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DewDropInn is right. They might just hate you. They could be simply jealous, because you have something they don't. Good news is, your kids have mind on their own, so do not worry about your kids and what they think. You are the MOM, not matter who likes you or not.
My kid was told all kinds of crap about me when I divorced his dad; but clearly, he loves me and has his own opinion. Children are like little adults you just have to treat them right and protect them from hating as much as you can. Another advise for you - KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS. Do yourself a favor, do not waste your emotions and don't let your inner peace to be disturbed because someone else has issues. What ever religion your in-laws are, they do not practice what they preach. Clearly hypocrite of them. YOU be better
I don't know that the "They arrive, I leave" is a good precedent to set. Are you sure that's the way that you want things to be? Is this the "normal" that you want your kids to get used to? You don't have to say anything negative about them, or they about you, for the kids to pick up on how you really feel about each other. And you're right, those would be some confusing messages for your kids.
Could you stand to be around them for one meal at a restaurant? Remember these are your husband's parents and your children's grandparents. Start small, see how things go and, who knows, maybe you'll find that they aren't so bad after all.
I think it's counter productive to force a relationship with the parents. This isn't about her. I'm sure the grandparents want a relationship with their grandchildren. Let them have that. It's not a good idea to say she has to be there as well. If she wants to not be around them then that's fine. It's not likemsheis taking the kids with them.
Actually,I think that there must be there must be some basic respect for the mother before there is a relationship with the children. If they hate they hate their daughter in law, that is bound to taint their relationship with their children.
She is the mother.It has to be about her. Adults do not have the right to have relationships with minor children except through their parents.
This is while as my children get older.I have resolved to take care to develop positive relationships with any person whothey take home to meet us.You never know which date might be your next child-in-law, and parent of your grandchildren.
Don't judge and be nice.
Actually,I think that there must be there must be some basic respect for the mother before there is a relationship with the children. If they hate they hate their daughter in law, that is bound to taint their relationship with their children.
Yes, and angry, disrespectful people tend to undermine. Which is not good.
That's why it's important to face this head on, deal with it and strike a compromise. It doesn't have to be all about hearts and roses at first. Respectful boundaries are what you need. Baby steps.
1) they shouldn't be staying in your house, they can stay in a hotel or motel. It needs to be clear they are being invited, as a visit, to your home. It isn't an extension of their place. This could help somewhat.
2) if they really are disrespectful to you, and you didn't do the same to them or some objectively provocational behavior, then its a no go. People don't get a pass just because "they are family". All end of unacceptable behavior, manipulation and emotional abuse is permitted due to that braindead mantra.
3) Sounds like you husband needs to man-up and stop being a kid also (I'm presuming he's over 18). His priorities should be the the kids and you before his parents.
As I've typed this I just read CSD610's post above. I agree.
Actually,I think that there must be there must be some basic respect for the mother before there is a relationship with the children. If they hate they hate their daughter in law, that is bound to taint their relationship with their children.
She is the mother.It has to be about her. Adults do not have the right to have relationships with minor children except through their parents.
This is while as my children get older.I have resolved to take care to develop positive relationships with any person whothey take home to meet us.You never know which date might be your next child-in-law, and parent of your grandchildren.
Don't judge and be nice.
No, it is not about her. Or shouldn't be, if she's being an adult about it. It's about the children, and that's where the focus needs to remain.
The parents are the gatekeepers here. Anyone who dislikes either of the parents is potentially psychologically damaging. I not believe any relative has a right to have a relationship with a child unless they can refrain from speaking badly about the child's parent.
If they can't -they are TOXIC. If they are warned and they can stop, then they were just trying to be annoying.
I warned a relative about this 16 yrs ago and explained firmly the consequences. No trash talking -or no relationship.
As a same person, he took the latter option. Case closed.
When my husband and I first got together, they were welcoming. The day we told them that we were planning to get engaged and celebrate both sets of holidays with our furure kids, you would have thought I killed them. Instead of being mad and disappointed with their son for choosing a woman outside of their religion, they hated me, blamed me, couldn't believe I wouldn't convert, etc. They are not religious at all, so it made no sense.
They were on the phone screaming at my husband when we went to get our marriage license a month before our wedding.
The relationship was beyond repair from the beginning.
When my husband and I first got together, they were welcoming. The day we told them that we were planning to get engaged and celebrate both sets of holidays with our furure kids, you would have thought I killed them. Instead of being mad and disappointed with their son for choosing a woman outside of their religion, they hated me, blamed me, couldn't believe I wouldn't convert, etc. They are not religious at all, so it made no sense.
They were on the phone screaming at my husband when we went to get our marriage license a month before our wedding.
The relationship was beyond repair from the beginning.
Fair enough if you can stop them from seeing the children because you know how they are then great. Sometimes you can't and in that case avoid them. If they're coming over. Just leave and come back when they leave. You don't have nor should you be forced to have a relationship with them.
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