Just because you dont spank your kids...................... (girl, boyfriend, friend)
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Age 2.5, leaves the house without telling Mama. Crosses the street. Plays in nieghbors yard. Meanwhile, Mama is searching the house, going crazy. "Where is Kevin?"...Mama goes outside, frantic. And...there is Kevin...across the street! Yes. Kevin got a spanking. He never left the house again without asking Mama.
Was that situation, "child abuse"? This could have been very dangerous. It is not the same as something that merits time out...like taking a toy away from his baby brother. Which, Kevin continued to do...despite numerous time outs.
Judicious use of corporal punishment is the key. A spanking for everything, loses its "power".
The evidence just doesn't support it as an effective deterrent. . .
THere is an entire country (multiple countries, but sweeden in 1979) that don't fall on this crutch. . .with no ill effects and a reduction in child abuse.
Discipline is key, but i'm sticking with the research.
Are you 100% positive your children didn't burst into uncontrollable tantrums? Did you stay home and witness this or did they go to a daycare/preschool where you didn't see them for a big chunk of the day? Because I work in a preschool and there are 10 two year Olds in our class and all but one of them throw some really good tantrums. One of those kids has random screaming fits that can last for about an hour and two of the little girls are pretty violent. They will push, kick, bite throw chairs., tump over tables, and throw things. They usually require some sort of restraint and removal from class until they calm down. Trying to gently reason with them while they are tearing up the class and scaring the other kids doesn't really work because they are in no mood to listen.
LOL, read her post again, she doesn't have children yet, she's planning to teach her future children not to have tantrums.
Quote:
First off, my children will not burst into uncontrollable tantrums, that's something I will address and teach them from a very early age.
Likeminas, I hope you'll come back and tell us how it's working for you in a few years time. And I'd love you to come over when my kids hit puberty and teach them how not to be teenagers.
No, they deplore child abuse just like you do, they're only disciplining, just like you are.
Light spanking is not abuse. Let me tell you what is., because we have some kids where I work who HAVE been severely abused. The two year old I mentioned who throws violent tantrums....raped as an infant. Her adoptive brother, the one who screams....crack baby. I also work with a sister and brother that were abused by their mothers boyfriend. The boy had canned food, furniture, etc...thrown at him and beaten to near unconsciousness often. The sister was molested. He is a very violent and ultra sensitive boy. He strikes out aggressively to other kids instead of calmly resolving conflict or telling an adult. He will use his fists on girls or boys. The girl is insecure in a sense, very needy. Most likely because her mother pretty much ignored her. Thank goodness the dad had the kids custody switched to him.
I can either spank him now or have law enforcement shoot him later!
Interestingly, I have never heard this from a middle or uppermiddle class parent. Who even thinks like this? Parents who are marginalized members of society.
LOL, read her post again, she doesn't have children yet, she's planning to teach her future children not to have tantrums.
Likeminas, I hope you'll come back and tell us how it's working for you in a few years time. And I'd love you to come over when my kids hit puberty and teach them how not to be teenagers.
Good luck with that It's normal for kids to have tantrums. Many of them do, they just vary in intensity. Some are not too loud and over in a few minutes and some are so bad that the kid can be a danger to themselves and others. Even kids who don't"tantrum " per say, still can shed tears or be hitters or biters.
This! This is how my parents disciplined us and it's how I raise mine. My mom told me to always give myself a five minute time out and then decide the punishment.....don't just get angry and react. She said to let them know you mean business, but don't make them so afraid of you that they are afraid to sleep at night. Best advice ever. I was spanked when I was younger and they tapered off by middle school, then it was groundings and boy was my mom tough with those!
If your parents were hitting you up until middle school and then having to ground you in the years after that then all I can say is that your parents were not very successful, were they? The hitting apparently didn't work. Yet, like most here who were hit, they put their parents on a pedestal and talk about how brilliant they were at parenting. Hmmm...
Doesn't mean everyone else is abusing their kids!!!!!
So a white lady saw my friend slap her son yesterday, in the train station. Mind you, her son was acting a ass. She decides to follow my friend, and call the cops.So now shes still sitting in central booking waiting to see a judge. I've heard these kind of stories a lot. Like people seriously need to mind their business.
Tell your friend to take it to a jury. Juries never, ever convict in cases like that. If she pleads to anything, even disorderly conduct, she'll regret it.
Light spanking is not abuse. Let me tell you what is., because we have some kids where I work who HAVE been severely abused. The two year old I mentioned who throws violent tantrums....raped as an infant. Her adoptive brother, the one who screams....crack baby. I also work with a sister and brother that were abused by their mothers boyfriend. The boy had canned food, furniture, etc...thrown at him and beaten to near unconsciousness often. The sister was molested. He is a very violent and ultra sensitive boy. He strikes out aggressively to other kids instead of calmly resolving conflict or telling an adult. He will use his fists on girls or boys. The girl is insecure in a sense, very needy. Most likely because her mother pretty much ignored her. Thank goodness the dad had the kids custody switched to him.
Do you want me to link to children who have been killed by the Pearls method? Yes, they're insistent it's not abuse, just like you are.
I feel the parent and child are at fault here. She should have payed more attention to her child.
Seriously? Apparently kids should just be kept in a crate while you get the dishes done then?
I'm glad there are people out there that actuallyrecognize child abuse when they see it, and do something. But, there are others that just can't stand NOT shoving their nose in other peoples buisness.
Here's a fine example:
My friend has a nice old classic muscle car. It's a '71 Charger, a rumbling nasty beast. This thing is no rust bucket. It might as well have just come off the show room floor. Well one day him and I took his son and daughter for a cruise, because those kids looooovvvvve dad's noisey car. No speeding, no burnouts, just plain old cruisin'. They were both in their booster seats.
Anyways, we get back to his place and there is a cruiser and another normal car sitting in the driveway, two officers and some lady in a suit talking to his wife. As we're pulling into the driveway, the lady starts marching towards the car, apparently expecting to see two half beaten children in the back seat.
I guess what happened, was that somewhere along the cruise, somebody decided that the Charger wasn't safe enough for children to be in. So they basically said these kids were in a rolling, rusted out death trap, jumping around in the car in which nobody was wearing seatbelts (only had lap belts), and some other stuff about hearing the kids yelling and screaming.
The CAS lady was stunned to find to perfectly healthy, happy, beautiful children; properly seated in their legal booster seats, held in place by lapbelts like they were designed to be.
Now, nothing came of this situation. But it shows how some people DO just need mind their own damn buisness. If the cops and the CAS wern't there as we pulled up to witness for themselves that these kids were nothing short of extatic with the ride, strapped in to legal booster seats (because they normally arn't in the Charger, and are normally taken out right after a cruise), in a mint condition vehicle, who knows what kind of troubles they would be facing right now with CAS.
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It's normal for kids to have tantrums. Many of them do, they just vary in intensity. Some are not too loud and over in a few minutes and some are so bad that the kid can be a danger to themselves and others. Even kids who don't"tantrum " per say, still can shed tears or be hitters or biters.
