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I think (and I am a woman) that this 'you can't hit a girl' thing sends several really stupid and damaging messages to both the little girls and little boys.
The message should be that you don't hit anyone, period, unless it's a last resort.
I guarantee you that if some little girl marks up my son and no adult is willing to intervene on his behalf, I will absolutely tell him to smack the living sh** out of her.
I totally agree!
I grew up with six brothers. I hit them, they hit me back. My mom never, ever told them it is wrong to hit a girl if she hits you first. I picked on my brothers and gave as good as I got.
We were told not to hit, but it is unreasonable to expect all kids to keep their hands to themselves at all times.
My son is almost 30 and would not think of harming anyone. However, he was told as a young child that if anyone - male or female - started physically abusing him, then he was NOT to stand there and take it, but fight back.
I'm sure he hit the girls I babysat. I know he bit a two year old girl - often... until I bit him back and that cured that!
I am going to disagree with everyone. I don't think the best advice was given. What I would have told him is to keep away from her if possible. If that does not work, then he can grab her hands and/or arms if she tries to scratch or pinch him and say loudly "stop pinching/scratching me NOW." I think it is best to teach kids first to respond without physical force, like you did by telling the teacher. If this doesn't work, then there are other steps you can take other than telling a boy to hit someone. I think it is best to teach kids to try to control situations in ways other than lashing out.
Two little four year olds? Absolutely, hit back, and make sure it's hard enough to teach her a lesson. You and your son went though all the correct motions, telling the teacher, telling the kid, etc. Hitting should be a last resort, but he has every right to defend himself, and no one has the right to put their hands on him, male or female.
Now if he were 6'3" hitting a 5'4" woman like that, it's different. Only because he is going to do her a lot of damage by hitting her. But hopefully a 5'4" woman would know better than to start something with someone twice her size. Two four year old children are on equal ground, and all kids need to know what could happen when they pick on other kids.
I agree. Four years old - if no one is going to stand up for you (teacher) - then defend yourself.
I went through this when my son was little - his cousin (female and one year younger) could DO anything to him and the entire family would just tell him . . 'don't hit a girl; you never hit a girl."
Excuse me ~ but sometimes you do when you are just little and getting pummeled by the girl.
A 4 year old is not a man. I know a 4 year old little boy, at that age they can't grasp the concept of being a "man" and take the higher road.
Walking away should be the first response, whether a child or a man (or a woman) . Second, tell someone. If it happens again, defend yourself.
It's not a matter of taking the high road. It's a matter of removing ones self from a potentially bad situation. I think everyone should be taught that. Taking those steps at an early age prevents a child from becoming a victim.
"Your son should be taught to run away. Not to hit anybody"
With all respect, WHAT world do you live in?
He'll be running his whole life, and that's not happening. He shouldn't hit people. But if someone hits him, they should be ready to handle the consequence. My son packs a good little punch.
Nobody should run away from anyone honestly. That's why these kids are all killing themselves. No one taught them how to stick up for themselves.
Haven't heard anything else from him about her. They probably are best friends now lol.
I'm teaching him to defend himself.
Most kids who get bullied, get bullied because they're scared to fight back. If you fight a bully(even if you lose), most likely they'll never bother you again. Why? Because now they know you're not afraid to stand your ground. So that takes the fun out of bullying you.
I wanted to make this thread last week, got caught up in the hurricane hoopla.
Really, hear me out.
I have a 4yr old boy. We all know how boys can get. And I like many other parents, tell me son to keep his hands to himself. BUT,if someone hit you, then hit them back.
Except for girls. Yea it sexist, but that's how it is in this society. I tell him if a girl bothers you, or hits you, tell the teacher. You never hit a girl.
This is the situation though. For about 2 weeks, my son tells me a girl in his class is pinching him. I told him to tell the teacher the next day. Apparently he told the teacher, but the girl is still pinching him. So when I dropped him to school, I told the teacher about it. She said she'll speak to the little girl and her mother.
Fast forward a few days, I pick up my son. He has SCRATCHES on his face. At this point, the mama bear comes out of me. OH NO!!! Im LIVID. I send my son to school with a beautful face, I expect him to come home with one. At this point, the "she's a girl" flew out the window. I told him if she touches him again to hit her back.
Long story short, the little girl has a busted lip courtesy of my son. The teacher called me upset that my son hit a girl. Excuse Me? How many times have I told you that this child is bothering my son? Yes I teach my son not to hit girls. I also teach him that he WiLL defend himself against ANYBODY,if he has too.
Was I wrong?
Technically, yes, but only technically. I guess you might have made a bigger stink about it before telling your son to hit her, but at the same time if the schools can't protect kids I think they do need to be able to stand up for themselves. It's a no-win situation. Schools don't stop bullying, but they punish those who fight back. At that age it doesn't matter if she's a girl - there is little physical difference in terms of size and strength. A bully is a bully.
It's funny really that in the 60's, kids fought. They hit one another and then the feud was over. Maybe a boy hit a girl or a girl hit a boy. No one ended up bringing a knife to school or other weapon. Everyone didn't need to be medicated to be happy or sleep at night, especially the kids. The boy was not being taught violence, he was told to defend himself. Defend himself. I do not understand why that would be wrong. Since the school was negligent in caring for the well-being of the child, there was no choice. A lot of time they have little problem kids like that that attack and torture the other kids and it is easier to let it go because often the parent of that child is just as socially inappropriate and they would rather not deal with it. Had 2 boys, 1 brother and I worked at the school. Again, the child was defending himself.
What your son did was right and if he was my son I wouldve told him to deck her... no one deserves to be pinched etc over and over especially after they were told to stop.
One of my Gay friends told me once that he grew up learning that girls can do anything they want to boys, and boys can't retaliate. He decided, early-on, "I am not playin' that game!"
He never played that game at all. When the self-appointed finder of dates for ugly girls for Senior Prom called and tried to pressure him into attending, and taking some poor girl, he told Little Miss Busybody, "NO!".
He's never been on a date, never kissed a girl... And when the manipulative Southern Belles in his family try to wheedle him into "settling down with some nice girl from a good family... for companionship, you know...", he makes them very sorry they tried to control him. He's developed a set of verbal weapons that hurt as much as a fist. "The last thing on Earth I want to do is become a meal ticket for some fat, ugly, neurotic little piece of dirt who needs to go off and kill her pathetic self. I do not need another stupid, manipulative female, trying to micromanage every breath I take. I had more than enough of that as a child."
Luckily, he's in a hyper-elite niche profession where there are very few women with whom he has to interact. I was looking through his CDs once, and there was not a single female recording artist. And no love songs. He's got a gym-toned body, and wears multi-thousand-Dollar suits...eight-hundred-Dollar Stefano Ricci shirts...three-hundred-Dollar ties... Waitresses hover and fawn over him at lunch, even though it should be obvious he's bristling from having them violate his personal space. They're ignoring everyone else at the table, practically begging him for... whatever... while he's red-faced and practically muttering death threats under his breath.
There were other factors, of course, but the prohibition against boys' defending themselves against girls is part of a whole system for the victimization of men in America. I think the fact that he got in trouble, over and over, for standing up to his aggressive sister and aggressive girls at school, was that extra something turning him into, not just a Homosexual, but a Woman Hater as well.
OP, that 'teacher' needs to be fired. Allowing battery against your Son, its effects compounded by her forbidding him to defend himself, may have had far deeper effects than anyone realizes. The things that happen to us as tots, though they end up shrouded by Infantile Amnesia, are the things which shape our psyches. As adults, we tend not to remember the very things which shaped our character (for better or for worse).
Sounds like the so-called 'teacher' has some man-hater tendencies of her own...
Good for you, for standing up for your kid!
Last edited by GrandviewGloria; 10-31-2012 at 09:47 PM..
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I send my son to school with a beautful face, I expect him to come home with one. At this point, the "she's a girl" flew out the window. I told him if she touches him again to hit her back.
