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Thanks, all! That article came to mind again because I was walking past people waiting to go in and be seated at Red Lobster on my way to a burger place. The little kid wouldn't stop jumping around, shouting and singing at the top of his lungs, nothing unusual, but it was making a scene before they even got inside.
The mom kept grabbing his hand telling him to stop but he would ignore it. The older sister said, "I told you not to bring him. He could have stayed at nanas house". Then I flashbacked to that article and wondered again how parents feel about that issue of behavior as far as taking their kids into certain places depending on what they expect.
I agree that kids are unpredictable, but I do think there are some parents out there that don't prepare properly and expect their kids to behave like adults.
If your kid fidgets at a restaurant because he's done with his food before you are, then why not BRING some things to entertain them? A coloring book, a book to read, a small toy, etc.
BUT IMO there are restaurants you don't see kids at. Usually the higher end places that cost a lot don't have children... These people don't want to see kids, then go spend "all" that "extra" money you have and go there
My 3.5 year old sucks at restaurants, he can't sit still, so I leave him at home. I don't think it's right to disturb restaurants, I think people have a reasonable expectation of decent behaviour.
Thank you! While there are clearly restaurants that are fine to bring noisy cranky kids, such as Fast food, and places such as Chilis, Soup plantation, etc. there ARE nicer places where patrons shouldnt have to wear ear muffs from alot of crying and screaming. I really admire parents who actually care enough about their kids to call them on bad behavior and teach them how to behave, because it seems like its more commonplace nowdays for alot of parents to sit there looking unaware while their kids run, scream and climb around in even some nicer restaurants.
I wouldn't take my toddler to a fancy restaurant but I take her everywhere else I go, she's gotta learn how to behave in public somehow and she won't learn that sitting at home. But I do avoid places where peace and quiet is expected (with the exception of the library, I do take her there occasionally but she's good as gold in there) because she has a very loud voice (especially when singing, you can hear her on the other end of the supermarket!).
Of course some kids are noisier than others. People, even young ones have varying personalities. Some cry more often, louder, etc.
As for being "bad", unfortunately, same thing applies. All traits occur on a spectrum, so yes, if there is a good end there is a bad one too.
Not all of the acting out in a restaurant is due to nurture issues. For example, my daughter has never acted up at a restaurant in her life but my sister would have the occasional meltdown. Kids are different.
Some people make this so hard and it really isn't. What it takes are parents who teach their kids right from wrong right from the beginning, and part of that is that there are places you simply do not behave badly.
Even when my twin Sons were 6 months old I remember taking them by myself into a restaurant (my Wife worked night shifts as a nurse, so I had them during some mornings alone) and putting them in their little car seats at the table. They would sit there and quietly eat their food, and waitresses would come up and say "What have you done to these kids ? They are so well behaved !" I really didn't have an answer, but it was just that they were EXPECTED to be that way, so they did.
Years later, my GF and I would take her Grandkids to the movies and restaurants and one of the three was a little more restless than the other two. When he started acting up I would quietly take him by the hand and go outside and sit with him and tell him we weren't going back inside until he decided to behave like his Brother and Sister. He would settle down and agree that he would and we then went back inside. He realized he was missing the movie by acting that way, so he found it better to behave than to not behave.
I think some people feel they are doing their kids an injustice by reprimanding them and making them behave, but I feel just the opposite. If they do not get control over them when they are very young they will be the ones wondering why their kids are a problem when they are in their teens. It is way too late then to try to teach them right from wrong.
If they do not get control over them when they are very young they will be the ones wondering why their kids are a problem when they are in their teens. It is way too late then to try to teach them right from wrong.
Don
There is an enormous difference between getting control over someone and teaching them to control themselves. Parents should be aiming for the latter so that when the kids are teens they know how to control themselves. It's easy to get control over a 3 year old. It's hard to teach them to control themselves.
Just curious how you all feel about it and how you handle it, especially if you know your kids are particularly unruly? Are there places you simply won't take them or do you just hope that people will be understanding? Do you feel badly when your kids are disturbing others or do you just take it as it is?
My kids aren't unruly, and I can't remember ever taking them somewhere they were out of place, like a fancy restaurant or anything like that. They had their (very) infrequent tantrums, which we dealt with as best we could. It's tricky. If a child has a meltdown in Target because you won't buy him gummy bears, leaving the store reinforces the idea that tantrums win and giving in so he'll stop crying is even worse. Dragging him into the bathroom for a spanking ... I don't know how that stops the noise. Seems counter-intuitive to me. Distraction and redirection sometimes work.
The only times I can recall that we have had significant problems were with our daughter, who is disabled. I can tuck a toddler under my arm and march out of a store. There is nothing I can do with a flailing teenager who does not want to leave the store until she gets what she wants. At best, people mind their own business; someone has tried to help probably less than five times in 15 years. Sometimes we get dirty looks or little comments. There will always be people who don't recognize her issues or believe (and say) that all she needs is a good spanking. Her episodes are very rare now. I know what can trigger them, like running out of time doing errands and not following the schedule she wanted, so I try to avoid those situations. But sometimes she and her brother with argue over something and she will get upset. Although we discourage her brother from teasing her, she has to learn to cope with her feelings and manage them. We can't tiptoe around her in fear that she will freak out about something; that teaches her nothing good.
There is an enormous difference between getting control over someone and teaching them to control themselves. Parents should be aiming for the latter so that when the kids are teens they know how to control themselves. It's easy to get control over a 3 year old. It's hard to teach them to control themselves.
This is exactly the problem I have with my 3 year old, who is currently undergoing evaluations for ADHD (at the doctor's request). He cannot sit still for more than 5 seconds, and I am not exaggerating. It is shocking to see him with a group his own age, he is physically incapable of it. I have had to wrestle him down a few times at essential public appointments (doctor, for example). Those who think it is so easy as to just "make him do it" have conceded defeat, after I have offered to let them try, including my father-in-law who lives with us.
Besides, my other kid is normal. Some kids truly struggle with impulse control, so, I just don't go to restaurants until he is old enough to behave. We rarely go out to eat (it's very expensive here), so I am not going to waste my precious nights out with that anyways!
Even when my twin Sons were 6 months old I remember taking them by myself into a restaurant (my Wife worked night shifts as a nurse, so I had them during some mornings alone) and putting them in their little car seats at the table. They would sit there and quietly eat their food, and waitresses would come up and say "What have you done to these kids ? They are so well behaved !" I really didn't have an answer, but it was just that they were EXPECTED to be that way, so they did.
Sorry Don, but I think it's been a long time since you've had a six month old. Six month olds don't have the mental capability to act properly in public because their parents expect them to have manners. They have barely learned object permanence. My six month olds have always behaved well in public because you could put a cat hair ball in front of them and it would be entertaining enough.
Six years, sure, but six months - there is nothing unique about them sitting in a high chair and eating food quietly.
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