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But if the results are the same, why, as a parent, would you choose to hit vs not hit? I admit that I have swatted the bottom of one of my boys twice, but both times I felt terrible afterwards. Both times were when he was having an uncontrollable fit at home. The butt swatting didn't really work, it probbaly worked worse than other methods we employ.
If you felt guilty afterwards then the spanking method isn't for you. It probably wouldn't work after an uncontrollable fit anyway. Spanking is more for when they KNOW they did something VERY bad, something they were distinctly told not to do. They had a choice to make and they knew they were doing the wrong thing but they went ahead and did it anyway. Now they know that they deserve what they are getting.
Often that kind of a spanking is the, "Wait until your father gets home" kind of spanking. It's a serious occasion. The father is informed and he puts the kid over his knee and spank spank spank. That's it. The kid is maybe 6-10 years old, no older.
It's not mean. It is controlled and it is understood in the family that this is the consequence for doing something really really bad. It is the consistently used punishment for horrible behavior and it doesn't happen very much. In most cases the child will never do that again and will also think twice before doing anything as bad as that again. So it's very effective and will result in fewer punishments in the long run.
Another time spanking is used is for the little swat on the bottom. A pre schooler runs out into the road, they get told NO and a little swat so the NO sinks in. At this age a drawn out explanation of *why* you can't run out into the road is just not going to do the trick. Sure, you can sit them down and talk to them as well--no harm done--but this is a case where they really, truly need to learn.
That's what most people mean by spanking. Not out of control thrashing or beatings, that's child abuse. I have seen that and have reported it to the police. It was my neighbors and that WAS my business.
The Pearls (Debi and her husband Michael) are the authors of a very popular Christian child rearing book. I would not consider it to be a good reference, but there are plenty of Christians who believe this *is* the way to bring up children. They have their own website and ministry. The Book is called To Train Up a Child. They are advocates for homeschooling as well. Gentler Christians believe the Pearls are not even truly Christian in their teachings.
Here is a tv-clip from a woman who is speaking out against them.
The Ezzos wrote Babywise, which is in a similar vein and children who were being breastfed using this method have had failure to thrive. There are many stories from parents around on these abusive people.
That said, this is not the same as spanking in your way. I just think that more people do these methods than yours.
Thank you, nana, for posting that. I had never heard of them and that's definitely NOT what I'm even talking about. Maybe their method works for them and a few others but it sounds dangerously close to the edge. Close enough to be easily taken way too far and turned into actual child abuse.
Another scary type of discipline occurs (or used to anyway) in some military families where the father has been strictly trained and expects his kids to endure the same. I'm not putting military families down at all, just saying that the danger is there because the parents (usually the father) have learned that violence is the best method.
As for respecting authority and obeying, it's probably good --when taken with a grain of salt. Not 100% blind obedience though because there are exceptions to every rule and a good parent or teacher knows when to let up a little.
When we talk about spanking, are we talking about a few swats to the butt with your hand? What age does that stop?
Or are we talking about being beat with belts, and hangers?
You just answered your own question
Notice how the first question has the word spank, and the second has the word "beat".
Which takes me back to my original statement. Just cuz you dont spank your kids, doesnt mean everyone else is abusing theirs. Its obvious by this thread, that 99.999999999999% of you have NO idea of the difference between spank,beat and abuse. So you just put them all together.
Its obvious by this thread, that 99.999999999999% of you have NO idea of the difference between spank,beat and abuse. So you just put them all together.
It's not whether we can tell the difference, it's whether the child can tell you the difference. I'd love you to go and ask your preschooler what the difference is between you hitting them when they do something you don't like and them hitting someone when they do something they don't like.
Notice how the first question has the word spank, and the second has the word "beat".
Which takes me back to my original statement. Just cuz you dont spank your kids, doesnt mean everyone else is abusing theirs. Its obvious by this thread, that 99.999999999999% of you have NO idea of the difference between spank,beat and abuse. So you just put them all together.
I used the word beat because I associated it with belt beatings.
I used the word spanking for a few swats to the butt.
Another scary type of discipline occurs (or used to anyway) in some military families where the father has been strictly trained and expects his kids to endure the same. I'm not putting military families down at all, just saying that the danger is there because the parents (usually the father) have learned that violence is the best method.
I'd like to know where you got that from. I have military in my family and my DH is a vet. He walked away from combat after his TOD and swore he'd seen enough violence. As did my father and my brothers. All combat vets. None of them spanked. Or hit. Or used violence as discipline. None of the vets I know use violence as a "method". (And these aren't men who spent their two years behind a desk.)
Most of them had their fill and were sick to death of seeing what people were capable of doing to each other. The the last person they'd use violence against is their own child. Be strict with their children? Yes. Violence? Not happening.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 10-04-2012 at 08:53 PM..
This has nothing to do with politics. Plenty of us liberals are in favor of spanking.
This IS about some people who don't understand spanking and think it's child abuse.
I've said this many, many times, here and elsewhere, but it doesn't sink in with some people.
It's like having political Tourette's..."liberal" this and "commie" that and "relativist" the other.
You can't spank a child on the butt, with a few swats from a belt?
Why does belt=beating? Ive been spanked with a belt. Never been beat with one tho......
Spanking is taking your hand and not an object and hitting your child.
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