The post I never wanted to make but knew I would (adult, family)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The op's daughter and her boyfriend make close to $36K gross per year, according to the op. A general rule of thumb is to spend 1/3 of one's income (or less) on rent. So after taxes are deducted they should be fine paying up to $800 per month for rent.
The general rule of thumb doesn't mean squat for lower income households. 1/3 of my girlfriend's salary was $888. She didn't even have childcare expenses in her budget because he children were teenagers, and she couldn't make ends meet for necessities.
The OP's daughter should pay as little as possible on housing. They are just starting out and don't have experience with this responsibility. Since she has never worked a day in her life, there's no guarantee she'll be able to hold down a job at first until she learns the hard way that the world doesn't revolve around her. They also have childcare expenses. They won't qualify for food stamps, energy assistance, subsidized housing, or childcare assistance. (They can't make over $1,607 per month gross to qualify for childcare assistance.)
If they pay $800/month for rent, they're not going to be fine unless the boyfriend's mother is able to watch the baby for free, but she might have a job herself. I'm not trying to be doom and gloom. I know they can pull this off, but they need to realistic about what they can afford for housing. Since they don't have the details worked out regarding childcare expenses and other things, the less money they pay for housing starting out--the better chance they'll have at succeeding.
The general rule of thumb doesn't mean squat for lower income households. 1/3 of my girlfriend's salary was $888. She didn't even have childcare expenses in her budget because he children were teenagers, and she couldn't make ends meet for necessities.
The OP's daughter should pay as little as possible on housing. They are just starting out and don't have experience with this responsibility. Since she has never worked a day in her life, there's no guarantee she'll be able to hold down a job at first until she learns the hard way that the world doesn't revolve around her. They also have childcare expenses. They won't qualify for food stamps, energy assistance, subsidized housing, or childcare assistance. (They can't make over $1,607 per month gross to qualify for childcare assistance.)
If they pay $800/month for rent, they're not going to be fine unless the boyfriend's mother is able to watch the baby for free, but she might have a job herself. I'm not trying to be doom and gloom. I know they can pull this off, but they need to realistic about what they can afford for housing. Since they don't have the details worked out regarding childcare expenses and other things, the less money they pay for housing starting out--the better chance they'll have at succeeding.
Of course less would be better but if they can't find anything for less then $800 would be the absolute max and people have done it with less income. Not easy and they would have to get creative with childcare (working opposite shifts) and be responsible and on the same team to make it work but it's not impossible.
The interesting thing is that while we are trying to come up with ideas to help the op, our advice seems to fall on deaf ears as it doesn't sound like the op is even providing any guidance as to help her daughter find an apartment. She doesn't seem to hear us when we tell her that her daughter won't qualify for most assistance.
Last edited by MissTerri; 06-26-2014 at 10:12 AM..
but if ivory doesnt let the BF move in, we are now looking at the rent money from ivory's DD alone; I doubt BF would be paying for the girlfriend when he is not even staying with her.
We know the girl cant afford that alone.
I don't think she should live with her BF whether or not she lives with Ivory. Yes, it will be more expensive. However, the (very) likely breakup would probably be worse and then they'd likely have issues regarding breaking a lease, etc. (if they're not living with Ivory or his parents). And he has a history of being violent.
Obviously he should be required to help support his child and he has a right to file for custody. With his history of violence I don't think he should have the kid living with him, but then again I'm not sure a girl with no empathy should be raising a child either. What a bad situation.
The interesting thing is that while we are trying to come up with ideas to help the op, our advice seems to fall on deaf ears as it doesn't sound like the op is even providing any guidance as to help her daughter find an apartment. She doesn't seem to hear us when we tell her that her daughter won't qualify for most assistance.
Very common with OP. She doesn't seem to pay attention to advice she's given but keeps asking for more.
And she's also quite hypocritical in general - in previous threads she's opposed welfare and touted families helping each other out. LOL. But, when it comes to her own daughter, she won't help - she just wants everyone else to.
She wants her daughter as much on the dole as possible, milking the system, while she does nothing and accepts no responsibility for the situation. She would be less likely to have this problem if she had done things differently.
Very common with OP. She doesn't seem to pay attention to advice she's given but keeps asking for more.
And she's also quite hypocritical in general - in previous threads she's opposed welfare and touted families helping each other out. LOL. But, when it comes to her own daughter, she won't help - she just wants everyone else to.
She wants her daughter as much on the dole as possible, milking the system, while she does nothing and accepts no responsibility for the situation. She would be less likely to have this problem if she had done things differently.
And just how is this post helpful to either the OP or her daughter or the baby? How about some constructive criticism which will be more likely to be "heard", rather than negative criticism which serves no useful purpose at all?
The general rule of thumb doesn't mean squat for lower income households. 1/3 of my girlfriend's salary was $888. She didn't even have childcare expenses in her budget because he children were teenagers, and she couldn't make ends meet for necessities.
The OP's daughter should pay as little as possible on housing. They are just starting out and don't have experience with this responsibility. Since she has never worked a day in her life, there's no guarantee she'll be able to hold down a job at first until she learns the hard way that the world doesn't revolve around her. They also have childcare expenses. They won't qualify for food stamps, energy assistance, subsidized housing, or childcare assistance. (They can't make over $1,607 per month gross to qualify for childcare assistance.)
If they pay $800/month for rent, they're not going to be fine unless the boyfriend's mother is able to watch the baby for free, but she might have a job herself. I'm not trying to be doom and gloom. I know they can pull this off, but they need to realistic about what they can afford for housing. Since they don't have the details worked out regarding childcare expenses and other things, the less money they pay for housing starting out--the better chance they'll have at succeeding.
Dd qualified for WIC. She'll qualify for subsidized housing and food stamps after the baby is born. WIC only considered her income. Everything else considers household income but they do it per capita so once the baby is here, that will lower the threshold for food stamps and a housing allowance. She'll also qualify for a program through Meijer stores once the baby is here for staple items (not sure if they're discounted or free). She and dbf spent most of the day yesterday and this morning figuring this out. I'm kind of surprised I didn't have to do it for them. Pleasantly surprised.
They still haven't found an apartment they can afford though. I think they're looking in the wrong places. Hopefully, one of the houses dbf's parents are inquiring about will work out.
And just how is this post helpful to either the OP or her daughter or the baby? How about some constructive criticism which will be more likely to be "heard", rather than negative criticism which serves no useful purpose at all?
The fact I ignore that which is not helpful does seem to **** some people off but that's their problem. I see no point in acknowledging some of the posts made here no matter how much poster's whine that I'm not taking their advice. You'd think they'd take a hint.
As to dd being on the dole, I'm not happy with that but it's not about her, it's about the baby. All things considered there is nothing else to do. I don't like it but it is what it is. I would have much preferred that she were in a better place in her life and had been responsible enough to wait until she could afford a baby when she had her first child but she isn't. Yes, it's irresponsible. Yes it's a lot of things but that doesn't change that there is now a baby to take care of. It's damage control time. This isn't about what I like or dislike WRT people using the system. It's about a baby who needs to be taken care of regardless how dumb its parents choices were. I have never once said I like dd being on welfare. I see it as necessary if this baby is going to be taken care of. I've been clear that my preference would be to give this baby up for adoption which avoids using the system at all but I don't think I'm getting my way here.
There is a difference in approving of something and seeing it as necessary. Some people don't get that. I don't approve but I don't see another way. I'm by no means proud that my dd landed herself in a position where she needs to go on welfare but she did.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 06-26-2014 at 11:40 AM..
I don't think she should live with her BF whether or not she lives with Ivory. Yes, it will be more expensive. However, the (very) likely breakup would probably be worse and then they'd likely have issues regarding breaking a lease, etc. (if they're not living with Ivory or his parents). And he has a history of being violent.
Obviously he should be required to help support his child and he has a right to file for custody. With his history of violence I don't think he should have the kid living with him, but then again I'm not sure a girl with no empathy should be raising a child either. What a bad situation.
Please note the history of violence is not with her (I really wish people would not pull things out of context from other threads.). I wouldn't want to cross him in a dark alley but I have no reason to believe he's ever even raised his voice to her. What I posted about before is a combination of him being overly physical when the situations could have been handled better and that some of his behaviors regarding dd seem controlling to me. I will have to admit to being a bit hypersensitive here having watched my sister live with a controlling and abusive husband for more than 25 years. The behaviors that bother me could also be seen as doting (in an immature way). Dbf tends to give dd what she wants. That is one way that people gain control but it's also something people do when they just want you to be happy.
I am however impressed that his first response to the pregnancy was to get a second job. I'm also taken aback by them asking to live here. People who are controlling and abusive don't want witnesses. Maybe I'm reading too much into him breaking a guy's arm when less force would have sufficed. I had the opportunity to see how he behaved around his mother recently and he shows her nothing but respect. The only disrespect he's ever shown us is staying the night when we told him that was not acceptable and that does bother me but that could be as simple as he fell asleep.
Dd cannot afford a place on her own even with government help. If he continues working two jobs, they can afford a place. If she keeps working they won't need much help. Just day care, food stamps and insurance for the baby and if she stays on the shift she's on (8 PM - 3 AM) the baby can just sleep here (His full time job is midnights and the other is afternoons) so they wouldn't need day care.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 06-26-2014 at 11:41 AM..
And just how is this post helpful to either the OP or her daughter or the baby? How about some constructive criticism which will be more likely to be "heard", rather than negative criticism which serves no useful purpose at all?
It's constructive criticism and it involves pointing out to Ivory that maybe she should be doing what she's told other people to do in her many posts. Perhaps she should take to heart her complaints about governmental social services program and not be here asking how to get her daughter signed up. Parents help their children over rough spots all the time. It's nothing new. She could do the same. Especially since she has a daughter who she has described as having a number of problems. Instead she's asking about welfare.
If her advice is good enough for other people..... one would think she'd take it herself.
Personally if I had a pregnant daughter she wouldn't be in a car parked goodness knows where. I also wouldn't be telling everyone how great the boyfriend was if he was sleeping in a bed but my pregnant daughter was sleeping in a car. But that's just me. Ivory has never liked my advice. Which would be to let the girl sleep in her old bed while these other needs are lined up and taken care of. Then she goes from a bed in a house to a bed in another house or apartment. The whole car thing would never happen. But, as I said, that's just me.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 06-26-2014 at 12:00 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The fact I ignore that which is not helpful does seem to **** some people off but that's their problem. 
I see no point in acknowledging some of the posts made here no matter how much poster's whine that I'm not taking their advice. You'd think they'd take a hint.