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Eventually, I think I'd get over it. I can't imagine disowning her or not loving her ... ever. I love her unconditionally and it would be me who would have to change my mindset.
This... some parents might feel like they are losing their daughter & gaining a son they have not known for very long, or maybe they just don't relate to someone whose gender is naturally fluid (why don't they make up their mind)? It is hard for people to wrap their heads around something in which they have no experience & very little understanding. This is understandable to a point, but hopefully parents will put effort into coming to terms with their feelings so that they do not make their kids feel rejected.
Anyone who would demand that their adult child dress "normal," or you will reject them... that is beyond unreasonable. They are dressing normal, you just don't interpret it that way. If you are willing to reduce your relationship over clothing/gender expression that is really hateful.
I'm not going to be politically correct. I would totally disown them. That is way beyond anything I know of.
I don't think anybody is trying to be PC. We all have admitted it would be difficult but in the end we would bend over backward to understand and support our children. 'What you are saying is that you would never see or talk to your child simply for a birth defect he or she had nothing to do with...not a choice...but an actual acknowledgement that something went wrong along the way in utero development. Would you disown a child born with a deformed appendage? Because this is what you are saying and i find it sad.
I don't think anybody is trying to be PC. We all have admitted it would be difficult but in the end we would bend over backward to understand and support our children. 'What you are saying is that you would never see or talk to your child simply for a birth defect he or she had nothing to do with...not a choice...but an actual acknowledgement that something went wrong along the way in utero development. Would you disown a child born with a deformed appendage? Because this is what you are saying and i find it sad.
I really, really would hesitate about calling it a birth defect. That someone has different hormone levels/genetics/brain stucture does not mean something is *wrong*. It means something is *different*. There is nothing harmful in and of itself about feeling transgendered- it isn't like a malformed hand that by its existence causes difficulties.
In a perfect world, there would be no gender barriers because what the heck does it matter, anyway? Why does it matter if Sally wants to wear a suit and be called Bob? Does it change a single thing about that person's compassion, intelligence, or ability to support themselves? Why do we care so much that we're willing to harm our children over what clothes they wear or pronouns they use?
The transgendered person is not the one with the problem. The birth defect is in the lack of empathy that causes people to react with disgust and shame when their children step outside the narrow box they've been assigned.
And personally, I would have rather been disowned then live in a house where the message was that I should be pitied because I was *deformed* mentally. Is a black person *deformed* because they have skin cells that produce more melatonin? Or is that just a normal variant (or is a white person deformed because their skin produces less)?
Last edited by ParallelJJCat; 09-25-2012 at 08:42 AM..
How sad that you assume male ballet dancers are transsexual.
I never said that, just like I don't think because my daughter plays boys sports or dressed in boys clothes, she is now transsexual. I just said for ME, that is not something I would want my son involved in, although I do allow it for my daughter. I also don't want to see him wearing speedos, wearing his pants below his waist, or getting piercings. My minor kid, my money, my rules.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 90sman
Like I said in another post, just because a parent doesn't approve or accept something their child does doesn't mean they disown them.
Do you approve of everything everyone does? I doubt it, but I also doubt that means you disown them.
I think transgenderism is a very strange thing as do most other people.
That's the way I feel about this. I answered the OP's questions and if you don't like it then that is just too bad. Boo-hoo.
Absolutely right. First I've heard that you have to approve all that your children do, that is absurd. There is a BIG difference between disapproving of somebody's choices, and disowning them.... that certainly is a giant leap. I woud disapprove if my child dyed their hair a silly color or had a bad credit score, it doesn't mean I would never talk to them again.
Absolutely right. First I've heard that you have to approve all that your children do, that is absurd. There is a BIG difference between disapproving of somebody's choices, and disowning them.... that certainly is a giant leap. I woud disapprove if my child dyed their hair a silly color or had a bad credit score, it doesn't mean I would never talk to them again.
Accepting your child's gender-identity & not contributing to dysphoria is not the same as simply allowing them to dye their hair, have piercings, or have a bad credit score.
Absolutely right. First I've heard that you have to approve all that your children do, that is absurd. There is a BIG difference between disapproving of somebody's choices, and disowning them.... that certainly is a giant leap. I woud disapprove if my child dyed their hair a silly color or had a bad credit score, it doesn't mean I would never talk to them again.
Hmm, it would seem you think it's a choice? I suggest you go back to the first page and read the links.
I really, really would hesitate about calling it a birth defect. That someone has different hormone levels/genetics/brain stucture does not mean something is *wrong*. It means something is *different*. There is nothing harmful in and of itself about feeling transgendered- it isn't like a malformed hand that by its existence causes difficulties.
In a perfect world, there would be no gender barriers because what the heck does it matter, anyway? Why does it matter if Sally wants to wear a suit and be called Bob? Does it change a single thing about that person's compassion, intelligence, or ability to support themselves? Why do we care so much that we're willing to harm our children over what clothes they wear or pronouns they use?
The transgendered person is not the one with the problem. The birth defect is in the lack of empathy that causes people to react with disgust and shame when their children step outside the narrow box they've been assigned.
And personally, I would have rather been disowned then live in a house where the message was that I should be pitied because I was *deformed* mentally. Is a black person *deformed* because they have skin cells that produce more melatonin? Or is that just a normal variant (or is a white person deformed because their skin produces less)?
I mean "defect" as in "deviation of the norm". and yes anything which deviates from the norm will present problems for that person As Well as the family. You personally are very lucky your mother was/is so understanding and open minded. But you have to admit most would not be as quick to accept and would try to "pray" it away or change the person through other means. Unless and until this person has some support, understanding and acceptance it would be a handicap because society just isn't ready to be so open hearted and open minded. I think we do agree that this is the hope we both have but it will not come easily to many many people.
If so many parents have such a hard time accepting homosexual children, I can imagine transgendered children would be 100 times more difficult because of the physical changes some might want to undertake through surgery. Cross dressing and living a life of the opposite sex would not bother me as much as if my child wanted to surgically change their body.
I have never in my life seen deviation from the norm as a correct use of the word defect. I think the wordx defect in this case is actually really offensive. There is nothing defective about a transgendered person.
If people were not so uptight about this magic "norm", there would be less reason to be fearful about deviations from it.
I would think that by the time a child hits their early 20's the parents know. They might not want to hear it, but they do know.
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