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I wanted to make this thread last week, got caught up in the hurricane hoopla.
Really, hear me out.
I have a 4yr old boy. We all know how boys can get. And I like many other parents, tell me son to keep his hands to himself. BUT,if someone hit you, then hit them back.
Except for girls. Yea it sexist, but that's how it is in this society. I tell him if a girl bothers you, or hits you, tell the teacher. You never hit a girl.
This is the situation though. For about 2 weeks, my son tells me a girl in his class is pinching him. I told him to tell the teacher the next day. Apparently he told the teacher, but the girl is still pinching him. So when I dropped him to school, I told the teacher about it. She said she'll speak to the little girl and her mother.
Fast forward a few days, I pick up my son. He has SCRATCHES on his face. At this point, the mama bear comes out of me. OH NO!!! Im LIVID. I send my son to school with a beautful face, I expect him to come home with one. At this point, the "she's a girl" flew out the window. I told him if she touches him again to hit her back.
Long story short, the little girl has a busted lip courtesy of my son. The teacher called me upset that my son hit a girl. Excuse Me? How many times have I told you that this child is bothering my son? Yes I teach my son not to hit girls. I also teach him that he WiLL defend himself against ANYBODY,if he has too.
I wanted to make this thread last week, got caught up in the hurricane hoopla.
Really, hear me out.
I have a 4yr old boy. We all know how boys can get. And I like many other parents, tell me son to keep his hands to himself. BUT,if someone hit you, then hit them back.
Except for girls. Yea it sexist, but that's how it is in this society. I tell him if a girl bothers you, or hits you, tell the teacher. You never hit a girl.
This is the situation though. For about 2 weeks, my son tells me a girl in his class is pinching him. I told him to tell the teacher the next day. Apparently he told the teacher, but the girl is still pinching him. So when I dropped him to school, I told the teacher about it. She said she'll speak to the little girl and her mother.
Fast forward a few days, I pick up my son. He has SCRATCHES on his face. At this point, the mama bear comes out of me. OH NO!!! Im LIVID. I send my son to school with a beautful face, I expect him to come home with one. At this point, the "she's a girl" flew out the window. I told him if she touches him again to hit her back.
Long story short, the little girl has a busted lip courtesy of my son. The teacher called me upset that my son hit a girl. Excuse Me? How many times have I told you that this child is bothering my son? Yes I teach my son not to hit girls. I also teach him that he WiLL defend himself against ANYBODY,if he has too.
Was I wrong?
I probably won't be popular either but I agree with you. At 4 years old, kids are still about equal.
All the proper steps were taken to avoid this.
It's really a case of how long did the teacher think you would let this go on?
Little boys need to be taught yes, you shouldn't hit a girl but you shouldn't let someone bully you either.
I would not have told my son it was ok to hit her back, but I also wouldn't be too upset with him if he did. The fault lies with the school, for not dealing with the little girl, and also for not separating the two children. Was this a private nursery school? If it was a public pre-k I'm surprised the girl wasn't suspended. Of course, if your son continues to hit back, there will come a day when he will risk suspension.
Tough call. I always told my boys they were never to hit a girl. I still think that's the best overall policy, but it's a stretch to expect a 4 yr old who is under attack not to defend himself.
I probably won't be popular either but I agree with you. At 4 years old, kids are still about equal.
All the proper steps were taken to avoid this.
It's really a case of how long did the teacher think you would let this go on?
Little boys need to be taught yes, you shouldn't hit a girl but you shouldn't let someone bully you either.
Bullies come in both genders and all ages.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie
I would not have told my son it was ok to hit her back, but I also wouldn't be too upset with him if he did. The fault lies with the school, for not dealing with the little girl, and also for not separating the two children. Was this a private nursery school? If it was a public pre-k I'm surprised the girl wasn't suspended. Of course, if your son continues to hit back, there will come a day when he will risk suspension.
Tough call. I always told my boys they were never to hit a girl. I still think that's the best overall policy, but it's a stretch to expect a 4 yr old who is under attack not to defend himself.
I'm not upset at all. Pinches are one thing. Scratching up my baby's face? Oh no. Mama don't play that!
And its a public school. I've never heard of kids that young being suspended though.
I have conflicting views on the story itself.
Your teaching your son that violence is an acceptable way to handle his problems. Which it isn't.
But, I guess I can agree that she was constantlly told to stop but she didn't.
Having said that....
I don't think that guys should go around hitting girls. BUT, if a girl is causing physical harm and continues to hit, scratch, kick, etc after repeatdly told to stop.
Then I think it's okay to hit a girl.
Sorry, unpopular I know. This is for small children, teenagers, and adults.
Not popular either but your son talked to the teacher, YOU talked to the teacher and nothing was done. I would have done the same thing, and did. Hopefully your son stopped a bully in the making in her tracks. Now, I would sit down and talk to him about how this was an extreme case and that he tried to solve it by talking to the teacher, you tried to solve it and nothing worked and it is not ok just to hit kids .
Just curious...how did the get along the next day?
Sometimes that's all it takes and they'll be best of friends after that.
Haven't heard anything else from him about her. They probably are best friends now lol.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chris123678
I have conflicting views on the story itself.
Your teaching your son that violence is an acceptable way to handle his problems. Which it isn't.
.
I'm teaching him to defend himself.
Most kids who get bullied, get bullied because they're scared to fight back. If you fight a bully(even if you lose), most likely they'll never bother you again. Why? Because now they know you're not afraid to stand your ground. So that takes the fun out of bullying you.
I think (and I am a woman) that this 'you can't hit a girl' thing sends several really stupid and damaging messages to both the little girls and little boys.
The message should be that you don't hit anyone, period, unless it's a last resort.
I guarantee you that if some little girl marks up my son and no adult is willing to intervene on his behalf, I will absolutely tell him to smack the living sh** out of her.
I'm on the band wagon with what everyone else has said.
My son was always on the small side but he was good at standing up for himself and his friends and everyone knew not to mess with him. That being said, his temper sometimes did get the best of him and he had a couple of in school suspensions when in elementary. It was usually between him and the same other boy and believe it or not, outside of the occasional non meeting of the minds we'll call it, they were friends.
He did have one incident with a girl. They were playing tether ball and she swung that ball at his head (he felt on purpose) and laughed at him when he got hurt. Well, he did it back (believe me, he got quite the talking to and also got in school suspension for that one).
Fast forward - he's now in college and had a formal ROTC dinner to attend. Guess who was his date.......
Sit down and talk with him so he'll know that it's generally not okay. To hit anyone. In your situation, you did all the right things in my opinion.
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I send my son to school with a beautful face, I expect him to come home with one. At this point, the "she's a girl" flew out the window. I told him if she touches him again to hit her back.
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