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Who in their right mind would think that's ok? I was spanked and my daughter has been too, but that should not be called spanking. What they are advocating sounds more like a severe beating or abuse.
The problem is that many people do not know how to discipline a child without spanking (as that is the only method modeled to them) & like someone else already pointed out the worst thing for a child is to have inconsistent forms of discipline or no discipline at all.
The people who say, "I was spanked & I turned out fine." You turned out fine except for the fact that you chose to discipline your child with spanking, versus equally effective methods that do not involve spanking. There are also studies on the self-esteem of children who were spanked vs. not spanked that do indicate that while temporarily effective, may not be in the best interests of children. You may think that's fine, but I say if there is a way to effectively discipline a child without physical force then there is no reason to defend spanking the way that some people do.
Why are you assuming everyone here who advocates spanking rejects all other forms of discipline? I think that not all actions call for spanking.
When we talk about spanking, are we talking about a few swats to the butt with your hand? What age does that stop?
Or are we talking about being beat with belts, and hangers?
I was spanked with a belt by my dad and only a hand by my mom. I prefer just using my bare hand and only one or two quick swats. My daughter is 9 now and nearly as tall as me, so any kind of spanking isn't too effective anymore. It worked great when she was much younger, but now other things are better since she thinks and reasons differently now.
Who in their right mind would think that's ok? I was spanked and my daughter has been too, but that should not be called spanking. What they are advocating sounds more like a severe beating or abuse.
They call it discipline and spanking.. Just trying to show you how different people view these things.
Educated people tend to more gentle, patient and more willing to listen to the experts, like the American association of pediatrics, who recommens not using corporal punishment on children.
Those parents holding an advanced degree and who still hit their children are statistical deviants, and not part of this correlation.
Discipline means teaching. Remember Jesus had disciples (followers or students).
Regardless of the semantics, spanking is hitting. It is simply a particular form of hitting and many spankers don't actually agree on what it means. Some definitions limit it to striking especially on the buttocks with the open hand. Other definitions include striking on the buttocks with a flat object. Others include paddling in school. Some people want to spank on bare buttocks, others spank over the clothing.
Of course, children need discipline even in middle school and jr. high, but by that point even if you think spanking is a good thing, it would seem that other methods of discipline would work better and that spanking would not be something to use. Most of the people who do believe in spanking believe that kids from 2 to 7 are those who can benefit not younger or older children. Gunroe whose study was cited her, talks only about children who were spanked from age 2 to age 6.
If you still feel a need to use spanking after your child is at the age of reason, it would tell me that spanking had not worked to curb the behaviors you are spanking for.
One good book on raising children without spanking is Raising Your Spirited Child, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. This talks about the kids many parents think *need* to be spanked. They don't.
Let me clarify....I don't believe in spanking an infant or a small toddler and didn't spank my own daughter when she was that small. I DO believe that two year Olds know exactly what they are doing. They aren't very verbal so they bite, push and scratch a lot and need to learn to start using simple words like "no thank you" or "I don't like that!" They are still learning to touch their friends softly as they haven't developed the motor skill of slowing their arms down when they touch their friends. Something like that isn't grounds for spanking. Just showing them by example is good enough.
I think middle school and especially high school is way too old for spanking. I think there is a small crucial window where it's very important to employ some sort of firm, consistent discipline whether it's spanking or not or a healthy mix. They have to know there are consequences to their actions. If a parent spends their kids early years coddling their kid and thinking they are too cute to be in trouble, then those are usually the kids and parents we see on Dr. Phil saying "I can't control my kid and it's tearing our family apart".
They call it discipline and spanking.. Just trying to show you how different people view these things.
I see what you mean, but common sense should dictate that not everyone who Spanks does anything that crazy. Not all people who spank use that as their go to punishment. I try and match the discipline to the action and that is ususally more effective for us.
amen to your post! kids need structure and strict guidelines and when they don't get it they become frustrated and out of control. That's where their security lies, in the safety net in the form of self control. Being slapped made me resentful, but other disciplines, if consistent, worked wonders. We also need to quit giving out rewards for being alive. There's no difference between the winners and the losers, so why even try? I get it.
I personally don't have anything against spanking but I have a hard time doing it to my 19month old. I do, however, feel like it should be a last resort. I'm not judging your friend but do you think there could have been a better way of handling it?
As the "observer", we're in a pickle. Anybody watch What Would You Do? Do you want to be THAT person that doesn't say anything if you see someone hitting a child? Just saying. It could be a tv thing, the story goes on air and there you go as the gutless human being not saving a child from an abusive parent. I'm not saying your friend is being abusive but I just mean that I think that's what people's first reaction tend to be and some people feel inclined to step in.
Anybody watch What Would You Do? Do you want to be THAT person that doesn't say anything if you see someone hitting a child?
If the "hitting" seems to be a controlled punishment directed at the posterior, then yes.
Actually, I would probably say something--Good job!
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