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I don't think there are any two better parents on this earth than myself and my ex wife. We loved our sons unconditionally and completely, and they have turned out to be two wonderful, productive members of society. However , we were struggling when they got out of HS, and did not have the resources to fund a completely paid education for them.
Luckily, they got scholarships, worked jobs, and we provided free room and board as well as cars for them. What we could not do in funds, we did in things like that. I am sure a lot of people today are in the same boat, and can only do what they can do. That does not equate to being a bad parent at all.
The reason I asked is I have read many say things to the effect of "You have kids, make sure to save for their college education" "We are struggling financially and saving for our kids education is difficult" "We are going to have kids and be putting a lot of money towards college education" etc. etc.
It kind of makes it look as if you don't/can't you are a bad parent. I am two months pregnant but honestly, I would rather save for other things mainly retirement. I don't ever expect to make much money and specifically making a child's college savings account for something they may never use seems wasteful.
We allow our kids a place to live. They can live in our home for free as long as they are working on getting an education. We don't have the ability to pay for that education. I drive a 13 year old Chevy Astro Van. Do you think I have the cash to pay for there college degree?
In our area we have a very good Junior College system that feeds into the Cal State and University of Cal State system. Locally they can attend CSUCI, UCSB, UCLA, USC, CSUN, Pepperdine, and if they want to drive further a few other schools. In addition BYU offers select programs that you can do from home and in your own local Church meeting house. It would be easy for our kids to live with us while they attend one of these schools if they are able to get into one of them.
The reason I asked is I have read many say things to the effect of "You have kids, make sure to save for their college education" "We are struggling financially and saving for our kids education is difficult" "We are going to have kids and be putting a lot of money towards college education" etc. etc.
It kind of makes it look as if you don't/can't you are a bad parent. I am two months pregnant but honestly, I would rather save for other things mainly retirement. I don't ever expect to make much money and specifically making a child's college savings account for something they may never use seems wasteful.
There is no law that says that just because you save money for college you can never change your mind. There are certain types of accounts that are specifically tied to college but for the most part you can spend your savings on whatever you want. It is always good to have some savings.
The only time I am willing to throw around words like "bad parenting" is when people do not do what they can. I have known a surprising number of parents who will not even participate in the financial aid process. They will not fill out the fasfa or provide tax returns which prevents heir children from qualifying for most loans, all grants, and many scholarships. That is unfair at best.
The worst I have seen was a father who had as part of his divorce decree that he would contribute towards his sons college expenses. His son got into a top school, and got scholarships for all of the tuition but not room and board, so roughly 50%. First dad refused to participate in the Fasfa process, then turned in he wrong forms, and finally called me, the sons teacher, to try and persuade the student to give up on the top school and go to community college because dad "had a new family to take care of" since getting remarried. I told him not to contact me again or I would contact the family court judge.
Until recently I deemed parents who don't save for the kids' schooling bad parents (including myself, alas.) Then it slowly dawned on my that moving the family to the New World (which is where most of my resources went) might have helped my offsprings' future far more than any college I could have paid for them in the old place.
My parents were excellent by any yardstick, I have a university degree. It took quite some hard study. How much it helped me in life? Exactly zip, 0, nada, zero. In fact, anything I achieved in that field so far only cost money, a smaller house's worth. Perhaps the posterity will raise me to fame 100 years from now for the things I accomplished, but right now, strictly speaking had I stayed uneducated and just washed cars, I'd be financially ahead.
So I felt sure about the answer before, now I just don't know. The more time goes on, the less sure I am about anything.
You do know that your experience is the exception right? It is inarguable that as a whole, the college educated earn more over their lifetime. Something like over $2 million more. So while college isn't for everyone, most college educated kids will earn more than kids who wash cars.
The reason I asked is I have read many say things to the effect of "You have kids, make sure to save for their college education" "We are struggling financially and saving for our kids education is difficult" "We are going to have kids and be putting a lot of money towards college education" etc. etc.
It kind of makes it look as if you don't/can't you are a bad parent. I am two months pregnant but honestly, I would rather save for other things mainly retirement. I don't ever expect to make much money and specifically making a child's college savings account for something they may never use seems wasteful.
"Saving for college" can encompass a variety of things. Including opening a savings account to deposit birthday and holiday checks from grandparents as well as adding money when you can. The money can be used for whatever post high school education is appropriate. Just as helping a child with college certainly includes allowing them to live at home rent-free while they attend. There is a whole spectrum between booting a child out of your house at 18 with no assistance as they launch their adult lives and providing for every possible thing until they are well-employed. Most of us fall somewhere in between.
I would never advocate paying for college at the expense of preparing for retirement.
"Saving for college" can encompass a variety of things. Including opening a savings account to deposit birthday and holiday checks from grandparents as well as adding money when you can. The money can be used for whatever post high school education is appropriate. Just as helping a child with college certainly includes allowing them to live at home rent-free while they attend. There is a whole spectrum between booting a child out of your house at 18 with no assistance as they launch their adult lives and providing for every possible thing until they are well-employed. Most of us fall somewhere in between.
I would never advocate paying for college at the expense of preparing for retirement.
Exactly! That's why I always question these people who post that they "did it all themselves", then relate they lived at home, most likely ate most meals at home w/o contributing to the groceries, drove to campus in a car probably bought by the parents, even got their laundry done by their moms in many cases.
I agree parents should plan for their own retirement first. Almost every financial planner says that.
If a parent can afford it, I think they should contribute towards their child's college expenses. Tuition costs have increased so much over the past 30 years that it is a real struggle to afford college for a lot of people, and then, be saddled with student loans for a decade or more. That puts a real dent in starting to build your financial future.
However, it doesn't make a parent a "good" parent. It's simply a case of affordability. There are excellent parents out there who simply can't afford to pay for college, though I'm sure they might like to. A parent's job is to raise their kids the best they can, and that includes doing so in the economic situation they live in.
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