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My head is spinning. From personal experience, I can confidently say that the level of independence needed by and given to a toddler and a school aged child are vastly different. "Supervised independence" is an oxymoron.
Kind of OT, but for those looking for ways to protect and empower your kids against kidnapping/molestation, there is a fairly simple way to do it. Have a code word with your child. Only you, your spouse, your child and *trusted* members of your circle should have it. If, for any reason, someone has to pick your child up unexpectedly, the code word must be said by the adult. Instill in your child that if a person does not know the word they DO NOT go with them. I don't care if it's their minister, baseball coach, 2nd grade teacher, a neighbor, Joey's dad, etc. If they don't know the word, you don't go.
I'm going to bring my almost 8yr old to the park on Saturday and attempt to leave her there for an hour or so (as long as there are other kids around). She can walk home. Does it make me nervous? Heck yes, but I agree with the concept of letting our children have some independence and freedom.
What do you all think about this? Are Your Kids Safe Alone at the Park? | Healthland | TIME.com
No, no and NO!! Why would you even consider this? Here it is Sunday and you have probably already left her by herself and let her walk home?? God, I pray she made it ok. Please don't do this again. You read in the news or see on talk shows all these kids who have been abducted, molested or killed because they are alone at a bus stop or a park why would you even attempt this? I wouldn't even let a 16 year old go out alone to a park without at least a friend and a cell phone with her. Good Grief. Bad move.
No, no and NO!! Why would you even consider this? Here it is Sunday and you have probably already left her by herself and let her walk home?? God, I pray she made it ok. Please don't do this again. You read in the news or see on talk shows all these kids who have been abducted, molested or killed because they are alone at a bus stop or a park why would you even attempt this? I wouldn't even let a 16 year old go out alone to a park without at least a friend and a cell phone with her. Good Grief. Bad move.
Not if the person supervising doesn't get involved. If a child's going to be left to their own devices at playtime (and knows it), it's the same thing. This is from personal experience as well. When I was a kid, we looked at our parents like a separate group of friends who did their thing while we did ours. We didn't even understand at the time the need for them to be there. We might as well been unsupervised because that's pretty much how we played, like no one was watching, because most of the time it wasn't apparent anyone was.
That is great advice, about the code word, too. Assuming the kidnapper goes about it that way and doesn't just grab the kid and run for their vehicle.
Not if the person supervising doesn't get involved. If a child's going to be left to their own devices at playtime (and knows it), it's the same thing. This is from personal experience as well. When I was a kid, we looked at our parents like a separate group of friends who did their thing while we did ours. We didn't even understand at the time the need for them to be there. We might as well been unsupervised because that's pretty much how we played, like no one was watching, because most of the time it wasn't apparent anyone was.
That is great advice, about the code word, too. Assuming the kidnapper goes about it that way and doesn't just grab the kid and run for their vehicle.
From what I understand, they usually don't do that. They try to gain the child's trust and friendship so that's why the code word can be a helpful tool.
How does a parent keep enough distance so that a child feels unsupervised and independent while remaining close enough to fend off the babysnatchers?
Basically, you want to be closer than any other adult and any road. Honestly, it's more about making sure one doesn't get close enough to grab them than fending them off once they do. That's why putting too much trust in anyone else at the park isn't such a good idea. No one's watching until the kidnapping is halfway done and the child's screaming (assuming they can, and do). Depending on the kidnapper's strength, once they grab your kid, it's pretty much up to the kid's ability to fight them off at that point.
Luckily, it would seem many kidnappers get scared that people are watching and give up, especially if the kid puts up a good struggle, which is also something a parent needs to make it a point to tell their kid: "Fight whoever grabs you and tries to take you somewhere" Some kids are taught not to hit and to respect their elders so much that they won't just know some adults are okay to hit!
And I'm not suggesting a parent have to go so far as to make their child feel unsupervised (just saying ours did), but it's not a bad idea to make them feel "on their own" in terms of handling yourself amongst other kids. If you only play Mr. or Ms. fix-it for big problems from toddlerhood on, they'll get the picture.
Basically, you want to be closer than any other adult and any road. Honestly, it's more about making sure one doesn't get close enough to grab them than fending them off once they do. That's why putting too much trust in anyone else at the park isn't such a good idea. No one's watching until the kidnapping is halfway done and the child's screaming (assuming they can, and do). Depending on the kidnapper's strength, once they grab your kid, it's pretty much up to the kid's ability to fight them off at that point.
Luckily, it would seem many kidnappers get scared that people are watching and give up, especially if the kid puts up a good struggle, which is also something a parent needs to make it a point to tell their kid: "Fight whoever grabs you and tries to take you somewhere" Some kids are taught not to hit and to respect their elders so much that they won't just know some adults are okay to hit!
And I'm not suggesting a parent have to go so far as to make their child feel unsupervised (just saying ours did), but it's not a bad idea to make them feel "on their own" in terms of handling yourself amongst other kids. If you only play Mr. or Ms. fix-it for big problems from toddlerhood on, they'll get the picture.
I definitely agree that kids should be taught to scream, struggle, and fight if someone grabs them. And it seems that other people's suggestions of bringing books, laptops, or knitting would only serve as a distraction. In order to maintain constant vigilance, a parent would not be able to do anything else or bring more than one child.
Maybe a really long leash, like 30 feet or so? After a while the kiddo would probably forget it was there.
Maybe a really long leash, like 30 feet or so? After a while the kiddo would probably forget it was there.
That's a great idea!
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