1% risk warrants much accolades.
You talked around it so much I found that difficult to determine.
This is only the millionth time I'm having to say:
There are so many other factors involved. I wouldn't just pick an age at which it's "okay" to leave a child at the park alone. The perceived readiness of the child is only part of the equation.
The "right age" might be 8 in some circumstances (not all of which pertain to the child) and it might be 12+ in others.
But he's learning independence already, and he's not even 2 yet. So, no worries
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParallelJJCat
And your mom took making sure you were fine 1% further than mine did. I don't think avoiding a 1% risk warrants much accolades.
1% hundreds of times, yes. And you don't have to think it warrants a thing. I do!
The only difference is that my mom went just a little bit further than some of yours in making sure I was okay.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0
This is only the millionth time I'm having to say:
There are so many other factors involved. I wouldn't just pick an age at which it's "okay" to leave a child at the park alone. The perceived readiness of the child is only part of the equation.
The "right age" might be 8 in some circumstances (not all of which pertain to the child) and it might be 12+ in others.
But he's learning independence already, and he's not even 2 yet. So, no worries
I believe the point being made is check back in when your son is 8-ish. It's very hard to imagine letting a child out of your sight, but unless you have parented children as they strive for and need a bit of independence and space, it's very difficult to know how you would handle it, and what we mean when we say it's part and parcel of parenting and not neglect.
1% hundreds of times, yes. And you don't have to think it warrants a thing. I do!
You are using it to imply that other mothers who did not supervise their children were not doing a comparable to your mother of 'making sure we were okay'
Did your mother supervise you when you were with family members (including your father) or family friends? Did she ever leave you alone with them? It is difficult to find stats on childhood sexual abuse, as depending on the source they vary widely. Also many cases are never reported due to fear or manipulation of the child.
But one suggests up to 15% of men were molested as children. 90% of sexual abuse cases are committed by people known to the child- family friends or family members. Only 10% of these cases were committed by strangers to the child.
So while your mom was avoiding your 1% risk of being kidnapped by a stranger in the park, she was likely ignoring your 15% risk of being molested by a family member or family friend.
That doesn't make her a bad mom. It makes her a very typical mother. And it illustrates how we exaggerate some risk and ignores others. It's easy to be afraid of the man in the shadows...it's harder to think that someone you know and love could do something so hideous. But when we ignore things like this, we are more likely to brush off real warning signs for relatives and friends.
Whatever happened to "Summer Playground"? In the 1960's (and early 70's), each elementary school in our area had an organized "Summer Playground" for when school let out in the summer until mid August. They had "playground leaders" (college kids) supervising us and organized activities (arts and crafts, plays, sports, square dancing, etc.) from 8:00 a.m. until noon, and 4:00 p.m. until 8:00 p.m. They even had "movie nights", where we'd sit outdoors on a blanket at night and they'd show a movie (Elvis Presley, Disney, Frankie and Annette Beach movie, etc.) on a big screen on the side of the school. It was like being at the Drive In. As long as we were there, our mothers didn't worry about us being left alone. My mother still has some of my "popsicle stick" creations in the attic.
Did anybody else have this growing up?
We had programs put on by the city park and recreations department. (The city had a TON of money for this stuff.)
Organized games in the local parks like carroms and checkers. We could check out sporting equipment for use on the playgrounds. The city sponsored bus trips to various places at a minimal cost. Swimming in the city pools.
My mother was like all the other mothers: "Out! Go get some exercise and I'll see you at lunch."
I believe the point being made is check back in when your son is 8-ish. It's very hard to imagine letting a child out of your sight, but unless you have parented children as they strive for and need a bit of independence and space, it's very difficult to know how you would handle it, and what we mean when we say it's part and parcel of parenting and not neglect.
Duly noted. Apparently, some parents manage to do it the way my mom did. But yeah, we'll see.
I wouldn't call it "neglect", and I wouldn't call it bad at all really. But I wouldn't call it a necessary action in order for a kid to enjoy a bit of independence and space. My son already plays in his room alone fairly often. And he has no trouble being around and getting along with other kids.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParallelJJCat
So while your mom was avoiding your 1% risk of being kidnapped by a stranger in the park, she was likely ignoring your 15% risk of being molested by a family member or family friend.
Actually, my mom was more suspicious of family members than she was of anyone else. For good reason too! Half of 'em were druggies. And yeah, you have to really know whoever you're leaving your kids with (and doing so will make some call you paranoid). And yeah, there's a higher risk involved in many things parents do with their children without thinking. But usually, there is a notable difference in the end results between doing it and not doing it. Not staying the night with family is quite different from staying the night with family. Here, there is no apparent difference between letting your kid play at the park unsupervised and letting your kid play at the park while supervised. Not necessarily. People can try and make their claims that not letting them play in public unattended is associated with some general characteristic or personality trait on the part of the parent, but it just isn't.
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This is only the millionth time I'm having to say:
