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Neither of us wants to go back to here doing nothing and expecting everyone else to take care of her and that's what we're afraid will happen if she comes back home. He's in favor of them getting their own place. Honestly, we'd have to spend $4k to set up an apartment for them in the basement as they requested. We need an egress window and a fire door. We really don't have room for them. This house was crowded with two adults and two teenagers. Even if it were what we wanted, I don't see it happening. That's a lot of money to us.
Ivory, i think too much has been happening too fast. I think its better to let the matter rest and talk about this in another 3-4 days with DH and see what he really thinks and see what you really think and see what your DD really thinks. You both want the best for the baby (you said it repeatedly). But letting her stay alone with her BF...is that in the best interest of the baby? I am not 100% sure.
Like I said, maybe a realtor can help you find some good deals around your area.
Dont rush, give it another week and think with a fresh mind. There is an answer tailor made for every problem.You will find the answer, just think calmly.
Good luck.
That you is society. As a society, we have to take care of children whose parents cannot or won't take care of them.
And it looks like YOUR child will be depending on the taxpayers because you, as a parent, cannot or will not take care of her.
You're welcome. Hopefully, she'll be off the streets and in a decent place soon and she can concentrate on eating well and getting proper nutrition for the baby. I'm willing to do that as a taxpayer. Yep. I'm willing to pitch in as a citizen and help the expectant mother who has a mother who has a list of excuses for why she can't help her own daughter beyond looking up "Welfare" on-line.
I and many others here have explained why this cannot happen. You are choosing to ignore dd's history and that cannot be ignored.
You might find this hard to believe oh omnipotent one but I actually know my financial situation better than you do. If this choice were up to me my dd would not be applying for welfare. This baby would be going to a family that can afford it. It's not up to me. Therefore I'm not the one deciding that she'll be on welfare, she is. As I said I'm not proud of where she's landed. No parent would be but the baby needs to be cared for. At least she's doing what she can to support her child by working. There are many who won't do that much.
I don't think you get what I mean by parents being "too poor" to help. I'm talking about parents who are "on the dole" themselves and who live in a tiny apartment so they really don't have any room to take in family when family needs help.
You have your reasons for not allowing your daughter back into your home and you have the right to make that decision for yourself and your family. All I'm hoping for in saying this is that you will be honest with yourself about the situation. Good luck.
Yes it is going to be rough. I'm not sure what can be done about that. With him working two jobs, he won't be able to help her with the baby. I wish things were different with her. Staying here would mean she'd have her father around to help out (he's retired) but I really think that's a bad choice.
You're right on passive women. It should not be surprising that she's picked up someone who makes the decisions for her. When we took them out for her birthday, I was surprised to see him order for her. I hope she doesn't wake up one day and think that she let someone else control her life but she probably will.
I have occasionally seen that happen in movies, or a parent ordering for a young child, but in my entire 62 years I have never, ever seen a grown woman actually let a BF or husband order her meal for her. And, it was her birthday meal makes it even scarier.
But when is your daughter going to sleep, if she's working the night shift and caring for the baby during the day? That will be rough.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
Yes it is going to be rough. I'm not sure what can be done about that. With him working two jobs, he won't be able to help her with the baby. I wish things were different with her.
It's going to be more than rough. It's not fair to the child to have a parent sleeping instead of supervising and interacting with it during the day. My neighbors do this and their children sit in front of the TV all day. 6 year olds are watching toddlers while the parent who works night shift is sleeping. Those kids are only outside playing in the yard once a week. It's really sad.
I and many others here have explained why this cannot happen. You are choosing to ignore dd's history and that cannot be ignored.
You might find this hard to believe oh omnipotent one but I actually know my financial situation better than you do. If this choice were up to me my dd would not be applying for welfare. This baby would be going to a family that can afford it. It's not up to me. Therefore I'm not the one deciding that she'll be on welfare, she is. As I said I'm not proud of where she's landed. No parent would be but the baby needs to be cared for. At least she's doing what she can to support her child by working. There are many who won't do that much.
I see. Well isn't that lucky for you. Lucky for you that there are systems in place so your husband (retired) doesn't have to go back to work, you don't have to welcome her back in to the home when it might not be best for her or the rest of your family, you can still put your other child in school, and you won't have to go bankrupt paying for the inevitable c section.
You need to thank every godless liberal that kept these safety nets in place where you would have seen them taken away. You're welcome.
I see. Well isn't that lucky for you. Lucky for you that there are systems in place so your husband (retired) doesn't have to go back to work, you don't have to welcome her back in to the home when it might not be best for her or the rest of your family, you can still put your other child in school, and you won't have to go bankrupt paying for the inevitable c section.
You need to thank every godless liberal that kept these safety nets in place where you would have seen them taken away. You're welcome.
And, as recently as a couple of hours ago, Ivory was still joining in on the anti-Obama bashing on POC.
Youngest daughter gets $1000/month in SS benefits, does she not? Let her put herself through school.
You may call those that need welfare stupid. In your case, it's pure karma. I apologize in advance for not offering sympathy and constructive criticism, but it's been shown post after post, you aren't interested in any advice that requires you to do some self-examination and soul searching.
Yes, I will remember that stupid decisions lead to the need for welfare.
Wow. I was working my butt off six days a week to save money for school. On my way home from work a drunk caused a crash on the highway that made the car I was a passenger in, to flip. I was ejected fifty feet. It was investigated as a fatal car crash because they didn't think I'd make it.. After five days in a coma I pulled through. I had collapsed lungs, a 5/6 liver laceration (1 is minor and 6 is unsurvivable), I was literally scalped with my face peeled off the bone, skull fracture that was visible due to the scalping, brain swelling, chest ripped open and hanging over my breast only two inches from my heart, and severe road rash over half my body (imagine rug burn only instead of rubbed on a carpet it was by hitting the asphalt at 60 MPH).
I spent a month in the hospital, another month at a rehab hospital relearning everything, and when I got home needed a home care nurse to change my bandages and a physical therapist for home PT. I also found out I was pregnant two months after. The hospital test was negative when admitted because it was too early.
I had to get on welfare. Was it because I was dumb or stupid? I had worked almost everyday since I had been allowed to work (15). I'm tired of people thinking all welfare recipients are trying to scam the system or lazy and stupid. Some of us are hardworking people who suffered illness, injury, etc that left us unable to work. I was on welfare for around a year. Now, three years later I own my own house, a decent car, and have some savings put away. Not once have I spent a dime in all these years on "luxury goods" or partying, another stereotype of welfare recipients. Now that my daughter is starting school in the fall I am going to go back also and get my EMT certification. I was pre-med at a large university before all this but now have to change my life plans. I can always go back after finding a job where the employer will help pay. Baby's change people's lives, so do accidents. But to lump all people who end up needing help as all "stupid" is incredibly ignorant and nescient of reality.
I live in a different city and here, their income would be too high to receive child care assistance from the government. The United Way also offers assistance and with more flexibility on their income requirements. And in some cases, having the baby go to daycare 5 days a week is better for the baby. He or she will be exposed to a bunch of cooties but they will also be in the hands of trained individuals for a good chunk of time. This could also allow your daughter to pursue any education she may be able to use to better support her child.
I had to get on welfare. Was it because I was dumb or stupid?
Wow. You sure know how to take a statement out of context. Did you decide to get in that accident?
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If this choice were up to me my dd would not be applying for welfare. This baby would be going to a family that can afford it. It's not up to me. Therefore I'm not the one deciding that she'll be on welfare, she is. As I said I'm not proud of where she's landed. No parent would be but the baby needs to be cared for. At least she's doing what she can to support her child by working. There are many who won't do that much.
I was working my butt off six days a week to save money for school. On my way home from work a drunk caused a crash on the highway that made the car I was a passenger in, to flip. I was ejected fifty feet. It was investigated as a fatal car crash because they didn't think I'd make it.. After five days in a coma I pulled through. I had collapsed lungs, a 5/6 liver laceration (1 is minor and 6 is unsurvivable), I was literally scalped with my face peeled off the bone, skull fracture that was visible due to the scalping, brain swelling, chest ripped open and hanging over my breast only two inches from my heart, and severe road rash over half my body (imagine rug burn only instead of rubbed on a carpet it was by hitting the asphalt at 60 MPH). 
Childcare expenses
