The post I never wanted to make but knew I would (divorce, diapers)
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No they haven't found an apartment yet. At least not one they can afford. They have to be looking in the wrong places. She says they looked into a trailer park and that rents were between $600-$1000/month not counting the lot rent. That seems really high for a trailer park. I'm pretty sure you can rent a house in our neighborhood for $1000 a month with no lot rent. Of course the utilities would be higher.
She's lying to you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
Dd asked today that we let her and dbf set up an apartment for themselves in the basement and they'll pay us rent until they find something. The only surprising thing about their request is they offered to pay rent.
She's lying to you.
Do not fall for this crap. She is telling you whatever she thinks will help HER agenda, which is to get back into your house and not have to do squat.
Stand firm. Make her PROVE to you how grown up she is by being an adult and getting her own place.
Basement is a bad idea. You will have more control if you help them out with their own apartment. You may pay through the nose for it, but you will not be put in the situation of having to evict your daughter and grandchild. That would rupture your family.
I wonder why the op isn't helping her daughter through the process? I fully understand that she doesn't want the daughter back in her house but she could guide her in finding her first apartment. Help her search online and go with her to check places out and give her some guidance as to a realistic rental budget based on their income.
I don't know the back story to all of this but I do know situations similar. My friends son got his gf pregnant. She was sort of the family screw up and was moving around living with different relatives, partying too much, etc. during high school and immediately after when the pregnancy happened. Her family basically tough loved her and booted her out in an attempt to either have an abortion or give up the child, but she wouldn't. They KNEW she had problems and knew the game she was playing.
My friend took her in and for a couple years that's where she lived, even though she and the boy weren't getting along and eventually broke up. She told my friend that once she had the baby her family wouldn't turn their backs on her and she would be taken care of and she was right. Once that kid was a year old one of the grandmas BOUGHT her a condo and got her a job at her company making more than most college graduates make. Oh, and her new boyfriend gets to live with her too.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this but there's got to be a lesson there somewhere.
Well, one thing is for sure - you can't build someone else's character. She will either sink or swim but in the long run, it depends on HER character - not all the things that other people can throw at her.
It may be possible to rent something out in the ghetto for less, but interestingly, my friends back home have told me rents are increasing.....When I started college in 2006 you could rent a 1 bedroom for less than $500 in some areas (inkster, garden city, westland) which granted weren't super nice but were doable, even the inkster ones were on the border of dearborn heights which is at least a little safer. the GC and Westland ones were in perfectly safe areas. Now the same complexes have jacked up the rent and when I did my search the ones that were charging $525-$550 in 2006 are charging $625...it's unbelievable because the "recovery" the area may have experienced (debatable, but I don't live there anymore, so I can't say for sure) doesn't justify the price hike.
Maybe they need to not look at complexes and look at large houses that have been split into apartments. I don't know the area, but here there are some areas that are very run down and have bad reputations but they are safe. Rent for a 2 bedroom in those areas is $700. Since Detroit's economy is terrible, it has to be cheaper there.
Just an FYI, it will be difficult to make ends with $700/month rent unless they earn more than the low 30k combined. When my girlfriend was divorced and lost her child support, I tried to help her figure out a budget to live on her income alone. She earned 32k. She didn't qualify for food stamps or energy assistance. There was no way for her to pay $700 plus utilities and adequately provide necessities for her family.
She had two children and we had budgeted of only $50/week for food (out of necessity), and even then she couldn't afford a cell phone ($35) and TV/internet ($60). She only had one cell phone. It was one of those prepay that only cost $35/month. I'm sure between the OP's daughter and boyfriend there are two. I couldn't get her to give up her TV/internet so she was always floating her bills and getting shut off notices. Even if she did get rid of TV/internet, $50/week wasn't enough for food, and there was no room in the budget for clothing, shoes, coats, medical copays, prescriptions, etc. If she could have had $200 more, she could have made ends meet. $500/month rent would have been doable on 32k, but it truly would have been just scraping by.
Comcast had a program that provides internet for $9.95/month and a computer to low income families with school-aged children who haven't had internet service for 90 days. I don't know if the program still exists or if it will still be available when the OP's grandchild starts school. Comcast offering $10 Internet for low-income families who qualify - TechBlog
The op's daughter and her boyfriend make close to $36K gross per year, according to the op. A general rule of thumb is to spend 1/3 of one's income (or less) on rent. So after taxes are deducted they should be fine paying up to $800 per month for rent.
The op's daughter and her boyfriend make close to $36K gross per year, according to the op. A general rule of thumb is to spend 1/3 of one's income (or less) on rent. So after taxes are deducted they should be fine paying up to $800 per month for rent.
with baby, diapers, formula, childcare (after a few months), bills??? They are not going to be fine.
Support her successes. Sympathize with her setbacks. Don't offer suggestions, solutions, or judgments. Just be in her corner during this difficult time.
She needs to figure this out. Not you. There are social service programs that can help her. Perhaps she needs to sign up for insurance through ACA. WIC can help meet nutritional needs for pregnant women. Etc. If she goes into any social services office, or Salvation Army, or Lutheran/Catholic Social Service agencies... there are people who will help her figure this out.
I agree with those who have posted about it being a poor idea to let her and the boyfriend move in. This will only postpone dealing with problems, not solve them.
Good luck.
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