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Your son was out of order to throw away those toys. It is your decision and your decision only to decide what to keep and what to throw away in your home.
As you stated, he moved out 14 years ago, so he abandoned everything that he left behind. He should have at least discussed throwing them away with you before taking any action. The toys were not his to throw away, they were yours. His behavior was disrespectful.
The key issue here is his lack of respect for your wishes.
I agree with sage and gouligann. Those toys were the OP's remembrance's of her children's past; she had the room for them; and she was using them, although that was the least important factor. Put this in another light: what if the son had thrown out something else that his mother considered important, but he did not? Perhaps a household item that she used frequently, but he considered trash or redundant? It's the same principal really. Anything in the OP's house belongs to the OP. The kids already had collected any toys THEY wanted to save from their childhoods long ago, but they overrode their mother's wishes to keep her own mementos.
OP, I feel like there's more to this story. It doesn't make sense. Do they possibly think you are a hoarder? Do they resent you for keeping the toys with hopes of more grandchildren? It's senseless to put perfectly working toys in the trash. Was it done in a fit of rage? I'm just not getting it.
But to answer your question, no, if the toys have been "abandoned" at your house for that long, they are no longer theirs to toss out. For the love of cheese, at least donate them!
OP, I feel like there's more to this story. It doesn't make sense. Do they possibly think you are a hoarder? Do they resent you for keeping the toys with hopes of more grandchildren? It's senseless to put perfectly working toys in the trash. Was it done in a fit of rage? I'm just not getting it.
But to answer your question, no, if the toys have been "abandoned" at your house for that long, they are no longer theirs to toss out. For the love of cheese, at least donate them!
I went to donate toys to the good will from 1999-2005. And they refused to take them. They looked and asked me how old they were. I said "about 15 years". They were pristine and never really used. Goodwill guy told me they were too old and could have recalls they don't know about.
Old toys are potentially collectibles. Not sutiable for even resale at goodwill.
My grandchild HAS played with his dad's & aunt's old toys when he visits (but he just turned two). Plus my son took some of his toys with him when he moved away from home, years ago. My nieces and nephews and grandnieces and grandnephews do play with the toys when they visit. I get toys out of the toy cabinet and toy boxes to take along when I have paid babysitting jobs and occasionally use them for tutoring.
...
And, I am not really as "upset" as perhaps hurt. Earlier yesterday my son and I discussed saving at least some/many of the toys and then to see him just toss them in the garbage to go to the dump took me by total surprise.
Update, my son apologized and said that he did not realize how much I actually used the toys. He thought that once he stopped playing with them they just sat in that cabinet totally unused & not played with for the last 20 years.
Of course, as others pointed out, it is a very stressful time in my life and that may have exacerbated the my feelings on the situation.
Thank you for your comments. My son and I have talked and worked it out so please close this thread.
Last update. As it turned out this whole matter was partly due to some miscommunications and misunderstandings. While my son did throw out some dinosaurs and other toys it turned out that they were not the toys that I had thought that he had tossed in the garbage. They were not the toys from the "special toy cabinet" but from a different box in the basement. He said that at least some of these dinosaurs & other toys were broken. While, that did sort of surprise me, as I always threw away toys as soon as they break as they can be a safety hazard, I have no reason to think that he was not telling me the truth.
However, our little disagreement ended up being a blessing in disguise. Since he only had one week to assist in downsizing our home of 30 years he openly admitted that he started out being extremely over-zealous in what he threw out. He said that after our discussion he slowed down and was more thoughtful in his actions. While some things were tossed, there were many useful things that went to Goodwill, taken by friends and relatives to be used by them or donated to several other places. The Salvation Army will also be bringing a truck to pick up several large items and many boxes of useful items.
It was very difficult to do as the last few days I was in my new place, caring for my husband, while my son and others were sorting, packing and moving at our old place. Numerous times each day he would call me with a list of things or email me photographs of objects and ask, "toss, in new apartment, storage area or donate?" He would also bring boxes that he packed from the old place for our new place.
I volunteer at a thrift store every week. We don't turn down any donations, ever. We may end up tossing it (mattresses, broken electronics, etc don't make it into the store), but it isn't turned away. We have regulars who come in hunting specifically for older items.
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