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I'll be honest, though...when I see people who are well-off financially who refuse to help their teenage/college-aged kids with anything..."for character building"...I wince a little. ........
Again, I only mean that for those who can afford it, not those who can't. If you don't have the money, you don't have the money.
I agree 100% with you. I don't understand why some parents who can afford to help refuse. When parents are struggling I can understand not helping but when kids have gone out of their way to be successful high school students I don't understand why parents refuse to extend a helping hand to their young adult children.
IMO the object of parenting is not to get them to age 18 and then dump them out on their own. There are many ways to help young adult children set themselves up for success. College is not the only way to do that but for those who can be successful I don't understand the refusal by parents who have the means.
My cultural upbringing places a great emphasis on education. That probably colors my opinion more than any other factor. My kids have been told that when they are young their job is to be a student. They can play sports. They can be involved in music and theater but their main job is to be a student. I can't imagine telling them they are on their own for college after emphasizing the importance of education for their K-12 years.
I get it that some parents are trying to keep the lights on. There is money for kids who are successful students with struggling parents. I don't why parents who are in a position to help who don't help.
The argument that they will squander their education doesn't hold water with me either. There probably are a handful who do that. If you are a parent and you KNOW that is your child, I understand. The truth is that 5 year graduation rates are substantially higher for students who have supportive parents (although GPA may be slightly lower).
Absolutely not. Your parents' first responsibility in setting aside money for the future is their own retirement. If they choose to put money aside for college after that, it's very generous, but it doesn't make them better parents than those who do not.
I agree with this (although my wife did not).
There has been exactly one generation in which it's been considered necessary for parents to save for their children's education--Boomers. And I don't know where we got the idea that it's a parental responsibility.
I disagree completely. Parents' first responsibility is to their children. Retirement is a luxury that must take a back seat to the needs of the children.
Retirement is not a luxury. Retirement is a certainty, unless you die first.
Most people become too physically disabled to work for some time before they die. Retirement is what's going to happen to you if you don't die first, even if that retirement is physical disability because of old age.
There has been exactly one generation in which it's been considered necessary for parents to save for their children's education--Boomers. And I don't know where we got the idea that it's a parental responsibility.
Only one? Parents of kids who are now in college are typically Gen X, and they also feel that responsibility. My husband and I started 529 accounts for our kids when they were newborns. Neither of us had parents who specifically saved for college, but we could see where things were headed
The idea that not paying for your kids' college makes you a bad parent is as stupid as this idea proposed above.
I think the moral of the story is that this question has a different answer for each individual family. You do what you can do for your family and that's all anyone can ask. If the parents can't afford college, than there is no need to judge them for that. College is expensive afterall, and sending 2-3 kids off to school is not a cheap venture.
Neither of my parents finished HS. They worked long hours, or multiple jobs to make ends meet. Paying for college for me and my sister was not a possibility. However, we were smart kids, and both graduated with offers on the table in good, well-paying careers. It was a lot easier for me to pay off my student loans living single, in my 20's, then it would have been for them to save up for college while trying to raise us. I was glad to see them cut back to normal working hours, and actually start to take time off to enjoy themselves once we moved out when college began.
Everyone's story is going to be different. Try not to judge too much.
I don't believe they are bad parents. My parents didn't save for college, they wanted to pay and for a couple of quarters they did a payment plan until I failed out. Then the cost of college was on me.
I made it happen through working, grants and loans. Eventually the Army paid a large portion of it.
My daughter is 1 and I started a 529 when she was around 9 months old, that was 9 months later than I should've started it. My goal is that the money will be there to cover a lot of the schooling cost but all of it would be better. The option of using the 529 is there but I won't use it for bad grades.
I'm hoping she will go to a community college for at least a year, I can pay for that out of pocket. Then the 529, grants and loans as a final resort will be used to pay for university level schooling.
My idea is that I pay 100% for A's, 85% for B's, 70% for C's with D's and F's being on her own. It's amazing how much more serious people take things when it's not a total handout.
I disagree completely. Parents' first responsibility is to their children. Retirement is a luxury that must take a back seat to the needs of the children.
Sounds great to me; I'm ready to retire. When can I move in?
My understanding is that in the US today, if your parents CAN afford to help pay for college (as determined by the government according to information provided on the FAFSA), then that will be taken into account when determining how much financial aid you qualify for, until you are age 24.
So if you can afford to save for college and you don't, you are giving your child a disadvantage. Other children with poor parents will qualify for more financial aid than your child. This financial aid includes both grants and federal student loans. In other words, if you are wealthy but refuse to pay anything, you can make it difficult to impossible for your child to attempt to pay their own way through grants and loans until they are 24.
This point can't be emphasized enough. Obviously a lot of families can't afford to save for college and it is silly to imply that they should be judged for not doing so! But on the flip side, I really don't understand not trying to give your child a good education if you can afford to. There are plenty of other ways to try to help kids avoid a sense of entitlement...
Another unfortunate truth to consider: admission to most private colleges is not need blind.
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