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One of my Gay friends told me once that he grew up learning that girls can do anything they want to boys, and boys can't retaliate. He decided, early-on, "I am not playin' that game!"
He never played that game at all. When the self-appointed finder of dates for ugly girls for Senior Prom called and tried to pressure him into attending, and taking some poor girl, he told Little Miss Busybody, "NO!".
He's never been on a date, never kissed a girl... And when the manipulative Southern Belles in his family try to wheedle him into "settling down with some nice girl from a good family... for companionship, you know...", he makes them very sorry they tried to control him. He's developed a set of verbal weapons that hurt as much as a fist. "The last thing on Earth I want to do is become a meal ticket for some fat, ugly, neurotic little piece of dirt who needs to go off and kill her pathetic self. I do not need another stupid, manipulative female, trying to micromanage every breath I take. I had more than enough of that as a child."
Luckily, he's in a hyper-elite niche profession where there are very few women with whom he has to interact. I was looking through his CDs once, and there was not a single female recording artist. And no love songs. He's got a gym-toned body, and wears multi-thousand-Dollar suits...eight-hundred-Dollar Stefano Ricci shirts...three-hundred-Dollar ties... Waitresses hover and fawn over him at lunch, even though it should be obvious he's bristling from having them violate his personal space. They're ignoring everyone else at the table, practically begging him for... whatever... while he's red-faced and practically muttering death threats under his breath.
There were other factors, of course, but the prohibition against boys' defending themselves against girls is part of a whole system for the victimization of men in America. I think the fact that he got in trouble, over and over, for standing up to his aggressive sister and aggressive girls at school, was that extra something turning him into, not just a Homosexual, but a Woman Hater as well.
OP, that 'teacher' needs to be fired. Allowing battery against your Son, its effects compounded by her forbidding him to defend himself, may have had far deeper effects than anyone realizes. The things that happen to us as tots, though they end up shrouded by Infantile Amnesia, are the things which shape our psyches. As adults, we tend not to remember the very things which shaped our character (for better or for worse).
Sounds like the so-called 'teacher' has some man-hater tendencies of her own...
Good for you, for standing up for your kid!
What? Besides the absurdity of thinking not being able to hit girls can cause homosexuality, how does this story even relate to a couple of 4 yr olds?
The OP has given no information on what steps the school has taken to discipline either child. Hopefully just the fact that the little boy fought back is enough to end the attacks. But, you've made the jump to accusing the teacher of being a man-hater who will forever scar this child's psyche? Good grief.
What? Besides the absurdity of thinking not being able to hit girls can cause homosexuality, how does this story even relate to a couple of 4 yr olds?
The OP has given no information on what steps the school has taken to discipline either child. Hopefully just the fact that the little boy fought back is enough to end the attacks. But, you've made the jump to accusing the teacher of being a man-hater who will forever scar this child's psyche? Good grief.
No, Mattie: we're talking about his not being allowed to defend himself against physical assaults. He was caught in a double-bind: being assaulted, and yet being forbidden to stop the assaults. Double-bind situations, if severe enough, and occurring over sustained periods of time, can be the root of psychosis. Small doses can lead to neuroses.
A person's character and preferences are definitely being formed at age 4. This is an age when we are highly impressionable/vulnerable/malleable. It's the age when we're beginning to map-out our world and form our identity. Here this poor kid is, with little understanding of, or experience with, the world, being brutalized by that little girl (demeaning/belittling/insulting in itself), and also being told he's a bad person for defending himself. His self-esteem is under assault, simultaneously, by two entities.
Yes. I'm making the jump, and saying this excuse for a 'teacher' is a sadist and a man-hater. Four-year-olds should not be put in sick situations like this.
Oh, and I described how a similar situation probablycontributed to my associate's homosexuality. He was placed in a double-bind similar to the one affecting the OP's tiny Son. It led him to see girls as dangerous predators best avoided. When he sees a pretty girl, he just sees a problem: something potentially vicious, checking-out his vulnerabilities. He doesn't want them up in his face. He doesn't want them breathing on his food.
But hopefully, the OP can extricate her tot from this situation, before permanent damage can be done to his psyche.
Last edited by GrandviewGloria; 10-31-2012 at 11:36 PM..
I wanted to make this thread last week, got caught up in the hurricane hoopla.
Really, hear me out.
I have a 4yr old boy. We all know how boys can get. And I like many other parents, tell me son to keep his hands to himself. BUT,if someone hit you, then hit them back.
Except for girls. Yea it sexist, but that's how it is in this society. I tell him if a girl bothers you, or hits you, tell the teacher. You never hit a girl.
This is the situation though. For about 2 weeks, my son tells me a girl in his class is pinching him. I told him to tell the teacher the next day. Apparently he told the teacher, but the girl is still pinching him. So when I dropped him to school, I told the teacher about it. She said she'll speak to the little girl and her mother.
Fast forward a few days, I pick up my son. He has SCRATCHES on his face. At this point, the mama bear comes out of me. OH NO!!! Im LIVID. I send my son to school with a beautful face, I expect him to come home with one. At this point, the "she's a girl" flew out the window. I told him if she touches him again to hit her back.
Long story short, the little girl has a busted lip courtesy of my son. The teacher called me upset that my son hit a girl. Excuse Me? How many times have I told you that this child is bothering my son? Yes I teach my son not to hit girls. I also teach him that he WiLL defend himself against ANYBODY,if he has too.
Was I wrong?
Yes, you were wrong. I don't believe anyone should be hitting anyone, not girl or boy. When children are allowed to use force in settling issues with others, they grow up continuing to think that is how they solve things. I am not saying I think it is ok to hit a boy back, but it is worse to hit a girl back if you are male. There are other ways to handle things.
The answer would be if she's about to kill you; carry on... Or if you get into a fight with her..... and you're driving i hope she's in the back seat cause she might scream "KILL US BOTH"
Yes, you were wrong. I don't believe anyone should be hitting anyone, not girl or boy. When children are allowed to use force in settling issues with others, they grow up continuing to think that is how they solve things. I am not saying I think it is ok to hit a boy back, but it is worse to hit a girl back if you are male. There are other ways to handle things.
I think she tried everything brokencrayola...At 4 years I think this little boy had every right to set this little girl right...that little girl needs to know she can't torment a little boy and get away with it just cause she's a girl, and he's a boy...At that age the gender of the child should not come into consideration.
I don't think you were wrong. Many of us have had to go the same route. Many years ago, I let one of my sons know that if everything else failed, he had the right to protect himself. He was let known what steps he needed to take first, when that didn't work, I spoke with the teacher. It still didn't stop, so I gave my son some "options" to try, in order to defend himself against this little monster girl and it worked. He was sent to the office for a "talking to", but she never hurt him again. This girl was a monster.....actually left a piece of pencil lead in my son's arm! He was not her only victim. You do what you have to, to protect your kids....and you teach them to defend themselves, when all else fails.
No, Mattie: we're talking about his not being allowed to defend himself against physical assaults. He was caught in a double-bind: being assaulted, and yet being forbidden to stop the assaults. Double-bind situations, if severe enough, and occurring over sustained periods of time, can be the root of psychosis. Small doses can lead to neuroses.
But he did defend himself, and was encouraged to do so by his parents, so your incoherent diatribe is moot (not to mention disturbing).
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrandviewGloria
Oh, and I described how a similar situation probablycontributed to my associate's homosexuality. He was placed in a double-bind similar to the one affecting the OP's tiny Son. It led him to see girls as dangerous predators best avoided. When he sees a pretty girl, he just sees a problem: something potentially vicious, checking-out his vulnerabilities. He doesn't want them up in his face. He doesn't want them breathing on his food.
Your friend sounds like he has issues, none of which are related to the fact that he was born gay.
But he did defend himself, and was encouraged to do so by his parents, so your incoherent diatribe is moot (not to mention disturbing).
Your friend sounds like he has issues, none of which are related to the fact that he was born gay.
no no no silly.....his being made to be nice to girls is what made him gay!
Maybe if his parents had JUST let him wack the little girl when he was a toddler, today he'd be straight!
(please peeps read the sarcasm, I'm too delicate to be slammed lol)
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I send my son to school with a beautful face, I expect him to come home with one. At this point, the "she's a girl" flew out the window. I told him if she touches him again to hit her back.
